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  • Holiday

    Alice was off to Greece.

    Claire, her best friend drove her to the airport, with stern warnings about Greece.  Its beauty made young women crazy!  “And just remember, this is a HOLIDAY,” she almost shout […]

    • I’m a sucker for a romance, and this one was lovely. A nice escapist story after a long week of work. Thanks. Keep it up.

    • Love this story. Holiday romances are so free and unencumbered. If he hadn’t said I want you to have my babies, I would have wanted their romance to continue. Thank you for a great story.

    • Sounds like a lovely holiday but I did feel that she was stringing him along a bit, using him and being insensitive to the effect she was having on him. Is that just me?

      A thoroughly engaging story, thanks for sharing.

  • Very clever! I like the way it is written, and does put a spin on what Romeo should have done instead of how it did once turn out. Also the dragon is looking after him and offering, of course some sound advice! I will read the earlier pieces.

  • I love the way it has been written without narrative, and everything is in the words spoken by the two. Very clever.

  • I liked the story, and I do agree with the first comment that it forms the basis for a longer story or indeed a novel!
    Nicely written…

  • Beautiful story. Really crammed a huge amount into 500 words. Well done.

  • For a lawyer – the disclaimer was of vital interest to me!!!! I liked it. Very clever!

  • I am in the same (similar) position with my granddaughter. Does one mollycoddle her? Does one let her experience everything that life can offer? What is better over or underproduction…? So this story resonates with me. I think you have a similar situation to Corey??? The piece was so real. Well done. I liked it!

  • Nice story. I like the staccato style – it just emphasises the seemingly chaotic venture undertaken! Good one!

  • Guarded

     

     

    As one of the newly ordained priests, Juliana was given the poorest and most desolate parish in the diocese.  But ever the optimist and with an unshakeable belief in her God, her religion and he […]

    • Ah, I really enjoyed your story. Great build up of tension and excellent resolution. I had this idea when reading it that it may work even better if it was written in present tense. I don’t think it would be a massive edit, but I think it would be so stunning.

    • Hi Daryl,
      You’ve managed to pack a lot of story into 500 words. Bravo! You do hope the woman of God spared a charitable thought for the sinner at her feet, but that might be a bit much to ask:).
      Not much to add by way of constructive criticism. As you work on this, you may lose some extra verbiage for a tighter prose style (e.g.His two friends screamed [delete ‘in fright and’] disappeared into the night. But overall, I think this is a worthy treatment of the prompt.
      Sharon

    • I like the premise and could easily be extended with the constraints of a limited word count. You managed a beginning, middle and an end. Always difficult in a few words, well done.

  • Sad. I love the way that the story is soooo current. It just brings home the cruelty and effect of this pandemic. It is well written and brings home how serious this COVID is. Nicely written on all levels. Quite powerful and the underlying currents and effect of the virus is well illustrated.

  • Nice. I like the courage of Tommy. And the strength of the human condition. Lovely.

  • Nice. Positive story and really things are not always what they seem! Also to me shows that Social Media is a dangerous dangerous place to be. I left it about 6 weeks ago and haven’t been back. Don’t miss it. I like the ending. The life of nature contra’d with the high tech of the computer. Maybe we need to go away from IT and instead of…[Read more]

  • Interesting. Well written and although gruelling does posit a positive result for the mother and daughter. Very thought provoking.

  • Yowzer. Quite powerful stuff. I did a couple of divorces in my time as an attorney and I can understand and relate to the story. I acted mainly for the women and some men behaved in such a way as to make Clive’s actions ‘normal’. The story just gives the horror to the situation many women find themselves in. I liked the crescendo at the end.…[Read more]

  • Nice. Builds up to a crescendo. There were shades of ‘maybe this is her last job; maybe she would not survive.’ Not been to Greece but the description just gave a feeling of the white houses. Nice story.

  • Blue

    They were gathered around the only television set at the station.  Caitlin, her colleague Evie, and the rest of the squad.

    Caitlin watched the screen intently.  It was a PR exercise dreamed of by police h […]

    • I really enjoyed your story. There was a nice balance between dialogue and storytelling. I’m curious though as to why they were not able to recognise his voice? Thanks for sharing

    • Hi Darryl,

      I liked this. An entire story read in 1 sitting.

      Some food for thought:
      There is a lot of telling in this submission.
      Swapping out telling for showing might increase the word count which may force you to drop some things.
      It’s always a balancing act.

      Good job.

      Cheers,
      Paul

    • Hi I really enjoyed the premise and the twist. Could you perhaps stick to one clue to his identity (eg you used his eyes and his shoes but keeping it one might make it clearer).

  • Inheritance

    Chlarissa was in her dressing room.  She had finished her ‘exotic dance’ routine when there was a knock the door.  She opened it.

    A man was standing in the doorway. Chlarissa stared at him.  “Yes?” […]

    • What? What? Millions? Not the point, right? Well, done, Darryl.

    • I like the way you used fairly pared back dialogue to advance the story. It made for an easy, flowing narrative. It’s an oft used concept for a story, but still a very satisfying read. Good job!

    • Ese replied 4 months ago

      Hi Darryl, I am glad she can finally leave Charlie’s hellhole. I like the twist with Finn. nice story.

  • Darryl started taking the course 30 Days of Dialogue 5 months, 1 week ago

  • Darryl started taking the course 52 Scenes | 2021 5 months, 1 week ago

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Darryl

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@darryl

Active 4 days, 9 hours ago
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