fbpx
  • Goodness – I thank you so much, Sherry!

    Just after I summited it, I heard Mia – LOUD and clear saying: never leave your character alone. – Ugh!!

    So, I literally went to sleep thinking of how our crafty Hattie Mae will get back in the action.

    Thanks so much for reading and leaving a note.

    Maggie D

  • Astrid,

    I am speechless! I stared at your words for a long time, I will again and again, I am certain – especially on the those days that I JUST cannot hear the voices.
    I am humbled beyond words.

    I thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment; this line will propel me through the next several scenes: “I think I might go back…[Read more]

  • At the edge of the street, she stepped out of the red dirt trench between the last step and the road. Hattie Mae touched the end of her flip flop onto the pavement then pulled it back as quickly as if she’d s […]

    • Nicely written, Maggie. And a good ending, opens the door to the next scene.

    • Hi Maggie,

      You’ve created a delightful story and I can’t stop smiling and wanting to read more. I felt, saw and heard every bit of what was going on through the lush descriptions and the distict drawl of your characters, making me want to meet them in person.
      Lovely. I think I’ll go back and read the rest. Thank you for sharing such an exquisitely written piece. ~ Astrid

      • Astrid,

        I am speechless! I stared at your words for a long time, I will again and again, I am certain – especially on the those days that I JUST cannot hear the voices.
        I am humbled beyond words.

        I thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment; this line will propel me through the next several scenes: “I think I might go back and read the rest.”

        I am so grateful,
        Maggie

    • Goodness – I thank you so much, Sherry!

      Just after I summited it, I heard Mia – LOUD and clear saying: never leave your character alone. – Ugh!!

      So, I literally went to sleep thinking of how our crafty Hattie Mae will get back in the action.

      Thanks so much for reading and leaving a note.

      Maggie D

    • Funny you named this “The Path” after my reply to your comment on my reply to your previous scene. Haha. (Okay that was a mouthful). So this scene is as delightful a read as your previous. Your characters have so much personality. The obstacle here with the sugar is not really an obstacle, per se. Hattie Mae hasn’t articulated a scene goal, so the need to get some sugar isn’t an obstacle by definition. If the story goal is to get the pool money, then each scene (or series of scenes) will need a smaller plan for how she’s going to do that, and obstacles to her doing that. The trick her sis plays on her with the bottle returns is a great example of that. But now Hattie Mae needs to regroup, make another plan, or like you’ve done at the end of the scene, go have a think. If you move the “I need to go have a think about this” to the first part of the scene, then having to get the sugar acts as a nice obstacle, or at least a delay, and then asking her grandmother for help in figuring out adult things is an even more powerful tactic. And adds tension, especially when Hattie Mae doesn’t get the easy answer she was no doubt hoping for. Also, we technically don’t need 52 new scene goals. The same intermediate goal can span several scenes. If Hattie needs to go have a think in this scene, she can still need to do that (with more obstacles thrown in the way) in the next scene. That all depends on your pacing style and choices for the story.

      Anyway, that’s just technical story stuff. Your voice and your characters are charming and addictive. Love reading it! Thanks so much.

    • Hi Maggie
      I read scene 2 and 3 together now. I love each of your scenes, and as a memoir of sorts, you have room to play with how you want to present this book. It can be a collection of anecdotes, or it can be one big story, or a combination of both. The main thing is for you to focus what you want to tell, and make a decision about what you want it to be. I love you characters, and Hattie Mae has a way of creeping into the reader’s heart. Your visuals and world building is excellent so far. I have been thoroughly immersed in every scene, and its a place I want to hang around in. I look forward to what you have next.

  • Hello there Birgitte,

    Thanks so much for your note! By all means – please point out the grammaticals, especially if they are not reflective of the vernacular.

    The story is definitely based on memories but I’m not sure it qualifies as a memoir. I thank you though, I’ll see if I can figure it out for another time. It is true that my…[Read more]

  • WOW – goodness, Thank you SO much, Bob.

    This is my growing up in a small southern (GA?USA) town.

    I really appreciate your taking the time to read and comment.

    Maggie

  • Hi Hanna,

    Thanks for your comments!

    I’m figuring this stuff out as I go along – obviously, huh 🙂 Hattie Mae comes in round line 75 or so; the hard part is that she started her walk across the street in the first scene. No POV switching though – Uncle Will was just talking to his buddies, the pronouns are my guidepost – he, she, they, her -…[Read more]

  • The continuity is great!
    I love your POV and look forward to how it progresses. My story has an 8 (or 9) year old- following you works out really well.

    Thanks!

  • I love the voice of this piece. Great ‘telling’ also. Looking forward to seeing how their adventures unfold; I’ll have to read S1 now!
    Thanks!

  • Hi Elizabeth,

    This flowed so nicely! I didn’t have to work to understand what was happening; loved the pace.

    Thanks!

  • “What’uh ya know, Pin?” Mr. Ernest Turk asked Uncle Will. Pin was his nickname.

    “Oh, I ain’t doing no good,” Uncle Will answered.

    “Nawh?” Mr. Ernest asked, looking at Uncle Will from under his fraying railr […]

    • Hi Maggie,
      What a treat of a read! The humanity in your writing just flows so effortlessly. Your dialogue is authentic and the characters jump off the page fully formed. There were some minor grammatical things that I’m not even going to mention, because I only found them in the second read through, which means your words did what they were supposed to, capture me. If there was one nitpick (and I realize this is memoir, but still) I’d love to see Hattie Mae’s goal of getting swimming pool money stated earlier so that I have something to root for (or fear won’t happen). I’d also like to know briefly, why swimming pool money. What does it mean to her? Otherwise great job! I’m definitely looking forward to reading more.

    • Hi Maggie,

      This is so authentic and beautifully written, it felt like I was elbow deep in a finished novel. Your command of the dialect, pacing, description and pacing is outstanding.

      You’ve done a wonderful job.

      Thanks for sharing.

      • WOW – goodness, Thank you SO much, Bob.

        This is my growing up in a small southern (GA?USA) town.

        I really appreciate your taking the time to read and comment.

        Maggie

    • Hi Maggie, I really enjoyed this scene and all the characters. I might suggest introducing Hattie Mae sooner, it felt like POV switched from the old men to Hattie part way through. Maybe mention at the beginning that she’s listening to them. I like the feeling that we are a camera on her shoulder watching her go about her day. I agree with Birgitte about suggesting that she needs pool money sooner too so she has a goal. Great job!

      • Hi Hanna,

        Thanks for your comments!

        I’m figuring this stuff out as I go along – obviously, huh 🙂 Hattie Mae comes in round line 75 or so; the hard part is that she started her walk across the street in the first scene. No POV switching though – Uncle Will was just talking to his buddies, the pronouns are my guidepost – he, she, they, her – etc.

        Thanks again for stopping by.

    • Hello there Birgitte,

      Thanks so much for your note! By all means – please point out the grammaticals, especially if they are not reflective of the vernacular.

      The story is definitely based on memories but I’m not sure it qualifies as a memoir. I thank you though, I’ll see if I can figure it out for another time. It is true that my grandfather actually did cut off his brother’s fingers as revealed in scene 1, the Café was pivotal to every part of life for us and there was a veneer (lumber) and poultry plant.

      The placement is the goal reveal is arbitrary. Seems withholding it can hold interest – other times , not so much: I’ll see if I can find a balance. Another part about scenes -I’m finding that as I try and keep to my task of one story goal with FIFTY-TWO obstacles, it gets really tricky!

      Thanks again, it would be great to have your continued comments!

      • Is the swimming pool money the story goal? Or just a scene goal that leads to the story goal? Either way, the “why” behind the “what” is part of what keeps readers reading. So letting us in on why swimming pool money is important to Hattie Mae actually ups the tension. It also gives you a lot more ways to put obstacles in her path that the reader understands. And yeah, 52 obstacles seems like a lot, but if they are all in the service of keeping her from the ultimate story goal, you can think of them more as bends in a road that the character takes instead of going down the main path, all while trying to get to what’s at the end of that path. 🙂

    • Hi Maggie!
      This just keeps going … high quality writing, great characters, spot on dialogue. Though shame on Uncle Will for talking about THAT snake when young ears were around.
      This is so authentically southern childhood… my brother lives in Alabama, and I’m in Texas, though grew up “up north”… so have a flavor for this southern lit. I used to move pop bottles for the little grocery store down the street to collect the 2¢ deposit so i could buy candy too!

      If there is one thing i’d recommend, especially with so many characters and nicknames is a bit more grounding… I have a sense of the neighborhood, the school, the cafe, the party house, and the 4 room house, but would like a bit of a map to know where it all is in relation to each other. Also… is Hattie Mae (typed Mattie Mae once) also Weasel?
      Looking forward to more.
      G

  • Hello Rachel,

    I thank you so much.
    Descriptiveness. I’ll work hard to keep that element strong!

    Best,
    Maggie

  • Hello Chantel,

    Thanks so much for your comments.

    This is actually based on my childhood though this scene is not an actual one. I am enjoying the recall involved, that’s for sure!

    Best,
    Maggie

  • Morning Sharon,

    Thanks so much for the details read! Yes to all – pretty much. Sometimes spellcheck corrects my language and I overlook it when posting. I appreciate the distance note – will definitely make the change. Lot of punctuation errors – O No! Again, I will definitely check. In all honesty, I was waaay behind with getting this…[Read more]

  • Morning Christy,

    I’m reading more fantasy/sci-fi these days and I really enjoyed this story. A additional hook for me was when I saw the name ‘Barnebas’! I’m a Dark Shadows (as in Barnebas Collins) fan for ever more. I especially appreciated the very real dialogue amongst them – magicals and non-magicals alike; love that term as well. And then…[Read more]

  • Sandra lay belly-down in the ditch in front of the house. Her legs flailed around in the air from the bend in her knee to the bottom of her bare feet. Looked like she was propped up on outstretched and crossed […]

    • Maggie – love the descriptiveness of this piece. You paint a vivid picture of the heat of the day and the characters. Particularly liked description of a house where Mevie grabbed her hand real tight to pass and the insight into the personalities. Definitely piqued my interest.

    • What an impressive piece of writing! So rich in place and character. I felt I was standing somewhere in the vicinity taking it all in. Lovely images…and then quite frightening about the grandfather’s fingers!

    • Hi, Maggie Very descriptive scene. I could picture your characters and the settings very clearly. Small typo in this phrase: Seemed like at least like at least once a week I think when you use slang when your characters are talking, there is a way to spell it. Maybe I am wrong, but shouldn’t ‘yawl’ be spelled ‘ Y’all’ and ‘sho’ instead of show? Also, If you give your reader a number they have to think about too much, they will skip it and hope it doesn’t interfer with the story. When you said 6 yards, the reader has to translate that into feet and multiply by 3 to get an idea of what the measurement is. Maybe say “about 20 feet” to simplify it a little. Do you use any editing software when you finish your scene, because there were quite a few punctuation errors at the beginning. Just little things that an editing program would pick up. Nice scene, well done.

      • Morning Sharon,

        Thanks so much for the details read! Yes to all – pretty much. Sometimes spellcheck corrects my language and I overlook it when posting. I appreciate the distance note – will definitely make the change. Lot of punctuation errors – O No! Again, I will definitely check. In all honesty, I was waaay behind with getting this done and posted by the deadline, I’m a firm believer that imperfect is ok.

        I do not use and editing software; I’d be grateful for your recommendation though!

        Best,
        Maggie

    • Hi Maggie
      I love non-fiction like this, and when I began reading your scene, I was quite excited. You add such lovely colour with your choice of words, the way you add sound to the dialogue by your choice of spelling, and your candid storytelling style. I’m eager to read more. Well done

      • Hello Chantel,

        Thanks so much for your comments.

        This is actually based on my childhood though this scene is not an actual one. I am enjoying the recall involved, that’s for sure!

        Best,
        Maggie

    • Hello Rachel,

      I thank you so much.
      Descriptiveness. I’ll work hard to keep that element strong!

      Best,
      Maggie

    • Maggie,
      This is wonderful! I can feel that hot tar on my bare feet, and hear those bottles rattle in the wagon. Frankly, I’d not change anything…once we start hearing the narrator, we know what she means and it adds authenticity. Glad I have another scene to read!
      I love these characters already.
      G

  • Aw.
    Poor fella. Universal conflict between perceived and actual self.

    Nice.

  • Our youngest sister’s 2004 Honda chugs over the bumpy road

    Squeaking and wobbling

    I squeeze my sphincter muscle 

    Not sure how long I can hold it

    Spying a patch of bushes I grab a crumpled up napkin from my ba […]

    • Oh dear – how uncomfortable … and that smelly backyard toilet! I can smell it all! This is the beauty of poetry – it takes you places like nothing else.

    • Maggie,
      Takes me back to my visit to Amish Country last month, the goats roaming beside the well-used outhouse. Great writing!
      Keep up the good work.
      Best to you,
      Wanda Lovan

    • Hi Maggie, memories evoked in your short piece of writing. I remember camping and having to use the long drop toilets. Oh my goodness, the stench and the flies. One would prefer a shovel and a bit of a hike to find a quiet secluded place. Thanks for sharing.

    • Hello Maggie,
      Oh yuk, but your poem resonates with so many outback (as it were) memories.

  • Thanks, Christa!

    Same to you.

  • Load More

Maggie Davenport

Profile picture of Maggie Davenport

@dmaven

Active 2 days, 17 hours ago
Short Story : 6
Poetry : 5
52 Scenes 2022 : 3