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  • “God please, keep them safe,” Saleh murmured to quell the negative thoughts that had been invading his mind.

    As he sat outside the room where his wife Laley was fighting for both hers and their baby’s lives, he […]

  • Hi Sudha,

    Thank you for reading and the feedback. It is a bigger story with lots of villains and more challenges for both characters and the people in their lives. However, I am yet to complete it and since the prompt reminds me of this story I decided to post it.

    Of course, Vish has a back story that I couldn’t put into 1800 words.

  • Thank you, Doris, for reading and for the feedback. I appreciate it.

  • Hi Carmen,
    Thank you for reading and taking time out to point out errors. I appreciate it and I am glad you liked it.

  • Vish hung up the phone with which he had been speaking to one of his men stationed outside the Patel’s house.He was on his way to save the woman who unintentionally waltz into his life like the evening breeze a […]

    • Wonderful story, thank you so much for sharing! Vish and Devi are both feisty characters with big hearts and a sense of justice. I particularly enjoyed how you got your dialogue to flow so eloquently.

      I did pick up some typos, for example ‘spotting’ instead of ‘sporting’, and ‘living’ instead of ‘leaving’. You could clean up your story quite quickly by running it through Grammarly or a similar program.

      All in all, a great hero/ villain story that felt both familiar and unique at the same time!

      • Hi Carmen,
        Thank you for reading and taking time out to point out errors. I appreciate it and I am glad you liked it.

    • I’m impressed with how much plot and detail can be packed into 1800 words without it becoming all too much. The plot remains exciting and resembles a modern fairy tale. The happy ending works well and fits the fairy tale character.
      But it also deals with real issues that unfortunately still too often go unnoticed: the approach to children and forced marriages. Very nice and also thought-provoking.

    • Hi Ese,
      A comprehensive story that sounds like a plot synopsis in some places. You can work out some of the details into a bigger story if you get a chance. Devi is an intriguing character. We see how Vish feels about her but it would be great to see how he got to be so resourceful in another story. A good hero/villain story.

      • Hi Sudha,

        Thank you for reading and the feedback. It is a bigger story with lots of villains and more challenges for both characters and the people in their lives. However, I am yet to complete it and since the prompt reminds me of this story I decided to post it.

        Of course, Vish has a back story that I couldn’t put into 1800 words.

  • It was here, this very spot two years ago, she had just started visiting the beach after work to pour out her thoughts to the waves, or rather vent her anger on the waves and to cool off steam.

    With all the drama […]

    • This is a sweet story – there is the gem of a longer work in it. You could do more with their relationship, really spin it out if you didn’t have the word count constraints. There are a few spots that the grammar is a bit rough and could use some polish. Again, without a word limit, I think you’d overcome those. Great story, I really enjoyed it!

    • There is a lovely warm feel to this story, especially talking to the waves. Its cute. It has an innocence about it. Keep tapping into that in your writing.

  • Hi, interesting story. I like the reality check at the end when he realised how much damage can be done by a compromised computer system.

    I like how the reader’s first thought about Janice would be a coworker but would eventually realise she isn’t human.

    A suggestion, try writing a character’s emotions, expressions and reactions in between…[Read more]

  • The moment Paul saw his mother and Zizi at the charity function three weeks ago, laughing and cosying up to each other, he knew for sure they were scheming.
    His mother, Alia, had continued to give Zizi hope that […]

    • Great story, I like the way you had me guessing all the time was it Zizi or was it Yaya

    • Hi Ese

      There is the germ of a good story here, but I found it a little confusing The characters probably needed twice as many words to make the best of this and because of that your plot feels a bit forced. I had to go back several times to try to work out who was who and what was happening.

      That all said, I enjoyed the story.

      Martin

  • Hi Leona, this is amazing, well written and relatable.

  • Thank you for reading.

  • Hi Efembe, thank you for reading and the corrections.

  • Hi Bhavna,

    I am so glad that temptation pushed her to live out her fantasy just once, at least If she never gets another chance, she can live on that memory.

    I like the ending so much, I hope the Madam wouldn’t catch her in the act but the Master catching the act on CCTV footage is hilarious.

  • Yaya looked at the tiny bottle in her palm, just one drop and they would know how it feels.

    All she wanted was for them to experience the pain she felt every time they mocked her. Wouldn’t it be nice for them t […]

  • Thank you so much for reading, Ellen.

  • Hello Seyi,
    Thank you so much for reading.

    Thank you for the suggestion, tenses are a big problem for me.

    I did use Grammarly, I don’t know if there is a different one but mine just focuses on correct spellings.

  • Hi Joe

    I had an interesting time reading this. I love the sisters’ dynamics, I also love that Meg had just created more tension by telling her sisters that their father left.

    I would love to know where it all goes from this point. Is Dad having an affair with June? What about the girls? What’s their relationship with their father? I hope…[Read more]

  • Ese commented on the post, Gunja By Nam Raj Khatri 4 months ago

    Hi Nam Raj,

    I love your story and I enjoyed Gunja’s adventures. The twist is also lovely.

  • Hi Sarah

    I enjoyed every bit of your story and I am glad she spoke up about her concerns. To be honest, Sameer is a sensible person and so I believe they would be just fine.

    Thanks for sharing.

  • Ese commented on the post, Leela 4 months ago

    Hi Priyanka.

    I like how realistic you wrote your story, with parents and all their expectations, their ability to want to control their grown-up children, the boy-girl preference and thinking of society all the time.

    However, I think you need to work on how your story progresses. The progress was so muddled up, that I had to re-read…[Read more]

  • Mono chuckled at the sound of her brother cursing again. They would both be in trouble if their mother knew she was using her powers on her brother and he was using such colourful words, but Mono didn’t care. S […]

    • Hello Ese and how goes it? Great to read a story driven by the pantheon of Yoruba gods. I like your premise and enjoy how you’ve crafted it for the YA audience. The dialogue is good and I enjoyed the family dynamic (though I missed the father figure and his powers. You referred to him only in passing.) If I may suggest, do have a look at your tenses, they do not always seem consistent. I always run my submissions through a platform called ‘Grammarly’ to check my work before submitting it. Perhaps this would help. All the very best, and regards, Seyi

      • Hello Seyi,
        Thank you so much for reading.

        Thank you for the suggestion, tenses are a big problem for me.

        I did use Grammarly, I don’t know if there is a different one but mine just focuses on correct spellings.

        • Hi Ese, and howzit? Grammarly does a bit more. It should check your grammar, punctuation, word placement as well as spelling. Regards Seyi

    • Cool! I wrote about a girl with electrical powers too. So may possibilities, from mind-reading to electrical storms. I like how you brought it all together in the end with the pair being the perfect fit. Well done

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Ese

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@essay-javan

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