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  • Hi Sharon, i’m joining your intriguing story late so i’m not sure where it is taking place but the ‘spirited, faceless’ character Pan that you have created is wonderful. A peace-exuding character who the reader can’t help but gravitate to….love his flute communication. The glowing sphere is a nice visual.

  • Hi Alma, i’m still intrigued by the possibilities of this story…….what really happened to Serena? Can Cynthia overcome the hurdles to ‘land’ her story?; How determined a protagonist might Aidan be for her; all good suspense hanging there.
    I really like the way you have Cynthia and Aidan using each other’s last names when talking (keep that…[Read more]

  • Hi Riana, you have done a wonderful job in showing the sentiments of both Albert and Aunt Bea when wandering through Grampa’s house. Nice imagery there and you left me feeling their strong emotions….really nicely done.
    You have created Albert’s parents with so much mystery that i am eager to learn more about the family dynamics. I like the way…[Read more]

  • Hi Ben, i really like Momo, you have provided a solid character for Kate to perhaps confide in if the going gets rough with the Captain. Three couples probably set up the best scenario for interaction once the boat sails……more would have created too much confusion for the reader. Your first two couples are quite different so i look forward to…[Read more]

  • Thanks Deryn, i did check out your sex scene and the minimalist approach certainly worked….let the reader’s mind wander to where it wants. I’ll try and learn from that.
    This 52 scene venture is really an experiment for me……i can’t see it becoming novel length either but until it runs dry, i’ll get back on the horse.

  • Thanks for joining in Ben. I hope i can keep your interest.

  • Thanks Deryn, i did check out your sex scene and the minimalist approach certainly worked….let the reader’s mind wander to where it wants. I’ll try and learn from that.
    This 52 scene venture is really an experiment for me……i can’t see it becoming novel length either but until it runs dry, i’ll get back on the horse.

  • The Swing Rider (Scene 3) by Glen Benison

    #         

    “That Pfizer guy’s a quack,” said Myrtle tapping a forefinger against his temple. “Where did you find him?”

    “Oh, Charlie passes through every few months […]

    • Hi Glen – so am still intrigued by how this is going to extend to a full novel – I guess there’s lots of potential for one character following the other…
      On this scene specifically – I think you copped out of the first sex scene – it needed to be more or less explicit but you kinda went half way ‘ She squirmed beneath Myrtle’s body and clawed at his back as he maneuvered this way and that. After a few moments, Myrtle groaned deeply and rolled off to the side.’ 😜 Give us way more or leave more to the imagination…always a tricky choice. Not saying I did it perfectly but see my scene for this week… I am still invested tho, so you must be doing soemthing right!!!

      • Thanks Deryn, i did check out your sex scene and the minimalist approach certainly worked….let the reader’s mind wander to where it wants. I’ll try and learn from that.
        This 52 scene venture is really an experiment for me……i can’t see it becoming novel length either but until it runs dry, i’ll get back on the horse.

    • Hi Glen, I’m really intrigued by Bobbie. She chased him, had her wicked way with him (several times) and stole his horse which indicates quite a woman and yet, she’s playing all innocent with him (both talking about her job and playing the needy girlfriend) – I can’t help wondering what she’s up to and cannot wait to find out…
      Love the town names Bucking Horse Plain and Beaver Bend River… 🤣
      Like Deryn, I’m curious to see where the story is going to go and really looking forward to it! 🙂

    • Thanks Deryn, i did check out your sex scene and the minimalist approach certainly worked….let the reader’s mind wander to where it wants. I’ll try and learn from that.
      This 52 scene venture is really an experiment for me……i can’t see it becoming novel length either but until it runs dry, i’ll get back on the horse.

      • Mnnn… I’ve got a feeling this is not the last Myrtle will see of Bobbie, she seems a very determined lady, and just knows how to get her sneaky ways with him. I can imagine girls at the time with not many choices in life, running out for adventure, and I’ve heard real life stories of girls who eloped with practically strangers, looking for a better life in the wild wild West. So I’m very intrigued about her, and where she comes from. Poor Sanderson, though, but he is kind of a bastard, so he deserved some bad karma. I think this scene flowed nicely, dialogue made it very light. It’s great for a first first draft, I’m sure you’ll flesh it up with more detailing in future reviews. My only suggestion is to do not shy from detailing further the lovemaking scenes. I don’t mind me reading some good ol’ smut. I think the story calls for it.
        Great writing! I want to know what will happen next!

    • Mnnn… I’ve got a feeling this is not the last Myrtle will see of Bobbie, she seems a very determined lady, and just knows how to get her sneaky ways with him. I can imagine girls at the time with not many choices in life, running out for adventure, and I’ve heard real life stories of girls who eloped with practically strangers, looking for a better life in the wild wild West. So I’m very intrigued about her, and where she comes from. Poor Sanderson, though, but he is kind of a bastard, so he deserved some bad karma. I think this scene flowed nicely, dialogue made it very light. It’s great for a first first draft, I’m sure you’ll flesh it up with more detailing in future reviews. My only suggestion is to do not shy from detailing further the lovemaking scenes. I don’t mind me reading some good ol’ smut. I think the story calls for it.
      Great writing! I want to know what will happen next!

    • Oops, I posted in the wrong place, sorry.

      Mnnn… I’ve got a feeling this is not the last Myrtle will see of Bobbie, she seems a very determined lady, and just knows how to get her sneaky ways with him. I can imagine girls at the time with not many choices in life, running out for adventure, and I’ve heard real life stories of girls who eloped with practically strangers, looking for a better life in the wild wild West. So I’m very intrigued about her, and where she comes from. Poor Sanderson, though, but he is kind of a bastard, so he deserved some bad karma. I think this scene flowed nicely, dialogue made it very light. It’s great for a first first draft, I’m sure you’ll flesh it up with more detailing in future reviews. My only suggestion is to do not shy from detailing further the lovemaking scenes. I don’t mind me reading some good ol’ smut. I think the story calls for it.
      Great writing! I want to know what will happen next!

  • Hi Ben, you’ve continued to capture me in your story. I really enjoyed the visuals of putting me on that dock and also feeling Kate’s initial sea-sickness (should you tell us she has over-come that?….. I never have).
    The best paragraph is the one that takes us on her first dive – fabulous imagery. Love her enchantment with the angelfish and…[Read more]

  • Hi Deryn, you’ve set a really good pace and your words flow so easily in these two scenes, so i am in. You have clearly shown us the strength of Fran’s character and it’s believability. Your descriptions also really make me ‘feel’ the come-ons of both Lazlo and Duncan….well done. You have set up some potential conflict between the two close…[Read more]

  • Hi Alma, this is very good (sorry i didn’t get to read scene 1….but you’ve brought me neatly into the story). I really like your opening. The visual of Cynthia is terrific. I’m quickly enticed by the fact she spent the night under her desk (until we find out it is the day after the Christmas party, my mind is running wild….good one.) A really…[Read more]

  • Hi Rhiana, this is a good follow up. I get a really good sense of being in that church with the crowd, I could feel the feedback quiver my spine. The visuals are great….Albert struggling in and out of the pew and the paragraph that begins with ‘The next three hours’ (all good stuff) and you’ve left some cookie crumbs of things still to be…[Read more]

  • The Swing Rider (2) by Glen Benison

    #

    Myrtle was aware that men working on a cattle drive team don’t hold grudges, so he asked his fighting opponent from the previous night, for a ride into town.

    “Why wha […]

    • Hi Glen – Pfizer…hmm wonder where we’ve heard that name before…
      I liked the scene, but thought you could have given Myrtle a little more dignity when he rode into town – hanging on to his friend’s waist on the back of the horse and bouncing up and down on the horse’s rump was a little incongruous – If he was an accomplished horseman and cow hand he would be more accustomed to riding bare back or pillion etc. The picture of him in the pink robe is funny, though.
      Now I wonder if the book is going to be about Mrytle/Butch or Mr Pfizer…

    • Hi Glen,
      I already liked your first scene for its humorous elements and this one lives up to it! The part where Myrtle wears Bobbie’s robe is just hilarious! Especially when he tries different positions to sit… I wonder if the way Myrtle is getting into town is meant to be funny, too. As Deryn pointed out, I would expect an experienced cowboy not to wrap his arms around Sanderson. So I wondered if you did this because it’s supposed to be funny. If you meant it to be funny, if you’re trying to tell us that Myrtle rides in a “girlie way” here, then I think you need to expand this a little. You would need to exaggerate a bit more. Giving us some sensory detail might do the trick if it’s ambiguous (i.e. noticing a “manly smell” which then turns out to be the breakfast he just had or the sweat from not having washed for days etc). But I am suggesting here and I am not sure at all about your intentions.
      Some minor points: After Sanderson finishes his breakfast, his horse suddenly spurs into a trot. I am missing a connection here, I need to read that the horse was right next to him or that he got onto his horse etc. This seemed abrupt to me, so here I’d be grateful for a little more. On the other hand, when Bobbie and Myrtle are talking , it’s unnecessary IMHO to tell me that Myrtle changes the topic, because he’s just doing that. In this case, that would be enough for me. What I still haven’t understood is why Bobbie stole Myrtle’s horse….
      As Deryn has mentioned naming the kook “Pfizer” is just ingenious, especially as he checks Myrtle for symptoms of Corona…will you carry this Corona theme through? Oh, I wonder what the next scene will be like 😉

    • Hi, Glen!
      OmG! I was laughing out hard just in the first lines. Poor Myrtle, I love he’s proud of his Granny’s name. There must be a good story behind it. Plus, his relationship with Sanderson is hilarious. I really enjoy your sense of humor. I read last scene and felt an improvement to this one in your style. I think there was a good balance of dialog and description. It reads fluently. My only suggestion is to go a little deeper on Myrtle’s thoughts, feelings and sensations, so we can identify further. I already love humiliation follows him everywhere. Anyways, so far so good! Fantastic writing! I’m hooked and curious about Bobbie’s true intentions.

    • Oh my gosh, Glen, you really cracked me up with this one 🤣 I liked everything about this scene, the image of Myrtle’s legs flailing on the ride in, the childish fighting, the leg-crossing episode (I think if Swing Rider ever gets made into a movie, no-one will ever again remember Kim Bassinger’s iconic moment after having seen Myrtle’s…) and of course Mr Pfizer. Thank you for making me laugh so much 🙂

    • Hi, Glen. m enjoying your scenes. Westerns are hard to get right, but you seem to be doing a great job. I can picture your actions and don’t have to go back and reread for clarification. Hoping to see what he gets into next.

  • Hi Riana, this story has been given some good momentum to keep it moving forward and your pace kept me in the groove. Good hooks re; what they might find when sorting Grandpa’s stuff and what might unfold at the funeral. Nice mood you have set to have the rain begin as the funeral approaches.
    I like your beginning with Grandpa’s words of wisdom to…[Read more]

  • Hi Maruschka, you have certainly brought me into her world and the fright she faces and you also do a good job of showing James’ commitment to her. I gravitate to his character’s kindness and concern. I’m rooting for him.
    Your start to the story is powerful but i got a little hung up on all the name changes….kiki, michaela, kaela and then James…[Read more]

  • Hi Ben, i really like the way you ‘show’ us Kate. She seems to be ‘cool’ the way she initially responds to JP as she enters the shop. A terrific image of her running the icy can against her neck. I like her right off the bat.
    I find your dialogue between the two characters to be realistic. That helps to carry the pace of the story; the reader…[Read more]

  • No big worries Susanne. I personally like a short opening paragraph to put me right there so in your case this would be it: ‘Chaos was raining down on Lilly. The remains of generations had condensed in the fraction of a second. A whole universe in mason jars showered down from the shelf, like missiles from her past.

    The second para begins with:…[Read more]

  • Hi Susanne. lots of fun in your opening sequence (i had to chuckle at the chaotic visual you created). Also, found your pacing to be right on. I really like the back story of Granny and it’s concise presentation. Also the’ tears or was it sauerkraut’ made me smile.

    I wonder if you should start a new paragraph at ‘strawberries, peaches and pears’…[Read more]

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Glen Benison

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