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  • Hey Rachel! Glad you loved my story. I think what resonates with you all is that my stories are based on real events.

    Yeah, I tinker with them to make them more entertaining (Hence my claim that these stories are mostly bs). But, life is often stranger than fiction.

    I can honestly say that the Japanese Police were incredibly hospitable…[Read more]

  • Okay. I think I learned something new. Very cool Marilyn. Kudos on this new writing style. I never heard of it before.

  • Thank you Jane for reading my story and for your comments. I made a few edits based on your critique. Don’t know how I missed the “twenty fours” cause it doesn’t appear that way in my final draft. Since I submitted this tale to Spillwords.com I’m hoping they got the correct edition. I’m glad many of you are enjoying my nostalgic stories,…[Read more]

  • This poor guy keeps hitting his head! I thought you did a great job maintaining the flow of your story. However, I became confused (didn’t hit my head) where this was all going until the ending where you revealed the MCs possible affliction. Despite my confusion I thought this was a clever attempt at this month’s Prompt. If I have any critique is…[Read more]

  • Thank you Matt. I’m glad you’re digging my nostalgic fiction. I’ll definitely be writing more tales of my misspent youth in the near future.

  • I like how you quickly whipped the carpet from under our feet by taking a different track in your story. What appears to be a random meeting with a former classmate turns into something quite tragic. No critique on this one just praise. Can’t say much more without giving away *SPOILERS* so I’m just gonna say great job, Rachel!

  • Matt, for someone who claimed he was in a rush – this was good stuff. Perhaps you’ve gathered from my past critiques I’m not overly fussy about pointing out grammatical mistakes. Rather I like to focus on the overall feeling of an Author’s story. That being said – I think this one of my favorites of yours. It’s clever, witty, wildly imaginative…[Read more]

  • “No shaking, God is in control,” is one of my favorite lines in this irreverent tale about political corruption and deceit. Your ribald whit is in fine form this month. As usual you have crafted a fine story filled with double entendres that causes me smile throughout. My only criticism is that the transitions are a little choppy. That being…[Read more]

  • Well, the ending of the story pretty much sums up how life plays out. Adventures never begun and experiences never to be repeated – despite one’s best intentions. Time gets away from all of us,I think.
    Thank you, Justine for reading my story and for your supportive feedback.

  • “Never let the Truth get in the way of telling a good story.” Mark Twain

    Hi Amrita! The story is part autobiographical and part fiction. I altered a few things for entertainment purposes. To “toss one’s cookies ” refers to someone throwing up. Thank you for the feedback.

  • I love stories about Vampires and other denizens of the night. I think you are getting better and better at crafting your tales of the supernatural. This one was really good. So keep plugging away, friend.

  • Thanks Buddy for catching that use of “outside ” twice in the third line. I have modified it as per your suggestion. The bones of this story are accurate. I manipulated the dialogue and events for the reader’s entertainment. Kadena was an Air Force Base in Southern Okinawa. All personnel flew into Kadena, usually on the Flying Tigers. Once there…[Read more]

  • Now we’re cookin’…okay it’s kind of bad pun considering what happened to Fraea. But I thought this was an action packed continuation of your storyline. What I enjoyed is you managed to move the story forward even though there were several characters in different scenes. Your tale flowed well and the tension was maintained throughout – so…[Read more]

  • Thank you, Peggy! I’m glad you like my stuff. This one was fun to write. I ended road testing this story by reading it out loud to some of my coworkers/friends. Got some supportive feedback which helped me grammatically and with the humor. Thanks again for weighing in.

  • I liked the premise of time travel in your story. I think you showed a lot of imagination in it. I especially loved the perma wave hair styler doubling as a time travel machine. Poor Edwina.

  • My goodness you certainly have a lot going on in this ongoing storyline. I like how you are now focusing on these poor kids and their awful guardian. I hope justice/karma will prevail. Meanwhile you have me on tenterhooks to see what happens next. Thanks for giving us a plot synopsis at the end – as it helps keep things straight. Good job on this…[Read more]

  • Thank you, zannierose. I’m glad you enjoyed reading my story. The Japanese police in my story behaved exactly as I described them – with kindness and courtesy. Very surprising indeed.

  • “You come with us,” said a sinister voice inside a police patrol car. The flashlight blinded me to its occupants.Oh shit, how’d I get into this mess? I wondered, mentally kicking myself for not taking a military […]

    • I like the tone of this. It made me think of the 40’s PI stories.
      all I wanted was to dance and sweat Okinawa out of my body and soul”- great sentence.
      I was surprised by the behaviour of the police though.

      • Thank you, zannierose. I’m glad you enjoyed reading my story. The Japanese police in my story behaved exactly as I described them – with kindness and courtesy. Very surprising indeed.

    • I so love your stories, Charles, and I’m sure I say this every time, but it’s like sitting around a campfire drinking a beer with a bunch of friends while you regale us with your yarns. It’s always entertaining and visual, you have a great way with details that puts me in the story trying not to giggle and give away my presence. Well done!

      • Thank you, Peggy! I’m glad you like my stuff. This one was fun to write. I ended road testing this story by reading it out loud to some of my coworkers/friends. Got some supportive feedback which helped me grammatically and with the humor. Thanks again for weighing in.

    • Seyi replied 1 week ago

      Eish, Charles if this is from your soon-to-be-published memoirs, permit me to state the obvious. You’ve lived a life and a half. If it’s from your imagination, I doff my cap. I like the setup. The description of the seedy side of life as a backdrop to the unwelcome-sounding police station made me fear for the safety of your narrator. The payoff, with the cultures coming together, instead of clashing is a cool twist. Do have a look at teh repetition of ‘outside’ on the third line, and can you advise the Kadena / Okinawa relationship? (Your narrator refers to flights to both these places.) All the best and regards, Seyi

      • Thanks Buddy for catching that use of “outside ” twice in the third line. I have modified it as per your suggestion. The bones of this story are accurate. I manipulated the dialogue and events for the reader’s entertainment. Kadena was an Air Force Base in Southern Okinawa. All personnel flew into Kadena, usually on the Flying Tigers. Once there they would be dispursed throughout the island based on their assigned unit.
        The Japanese Police were incrediblely courteous and hospitable. Before I got on the plane one of them gave me his picture saying “We are friends now. Remember me.”
        Thanks for reading and for weighing in. I do appreciate your comments.

    • Really enjoyed this Charles! It was very well-written. Loved the voice of the main character and also loved the twist at the end of the two cultures coming together. It was a heart-warming surprise but I also loved the detail at the end of how he wanted to go back but didn’t. Felt very real.

      • Well, the ending of the story pretty much sums up how life plays out. Adventures never begun and experiences never to be repeated – despite one’s best intentions. Time gets away from all of us,I think.
        Thank you, Justine for reading my story and for your supportive feedback.

    • Hi Charles,
      That was a humourous account of a non native in Japan. I guess this story is largely based on autobiographical information. I loved how confused the narrator felt in Japan. The encounter with the old lady was humourous. I didn’t catch some of the colloquial references, for instance something about “tossing cookies”. But I guess that’s just me. I also loved his interaction with Japanese policemen. I didn’t know that the Japanese were so inquisitive about American way of living. Great read! Thank you for sharing!

      • “Never let the Truth get in the way of telling a good story.” Mark Twain

        Hi Amrita! The story is part autobiographical and part fiction. I altered a few things for entertainment purposes. To “toss one’s cookies ” refers to someone throwing up. Thank you for the feedback.

    • Charles – as always – thanks for putting a smile on my face. Lots to unpack here but you did a phenomenal job as paining this picture. Banter was great, just enough suspense, great use of humor. Incredible – love the real life stories you have been telling over the last few months! – Matt

      • Thank you Matt. I’m glad you’re digging my nostalgic fiction. I’ll definitely be writing more tales of my misspent youth in the near future.

    • Hi Charles, another pearler. I agree with Matt, your personal stories (with some embellishment I assume as you say fiction and not autobiographical) are very entertaining. What an amazing life you have lead:) Gave me a few giggles – would like to see those ‘gaijin’ dance moves:)

      Two tiny suggestions:
      and it put me off from eating bananas like forever. I don’t think the from is necessary in this sentence.
      I had less than twenty fours to make it back there – I think you missed the hours in this one – twenty four hours.

      Well done and thanks for sharing:)

      • Thank you Jane for reading my story and for your comments. I made a few edits based on your critique. Don’t know how I missed the “twenty fours” cause it doesn’t appear that way in my final draft. Since I submitted this tale to Spillwords.com I’m hoping they got the correct edition. I’m glad many of you are enjoying my nostalgic stories, however, I must emphasize that most of my tales should be titled “Mostly Bullshit ” because I write stories to strictly entertain people. The bones of the stories or the inspiration for them may be based on truth but they are not true memoirs.
        Anyway Thanks again for reading. I always enjoy hearing from you.
        PS. Mostly BS would make a great title for a pseudo memoir don’t you think? 😉

    • Heyya, Charles! As usual, your story does NOT disappoint! It was laugh out loud funny and authentic – no wonder everyone thinks you’re writing memoir! – and I just loved it. The ending was so unexpected, which made it all the more touching and sweet. Good luck with the Spillwords submission – they’d be foolish not to publish this! – Rachel

      • Hey Rachel! Glad you loved my story. I think what resonates with you all is that my stories are based on real events.

        Yeah, I tinker with them to make them more entertaining (Hence my claim that these stories are mostly bs). But, life is often stranger than fiction.

        I can honestly say that the Japanese Police were incredibly hospitable during my short stay in Tokyo. My brief interaction with them remains one of my fondest and one of my saddest memories, as I never went back.

        You know, I would have liked to have gotten a chance to have seen some those cherry blossom trees.

        Anyway…

        Thanks for taking the time reading it.

        PS Fingers crossed on Spillwords publishing this tale in the near future.

        Now I gotta get to work on next month’s prompt.

  • Howdy Amrita! Yes, I used an answering service back in in 1983. They weren’t as horrible as this one – however I’m sure there were some screw ups back then too. Eventually it just made more sense (and it was cheaper) to get an answering machine. Thank you so much for reading and commenting.

  • Bwahahaha! Thanks for reading Marilyn. I’m glad you enjoyed it!!

    Sincerely,

    “Cha” 😉

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Charles R.

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@crbucklin

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