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  • I’m going o be patient and wait for the next instalment!

  • interesting.
    The coding at the end confused me a little. Perhaps you could explain that to me please. I can see the AREA bit but the 7 threw me somewhat…
    Have a read of this story aloud to yourself – there are some tense hops in there – ‘I’m not going to..’
    ‘I answer’
    ‘i looked at him confused’ etc.
    This sounds like part of a much bigger…[Read more]

  • 2hat an intriguing story ! I was pleased that you included the spirit of the prompt without actually naming it. guessed the area 52 was another lesser known place that Gerry had crashed on to.
    A few words could be cut to make this crisper and more relevant in building tension etc
    The only thing I would really change is the last line. That…[Read more]

  • ah thank you. that really clears it up.

  • Thank you for reading and commenting. You are right – this is a bad situation. To be honest, this genre isn’t really my thing so I don’t have much of an idea what happens from here on!!

  • this is so sweet! I don’t know the song (I assume it really exists) but the lyrics sound very interesting and would make a good story in their own right!
    Just a little observation – if they walk home together most days, why does she need to say ‘that’s me’ at her gate. Just a ‘see you tomorrow’ I said as I turned towards my garden gate…. or…[Read more]

  • This was a gem of a story. It had all the necessary elements – simplicity, but multi-layered, emotion, and the ending leaving the reader with hope and a question.
    I think this was one of the best uses of the prompt (of the stories I have read so far) .
    As i was reading at first, I was making notes to say, why put insignificant details in – the…[Read more]

  • Thank for your kind, encouraging comments. My reply to Peggy should give you more answers but to deal with your question re the talking stopping – Mrs Hudson has not really stopped talking but she is so traumatised by the loss of if he son that she cannot bear to engage with the boys that hang around her house. The MC stops talking as a kind of…[Read more]

  • well this made me laugh out loud – I hope you don’t take offence at that but I found it to be full of humour! the topical slant of the story combined with the reptilian characters just tickled my funny bone.
    I am also jealous of your skill in maintaining dialogue to tell a story – that takes some doing!
    A couple of edits could benefit the piece…[Read more]

  • another tear-fest for me!! Why oh why didnt the MC adopt her??? I know the answer – it’s not correct protocol for volunteers to ‘cherry pick’ at such sanctuaries… but still!!!
    I’m kind of guessing that maybe the man on the bench adopted her? though that would have been a bit sudden unless someone at the shelter could have vouched for…[Read more]

  • What a shame we only had 500 measly words! This could have been a corker! In fact, I see it as a ‘campfire style story told by someone to his friends (just before they encounter some alien force!!)
    I loved the tone of the story, the use of the prompt and the title.
    One little possible typo ‘a man called Uncle Vernon visited ‘then”? Should that…[Read more]

  • Thank you so much.
    I wanted to keep some tension in there but as everyone has suggested it needed a higher degree of tension, I will work on this….

  • Gosh, I’m loving these suggestions! But NOT loving trying to fit it into 500 words!!!
    I think the light I ws thinking of was tha sort of yellowish tinge over everything that I used to get before a migraine (and made me feel sick) – but I see I should have elaborated on that – just because I can picture it doesn’t mean anyone else can.
    Thank you…[Read more]

  • that makes total sense to me. Thank you for enlightening me. I look forward to reading more from you.

  • thank you for reading and for your comments.
    ooooo – I like those suggestions, though how the heck I’d squash them into 500 words would be a challenge!
    The burning scars are definitely staying if I re do this story!
    Thank you so much.

  • This is a unique take on the prompt and, in my experience, unique as a story.
    I had some confusion about the ‘king’ and ‘Death’ and took me a while to assume they were the same?
    Could you give a bit more of a hint about Arya and the reason he was chosen by the agents? It may have given this story a bit more focus possibly…
    Even more…[Read more]

  • Th Hudsons were just ordinary folk but Mr H has somehow angered the ‘alien force’ behind this. Their son was taken as punishment and as a warning not to publicise his findings (whatever it was he discovered from his telescope activities)
    It is the same light/force that came back from the mC. More detail in my reply to Peggy (above)
    Thank you…[Read more]

  • what lovely comments! Thank you! I didn’t think it was creepy but I had aimed for an uneasy undertone! Way out of my comfort zone with this genre!

  • I’m so glad you continued with this (back)story of Allie . It really has a ‘feel’ to it and even sadder for its realistic content.
    Like Paul, I would have preferred to have seen the prompt at the end – a sort of sight of a safe haven |(though she obviously changes her mind going by last month’s story)
    Maybe if Kevin told her to go to the shelter…[Read more]

  • Hi and thanks for reading and your feedback. The way my mind saw this was that Mr Hudson had long been interested in ‘alien’ activity (hence the telescope) and has somehow gotten into a situation where his interest has angered ‘the aliens’ (whoever they are!). They took the HUdsons’ son before they moved to No 52. The HUdsons moved for a fresh…[Read more]

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del richards

@del-richards

active 22 hours, 7 minutes ago
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