• Akino paused and dragged a lanky arm across his face as the shadow interrupted his raking. He turned his head skyward and saw the reason for the sudden darkness; an enormous cloud hovered over the de Leonce […]

    • That was a good story that I enjoyed reading. It’s sad that poor Akino got into trouble for doing the right thing, and I hope to read in a future story that Jasmine will get her comeuppance. Thank you for sharing.

    • I enjoyed this tale you have told. I hate to see the nice guy finish last.

      Poor Akino. He was working so hard too. No matter how hard you work, it seems there is always that one person who has to screw it all up.
      I too would adore part two. Let’s see if Jasmine can get what’s coming to her.

      Great job with the prompt,
      Maria

  • Dear Del, congratulations. You made me laugh out loud with this one. Narrative was tight all the way through, even when poor Sylvia was convinced she was ‘rambling’. The conversational tone made this all the more of a breeze to get through. Commendations on presenting these ‘Honorable gentlemen’ as being no less inclined to sleep with another…[Read more]

  • Jan, I’d like to begin by saying that I appreciate your being brave enough to end this the way you did. In a way, I guess we’re all in some state of returning. I’ve heard it said that sometimes people come into another’s life to fulfill a ‘purpose’, whatever that may be and were never meant to remain indefinitely. As always, I continue to…[Read more]

  • Amrita, you’ve started the year off with quite the bang. Love how intensely immersive your imagery continues to be and that you manage to take topical subjects and make them entertaining and food for thought. Will remain curious as to what crime the brothers committed to receive such a gory fate and would love the opportunity to learn more about…[Read more]

  • Hey Del, thanks for sparing the time to read my piece. An error is an error, so I’ll try to guard against the most glaring one going forward. Honestly, I remain grateful for how this story has connected and am making plans to extend the story in the future. All in all, I appreciate the feedback.

  • Dear Ana, I’ll admit that the genre ‘Erotic drama’ raised an eyebrow, but this was quite the pleasure to read. I always find myself drawn to characters who are complex while unabashedly being themselves, right up until the moment that they have to confront that reflection.

    Your word choice also gave the impression of reading poetry, whether in…[Read more]

  • Dear Beth, loved your take on the prompt. Also found myself admiring how all the characters, including the father, who isn’t even physically present, managed to feel distinct and fully developed. Through all the shifting coalitions, you managed to have me flip from finding the protagonist annoying to feeling a measure of sympathy about her…[Read more]

  • Hey Ana, you’re too kind and thank you for sparing a few minutes to review my work. Look forward to remaining on your radar. Cheers.

  • Hey Ana, you’re too kind and thank you for sparing a few minutes to review my work. Look forward to remaining on your radar. Cheers.

  • Hey Jan, thank you for continuing to be one of my regular readers. In rereading the story, I was hit by how the inclusion of a single word muddled things up a bit in that metaphor you referenced. Am glad though that it didn’t hurt your enjoyment or take you out of the story too much. As always, I’m grateful for the feedback.

  • Hi Beth, thank you for taking the time to read my story. Have been giving thought to expanding on the plot and will see how I can manage to incorporate your recommendation. Appreciate the constructive criticism. ^_^

  • Ana and Profile picture of DuaneDuane are now friends 2 weeks, 1 day ago

  • Amrita, thank you for sparing the time to read my story. On the matter of the perspective, it was inspired by similar female experiences that I’m aware of in my own country, but I’m happy to know that not only the subject but the conclusion resonated with you. Cheers

  • I must say, there was an authenticity in the exchanges between the characters that drew me in from the start. The cattiness of the wives that is directed towards Fiona felt both palpable and petty. That Fiona eventually suffers the fate wished for of her lone supposed ally in Susan adds a further layer of irony to the climax and would give Susan…[Read more]

  • Hey Sharmayne, must say this was a fun read. Was intrigued by who this middle aged posse would find as the prankster and how they would deal with them, especially with the character of Roy clearly being inclined towards over kill. Didn’t see your twist coming but like how it made the response by Roy and company all the more absurd. A well written story.

  • Hey Babette, thanks for sparing me a few minutes to read and critique my story. Clearly missed that POV slip up in the final round of editing, but I’m grateful to know it didn’t detract from your over all enjoyment. Cheers.

  • Hi, thank you for taking the time to read. Glad to know you enjoyed. ^_^

  • Hi MaryAnne, you truly flattered me with that bit of praise, both on the number of rereads and recommending it for a movie. Like you, I’m a sucker for well constructed characters. I am considering revisiting and expanding this not only for character but other story aspects that may have been handicapped by the word count. Appreciate your reading…[Read more]

  • Thank you Sharmayne for taking the time to read my story. Strangely, I had planned for Allegra to have a greater role when I originally sketched the plot, but alas she did get the short end of the stick. Glad to know though that you connected with the characters and their plight. Over all, I’m grateful for the feedback.

  • If I were to be honest, Antonio had been inviting that sarcastic comment for at least 2 months. Even if she wasn’t old enough yet to appreciate the nuance in what she saw, Allegra was a bright eleven year old g […]

    • A good story with well formed characters that made me worry about them, particularly Kimberly. I loved that you used the one voice and the only tiny feedback I can think of is that I would have liked a bit more from Allegra – some reactions although still told through Kimberly’s voice. A good take on the prompt Duane, well done.

      • Duane replied 4 weeks ago

        Thank you Sharmayne for taking the time to read my story. Strangely, I had planned for Allegra to have a greater role when I originally sketched the plot, but alas she did get the short end of the stick. Glad to know though that you connected with the characters and their plight. Over all, I’m grateful for the feedback.

    • Hi Duane,

      I find your story compelling. I read it three or four times. Yes, I think it would make an interesting film. From my point of view…characters are primarily what makes a story interesting As I understand it and depending who’s view, there are only between 12 and 20 plots. So for me it’s character that makes a story interesting.. What you have told the reader about your character increases the interest and attention and the desire to read on.
      Your use of the words…Altar Call was something I did not understand so I looked it up. You reveal to the reader what sort of a preacher Antonio is. Interesting. You might want to consider
      fleshing out each character a bit more…

      • Duane replied 4 weeks ago

        Hi MaryAnne, you truly flattered me with that bit of praise, both on the number of rereads and recommending it for a movie. Like you, I’m a sucker for well constructed characters. I am considering revisiting and expanding this not only for character but other story aspects that may have been handicapped by the word count. Appreciate your reading and critiquing my submission. Cheers.

    • You did a great job pulling this story together in 1200 words. I liked the way you fleshed out the adults. You laid out the story very well. I enjoyed it.

      • Duane replied 4 weeks ago

        Hi, thank you for taking the time to read. Glad to know you enjoyed. ^_^

    • Great story. Love the build-up and the waiting for Kimberly to finally act on her husband’s infidelity and violence. Good characterisation. Just one slip in the point of view : ‘For the rest of the session Kimberly let her blather on…’
      Good job!

      • Duane replied 4 weeks ago

        Hey Babette, thanks for sparing me a few minutes to read and critique my story. Clearly missed that POV slip up in the final round of editing, but I’m grateful to know it didn’t detract from your over all enjoyment. Cheers.

    • Hi Duane,
      Before I comment on the story, I would like to applaud your choice of perspective. The country I live in, I haven’t seen many men who tend to see things from a woman’s point of view. Hence, the appreciation. Having said that, this is one such story that I can identify with. I have personally known women who have suffered and survived such tumultuous relationships. In that sense, it is a very important story. I was also surprised by the reasons that time and again stopped her from leaving her rogue of a husband. Bringing ‘dishonour’ and shame upon the family is something that stops many women in my country from opting for a divorce, even if the other option is to endure violence and abuse for the rest of their lives. I really admire Kimberly for her clear and practical thinking, her courage that helps her to decide that enough is enough. I love how you have crafted the dramatic sequences, the expressions of the characters, and the final reveal about the affair. The end brought a smile to my face and I am happy that Kimberly did not chose to stay back to give it yet another try. A wonderful read! Thank you for sharing!

      • Amrita, thank you for sparing the time to read my story. On the matter of the perspective, it was inspired by similar female experiences that I’m aware of in my own country, but I’m happy to know that not only the subject but the conclusion resonated with you. Cheers

    • Hey Duane: This is a cool take on the prompt, where a marriage would imply a coalition, but this one certainly is not. What might add an interesting layer to the plot is if Antonio is forced to move out of the house as a consequence of the slap and the punch that landed on his wife’s face while defending her child, and he cannot return to the home until the therapy is completed, and the wife goes along with the reunion plan while plotting the true getaway with her daughter. I’m a child/family therapist so I know that the abuser having to move out of the house until requirements are completed following an abuse report. It would provide a stronger motive for why they would engage in therapy after an incident like that when the husband is clearly disloyal. Does she engage to buy time for her real escape? This is an interesting start. Thanks for sharing!

      • Hi Beth, thank you for taking the time to read my story. Have been giving thought to expanding on the plot and will see how I can manage to incorporate your recommendation. Appreciate the constructive criticism. ^_^

    • Dear Duane,
      Pride is an awful thing, and it is amusing and terrifying when you listen to the excuses guys come up with to justify their “behaviour” – and I suppose it doesn’t stop there. This is a great story, and good job on the characterisation as Babette points out. The details are just right to hold the suspense. I am very pleased that she decided to get out – good for her!
      Small detail – at the start you mention that he suddenly started dressing well for amongst others, their anniversaries and then further down, that their last anniversary is a year less than the girl’s age which doesn’t correlate. (but perhaps I missed something) Their last anniversary date always being a year less than the girl’s is a lovely metaphor. Very original use of the prompt and well done on such a compelling story!

      • Hey Jan, thank you for continuing to be one of my regular readers. In rereading the story, I was hit by how the inclusion of a single word muddled things up a bit in that metaphor you referenced. Am glad though that it didn’t hurt your enjoyment or take you out of the story too much. As always, I’m grateful for the feedback.

    • Hi Duane,
      a beautiful yet sad read, and a thorough character study I quickly devoured. Very mature voice, great tempo, great choice of words and cliffhangers, remarkable for a drama. I’ll gladly keep you on my radar, congrats for a fine work.

      • Hey Ana, you’re too kind and thank you for sparing a few minutes to review my work. Look forward to remaining on your radar. Cheers.

    • Hey Ana, you’re too kind and thank you for sparing a few minutes to review my work. Look forward to remaining on your radar. Cheers.

    • Very enjoyable read. Just watch those POV hops – Kimberley appears in 1st and 3rd person at one point but that is easily solved.
      I’m guessing that Antonio has bedded Dr Shepherd too? It seemed strange that she was still encouraging K to salvage her marriage in that case, but maybe you can help me understand that bit.
      Excellent ending with that POS getting his come-uppance.
      The title was exceptional – perfect, even.
      I think this story could be even better with a longer word count – I, for one, would enjoy a more drawn out account of this great story.

      • Hey Del, thanks for sparing the time to read my piece. An error is an error, so I’ll try to guard against the most glaring one going forward. Honestly, I remain grateful for how this story has connected and am making plans to extend the story in the future. All in all, I appreciate the feedback.

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Duane

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