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  • I love this explanation of who Raygar is and that we got to see more of him. Thank you for giving us more of his story. I can’t wait to see more of it.

  • 😂 I love Thelma! 😂 Julia and her are the friends I strive to be with my own group in our old age.
    This story is wonderful.

  • Wonderful! I love the contrast between the two. The ending though… My heart hurts for her.

  • I figured you won’t reveal it for a bit but I am loving the little hint drop. It’s a wonderfully intriguing story that you are weaving.
    Typos happen no matter how closely we read our stuff before posting.

  • What could be so important that they would take such pains to ensure she wouldn’t find out? 
    She felt his skin heating beneath her fingers and quickly ran her hands over his shoulders and arms as she murmured a qu […]

    • Those are terrible decision they have to make. The gods are trying to split them apart it seems. In this sentence: She immediately through that thought away., I think through should be threw. I’m learning so much about the mythological gods. I wonder if somehow they put a spell on Dorian so they can find Night Owl and Kass. Can’t wait to find out what Dorian sees in your last line.

    • Watch your run on sentences. Eliminate the word ‘and’ as much as possible. Watch the use of where and were, it is a great weakness of mine to use the wrong one. I am intrigued to see how this plays out.

    • I was super surprised to learn that Hekate was there? Was she in two places at once or maybe she had an imposter posing as her. This has really good intrigue. It will definitely draw your readers in and have them asking for more. I wonder what Athena was thinking as well as Artemis. I also wonder who is really on their side because it seems like they are gonna need a lot of help. That was an interesting ending, it really left me hanging.

  • Thank you 🙂 All will be revealed in time 🙂

  • Thank you 🙂 I’ll add those notes to my copy to work on.

  • Thank you 🙂 Kass isn’t shape-shifting yet. That won’t happen until she is much older. She just is growing faster than a normal child would.
    Dorian is mainly upset and unsure how to process the woman he knows as a self-sufficient, take-charge type that is very cool under pressure with the woman who still has pregnancy hormones raging through her…[Read more]

  • Good scene 🙂 I’m curious to see how the parents plan to arrange this marriage with children they never see or talk with and convince them to actually go along with it.
    Originally I was against Queen Amalya and for King Manifest… then I switch to understanding and cautiously liking Queen Amalya. Now I’m not sure I like either of the two royal…[Read more]

  • I have to agree with Astrid, Cheryl, and Christy. This is a great scene but a bit more detail with the backstory and setting could help enrich it and let us see what you see as your writing it. 🙂 Looking forward to more of the story.

  • I love this scene! You gave enough detail to keep it interesting without overloading it. I do agree though with Elaine that the waitress probably would have given a name, but I can understand why you didn’t give one for a character we probably won’t see again. I am very curious to find out more about Maggie’s PTSD and what about the storm…[Read more]

  • Love this scene. The wonderful sunny day with a picnic was great, followed by a heartwarming stop at a local diner for a quick meal and a great dessert was a wonderful touch of nostalgia. I think many people can understand the fear/trauma for Maggie with the lightning and thunder and be very intrigued by. It’s a fear that many have as children but…[Read more]

  • Wonderful. I so love the groundwork you’re laying and building on, as well as the continuing storyline. Very intrigued to find out if Roula will pursue the oopsie Kadee did when she called him Master. I can’t wait to see how you play out Roula finding out she’s not actually married to a dead man and when she’ll trust him enough to tell him what is…[Read more]

  • Suggestions help make us better writers. As long as they are helpful and nicely offered I don’t think anyone would have an issue with it.
    Writing is art. It should make us think.

  • I did mean lest. Thank you for catching that.

  • Thank you 🙂 The start of the conversations is in 12 & 13. When I finish 14 there will be more.

  • I hadn’t really thought about that yet. I plan on using it later, and I’m not sure if it’ll be a gift as a demi-god or for another reason.

  • Thank you 🙂
    I did originally keep each refrain the same but decided to change that one line afterward because I’d spoken of two in that stanza. I know it isn’t truly following the rules for a villanelle, but I think it worked better with that slight word change.
    I did play with the mythology a bit for the story I’m writing, and therefore this…[Read more]

  • I’ve grown up loving the Greek mythos since my mom bought me a pencil box in grade school that had the constellations Ursa major & minor with their stories on it. I have a few books on the Greeks and a giant encyclopedia on different mythologies from Greek to Egyptian. 🙂

  • Thank you 🙂 I’m so glad you liked it.
    It does feels like that is happening now. Makes you wonder which one is taking their lead from Zeus 😉

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E_Steele

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@e_steele

Active 1 month, 1 week ago
Short Story : 2
Poetry : 2
52 Scenes 2022 : 14
52 Scenes : 13
Flash Fiction 2022s : 0
52 Scenes Rewrites : 0
Show, don't Tell June 2022's : 0