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  • Based on a First Dog on the Moon cartoon like my poem about Cassandra last year. I just loved the idea of a tiny marsupial of hope. See the original cartoon here: […]

    • Dianne, what fun, what creativeness! I like the format, I like that tiny marsupial of hope! I had forgotten First Dog on the Moon, from your poem last year! I bookmarked it, meaning to follow it, but somehow didn’t. Thanks for this poem and reminding me about a site I wanted to folow.

    • Lovely humourous but also thought-provoking poem. Even for someone who has never heard of the first dog on the moon….(a Canadian, eh?)

  • Beautiful. I loved a luminaried trail… 🙂

    Just wondering what artwork you are commenting on…? I’d love to see what prompted this piece.

  • Powerful writing, excellent take on the subject. Thanks for sharing.

  • Your poem really resonates. I could hear it in my head just flowing and beautiful and full of meaning. Loved it.

    Thanks for sharing.

  • Wow, what an interesting painting to pick. Thanks for sharing it and its history.

    I really enjoyed your poem. It really captures the feeling of the girl reading and bringing Cupid into the text just like he was brought into the world again after the painting was restored really echoes the subject nicely. I like the idea that she is leaving…[Read more]

  • Hope this works. Thanks for reading and all comments welcome.

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    I was sweating by the time we’d got through the first nine contestants and I’d got up to speed on using the equipment. Gabe had let me fid […]

    • Poor Miki! Absolutely nothing ever goes her way. Perhaps there’s some kind of jinx on her. I had a bad feeling about bear from the get go. I’m surprised that Gabe remained so passive through out the whole endeavor. So great scene to move the plot forward.

  • Thank you so much. I’m really glad that is coming across clearly. I have had a number of friends with paranoia issues and I remember one in particular who had some crazy ideas but sometimes she picked up on things that other people didn’t and was right on the money. I think labels can be used to dismiss people and you can miss a lot when you use a…[Read more]

  • I feel a bit with Miki that something horribly wrong is always just around the corner. 😀

    Thanks for those pick ups. The second one is interesting. You don’t have the phrase ‘to show willing’? It might be an Australian/Britishism. It’s also probably a bit old fashioned so Miki might not even say something like that. I will have to think about…[Read more]

  • All comments welcome, thanks for reading.

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    At the prison Gabe and I were shown into a room where we could set up our gear. I don’t really know what they thought we were up to but I figured there was a n […]

    • I find all the magic detection and control stuff so interesting! I have a very bad feeling about this visit, as if something is going to go horribly wrong again. Just a couple of pick ups:

      “Gabe shone a thin pencil beam of light device at both cameras and nodded.” Something seems out of place or missing here.

      “I was a learner with my probationary period extended so I had to show willing and learn everything I could”. Should willing and be “willingness to”?

      • I feel a bit with Miki that something horribly wrong is always just around the corner. 😀

        Thanks for those pick ups. The second one is interesting. You don’t have the phrase ‘to show willing’? It might be an Australian/Britishism. It’s also probably a bit old fashioned so Miki might not even say something like that. I will have to think about that a bit more. Thanks for noticing it.

    • Nice worldbuilding around the prison and the management of magics and mental illness. The details make the scene, the bolted furniture, figuring out who got real skills vs fake skills. I’ve worked in psychiatric hospitals and the lack of clarity on mental illness vs developmental disorders vs chosen behavior can be a similar story and sometimes I’ve wondered who is just as prescient as they are psychotic. So it’s well done. I’ll be interested in the plot thickening next week.

      • Thank you so much. I’m really glad that is coming across clearly. I have had a number of friends with paranoia issues and I remember one in particular who had some crazy ideas but sometimes she picked up on things that other people didn’t and was right on the money. I think labels can be used to dismiss people and you can miss a lot when you use a label as shorthand for how someone should be believed or treated.

        And your comments have just reminded me why I trained to be a teacher. I was about 10 years old and I was struggling to get myself heard by some of the adults around me who dismissed the things I said. As a passionate and honest person this was deeply hurtful but very formative. I told myself that I would never use someone’s youth to dismiss them when I was an adult. And one of the writing books I’ve just been reading said to find what you’re passionate about and that’s going to inform your writing… so this issue is definitely one for me and for Miki. 🙂

    • Great world building and build up for the next scene. I can’t wait to see what happens as the candidates are ushered in and tested!

  • Great thought, Eva-Maria. Thanks. 🙂

  • Another intriguing instalment. I am really looking forward to finding out who else he changes into and what makes that happen. I’m guessing he might turn into Anders at a crucial point in the story but maybe it will be someone else…? You are keeping me guessing which is great for story.

  • I didn’t realise that he was still shifted from the last scene. I just figured that Anders could tell he’d shifted because he’s a shifter too and could tell. I might have been alone in this minor confusion though I just thought I’d mention it.

    And the secretary’s reaction is very interesting. Another good scene.

  • Another cool scene. I like his focus on the mechanism to keep himself himself, like he’s learning how to use one of the tools at his disposal as he grows into his new skin. And the dynamics of the relationship with Kendall from Roark’s point of view works really well.

  • It was interesting that he shifted in his sleep and that he waited until the others had left the house. I’m wondering if either of those two things are significant.

    I feel like the dream is not confusing but a little long, like maybe the exchange could be tightened a bit to make it a bit snappier?

    Another good scene with a scary ending… poor Roark.

  • The K K names was an issue for me too.

    I find it hard to keep track of similar character names in stories so it takes effort and I often get confused.

  • Really interesting. I’m wondering if anyone saw the dead mayor alive after he’d died or is Roark’s secret safe? His stepfather obviously still thinks he has the upper hand so I’m looking forward to finding out how that goes for him. It’s a great mix of human and shifter politics and it keeps the story buzzing along.

    Another great scene.

  • You have a real knack with family dynamics which makes these people very real to me. I love that he’s keeping the shifting a secret at the moment until he figures out what’s going on but you also have us dancing on an emotionally scary knife edge as we wonder what his big bully stepfather will do with the secret. And I also love that shifting int…[Read more]

  • Riveting scene.

    My only mild confusion was when she finds the body. As he was bleeding I thought he was alive and when I found out he was dead I had to go back and reread it to find out if I’d missed something.

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Dianne Williams

Profile picture of Dianne Williams

@dilally

Active 16 hours, 27 minutes ago
Short Story : 8
Poetry : 5
52 Scenes 2022 : 19
52 Scenes : 1
Flash Fiction 2022s : 0
52 Scenes Rewrites : 0
Show, don't Tell June 2022's : 0