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  • I really want this story to continue. I was so invested and really want to know whose holds Phil’s soul. Great writing.

  • Thanks Anne. I am glad you enjoyed this one. It was hard to write as i have had a lot of things happening currently in my life. I wrote multiple stories this month but this was the only one i didn’t want to scream at. I am hoping that next months wont be so hard for me. this prompt just brought a lot of emotion to the service, but i am glad people…[Read more]

  • that’s weird. glad you enjoyed the parts you could see.

  • Can’t wait to read more about him

  • I was really liking this story and i hope that you might continue it without the constraints of the word count so it could get the ending it deserved because you are right it ends very suddenly. not much you can do about that due to the word count but i think this story deserves it. Well written.

  • Well this was enjoyable and different from other things i have read from you. I really liked the use of imagery you have used so it was like watching it play out in front of me as i read it. Well done.

  • I love the use of music throughout this story. It was emotional and raw and i enjoyed it. the only thing i will say is that this sentence i think is missing a word.
    The elderly lady decided she didn’t a melon, and hurried away.

    other than that well written.

  • I really enjoy the frantic nature of the MC’s frame of mind throughout this story. Well written.

  • Ah that bitch finally got it coming to her. took long enough. Was that the end? is there more? All this and more will be found out possibly. Ah excited or possibly sad that it is over. Great installment no matter what.

  • Thank you so much. Thank you for your input for that sentence. I will have to think about how i want it to come across so i will have to come back to that.

  • Thank you Seyi. I actually ended up writing 5 different stories for this prompt and this is the only one that I didn’t just want to scream at. I am glad you liked it and that opening sentence really does explain a lot of how i have been feeling lately.

  • Well i think this was absolutely fantastic. Great use of the word count. Great writing.

  • wow. this story was amazing. I was on the edge of my seat towards the end. Fantastic.

  • Three Hours by Dionne Foley

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    I sat there watching the leaves fall from their branches, fat drops of rain pushing them away. My eyes tracked each one as they drifted to their final resting place on the moist […]

    • Eish, Dionne … this is a tough read. Feels cathartic, and I may be wrong, intensely personal but must have been tough to write, anyhow. Your opening sentence gains all sorts of meaning as you leave the reader to ponder the exact nature of what must have been heartbreaking news. The symbolism of the clock is also inescapable, as well as the falling of those ‘damn leaves.’ Plenty to think about, plenty to admire in your handling of this piece. Well done, stay well and stay strong. Seyi

      • Thank you Seyi. I actually ended up writing 5 different stories for this prompt and this is the only one that I didn’t just want to scream at. I am glad you liked it and that opening sentence really does explain a lot of how i have been feeling lately.

    • Great use of including our senses in this story. You really nailed them all – sight, sound and smell. Also you kept my interest engaged till the end. You should feel really good about this story, Dionne. I think you did an outstanding job on it. My only criticism would be this sentence :

      Did I want them here?

      Using “them” instead of him or her infers more than one person. So whether it’s meant to be ambiguous or not – that’s how it comes across.

      • Thank you so much. Thank you for your input for that sentence. I will have to think about how i want it to come across so i will have to come back to that.

        • Sounds good. Like I said if you are trying to keep the identity of the caller ambiguous – I’m sure it’s fine. I just don’t know if it’s grammatically correct or necessary to enhance the story. Knowing the gender of the caller might up the mystery rather than detract from it.

    • Dionne. I tried to read your story but there were ads covering most of it and I couldn’t get rid of them. Damn you Google ads! I did enjoy the bits I read and will try again later.

    • Hi Dionne,

      As one of your regular readers, I’ve learned to expect some form of breath-stealing moments in your stories and while this one didn’t have one such moment, this story as a whole was breath-stealing. I would have to agree with Charles’ comment on how you seamlessly occupied all the senses in your story with your words. This story, albeit seemingly innocuous, I think is one of the deepest one you’ve written in this site so far. I loved it. Thank you for sharing. Love,

      Anne

      • Thanks Anne. I am glad you enjoyed this one. It was hard to write as i have had a lot of things happening currently in my life. I wrote multiple stories this month but this was the only one i didn’t want to scream at. I am hoping that next months wont be so hard for me. this prompt just brought a lot of emotion to the service, but i am glad people seem to like it.

  • Thank you so much and i am glad you enjoyed it.

  • I am so glad you enjoyed the story. I thought of it as the receptionist didn’t understand what was happening at first when the old lady slammed the needle through her hand i pictured it sticking into the desk making her stuck and unable to get away, leading her body to go into a kind of shock and be more immobile than she would like.

  • Thanks for reading and I’m glad you liked it. The lip scene was one of my favorite parts to write, because I was like what could an old lady get a hold of at the desk and I was like oh scissors, oh I have an idea so I am glad that you enjoyed it.

  • And I am glad you read it and liked it. I really tired it write this in a way that would attract the reader to the MC so I am glad it worked, since you wanted to keep reading. I know that this is not everyone’s style so I really appreciate the fact that you gave it a try.

  • Seyi,
    Hope you are well. I am glad you enjoyed it and I will look into possibly dialing down the gore a bit. I am more a vodka person myself but if I had to go dark a whisky would do.

  • Thank you so much. I’m glad you enjoyed it.

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Dionne

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@dfoley

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