• Faya couldn’t believe there was only one match left. Two out of three, not a bad effort for someone who didn’t have much martial arts training just a mere few weeks ago! She knew most credit went to Seven Wol […]

    • Hi, Christa-
      A good reflective scene. Nice that her bye day came before the bout with Reed. And good that she decided to trust her inner voice.
      “Bucket of water” seems not quite right to me. More like a tub, I think, if it was big enough for Faya to get it & completely submerge. And “way before” seems a little colloquial. Maybe “well before”?
      I’ll be interested to learn what Faya can do to overcome Reed. Perhaps, since Earth generates Metal, & Metal cuts Wood, she should use Holt’s sword? That may be overly simplistic, though.
      Also curious about the notes found in the hilt of the sword (speaking of Holt’s sword). I suspected that his and Faya’s fathers may have had something to do with Gray Wolf losing the map.
      Looking forward to whatever comes next!

    • Michael replied 1 day ago

      The mom’s writing could be distinct, like a letter to Faya she always treasured so read often, like a unique half heart above the letter “i”. Nice scene, little relax before the big fight. I like the whole letter idea.
      Love the idea of a treasure map so late in the story. I see what you mean now about turning this into more than a stand-alone book.
      Nice work with this… 😉

  • Faya was woken by impatient knocks on the door.  

    She rubbed her eyes, and shot right up. 

      The tournament! Day 3! How could I have slept in?

    “Be right there!” She yelled as she jumped out of bed to get rea […]

    • Hi, Christa-
      This will be a very interesting scene once you get it filled in. I hadn’t thought of the person in the aqua robe being a competitor. I look forward to her further meeting with him.
      I suspect that you’re saving Reed for last. That will be what Americans call a knock-down-drag-out fight. I’ll be interested to see how she handles her emotions in that one–and what Reed’s reaction to her will be.

    • Just catching up. It’s a good way to zip through to the end. Good luck with your work load. 😉

  • “Second round, Faya Go from Earth Clan will face Bern Chan from Fire Clan!” Bern could best be described as “average.” Average built, average height. A forgettable face with no distinctive feature. Even his swor […]

    • Hi, Christa-
      Welcome back! Lucky for Faya this is a round-robin, rather than a single-elimination tournament. She is learning as she goes. And losing teaches us more than winning. She will do better next time.
      I wondered about this: “Average built, average height.” I usually hear this as “build,” not “built.” (English is hard!)
      Interesting way to handle the fight scene–nothing seen. I’d like to know more, though, about the circumstances. Is she barefoot or shod? If barefoot, can she feel the sand on the floor?
      I also wonder whether reopening the wound to her eye offers her a chance to regain the sight through the healer.
      Bold move to cover the wrong eye. I might have told him to cover his face, it bothered me! It seemed like a good idea at first, but she was too focused on herself & the previous fight, not enough on this fight & her opponent. I wonder what she would have identified as his weak spot if she had been thinking about it.
      Good scene!

    • I’m just catching up now with your story. I like the fight – you were worried about it. Felt just fine. 😉

  • Thank you for the feedback and suggestions! I did think about watching some fight scene then try to describe – I’ll do so in rewrite – work has been crazy busy so don’t have much time and am a bit sleep deprived… not good execuses but…

    I haven’t forgotten Momo! It will make an apperance later, I promise 🙂

    I didn’t get to answering your…[Read more]

  • Faya woke up at the crack of dawn and was disoriented for a moment about where she was. The hut was bare of decoration but had a decent bed. Despite her nervousness, she managed to get some rest after the long […]

    • I do wish it could this easy, and I quote. <> It’s a smart story device to prevent the players from watching each other. It would be smart to introduce this right at the start when they were practicing back home. I did like Faya’s trepidation before the fight.
      You do know you’ve got a few more fights – I hope you find your qi for them. Jokes aside – I know how you feel. Try watching something like Shaolin Soccer and even Crouching Tiger, clips on YouTube – then pause the action somewhere and start your fighting scenes based on that.
      I once built a whole scene just from a picture of a boat crossing a river.
      This craft is tricky sometimes. 😉
      Momo?

      • Thank you for the feedback and suggestions! I did think about watching some fight scene then try to describe – I’ll do so in rewrite – work has been crazy busy so don’t have much time and am a bit sleep deprived… not good execuses but…

        I haven’t forgotten Momo! It will make an apperance later, I promise 🙂

        I didn’t get to answering your earlier comment – I had planend this story as a trilogy from the get go. There is no cliffhanger so you will find out who wins the tournament at the end of this book, but some of the mysteries may not get resolved until later as they tie to the bigger overarching themes. Or at least that’s the plan. Book 1 is more about Faya’s personal growth. Book 2 about family. Book 3 about society. But we’ll see if I can pull it off. Still deciding whether to do 52S next year to start on Book 2 or do at my own pace… or focus on revising Book 1 first but I have a feeling things happened in Boo 2 or 3 may change things in Book 1 so who knows! Will think more later when I have time to think 🙂

    • Hi, Christa-
      I look forward to your description of the fight because you’ve always done so well with them before.
      When I read this, “She reached into her pocket to take out the grape-sized moonstone that Holt gifted her when they were kids. She always had this stone with her as a talisman all these years.”, I wished we had seen this talisman before. It might be something to turn to on other occasions as well, especially when she considered becoming Holt’s fiancé and when he died.
      I liked the introspection before the fight. But the vegan part is new. I’m a little surprised to see that ethic in your world, although not disappointed or feeling it is out of place. I am surprised, though, that it threw Faya for such a loop.
      Looking forward to the rest of the tournament!

    • Day one done! Nice bit about the first opponent being a familiar, though unexpected, face. Looking forward to the rest of the scenes!

    • Hi Christa, thanks for letting us have a little peek behind the curtain. You may not have the mental energy to write your fight scene but your summary was quite good, as was your reasoning on how it would help move Faya on to the next round. I am a bit curious about the pig thief giving her such grief, unless the whole point of that is to make her feel rattled before her next round. If so, then you might want to amp up your language about her emotions instead of just telling us she’s confused. I know that opponents often try to get in our heads, so I’m going with that being his reasoning. Well, that and sour grapes at him losing. 🙂

  • So my suspicion was right about Terrance… sigh. I was also confused about the “crack” at the end for Samuel. I wasn’t sure if it was a gunshot or something cracking inside the cave.

    I am a bit surprised Madison stayed silent but maybe that’s her tactic, especially after hearing Terrance was the one who set her up, but maybe she’s trying to…[Read more]

  • The closer they got to the tournament, the more restless Faya felt.

    One moment she was excited, the next she was sad that Holt wasn’t here with her. Another moment she was nervous, then she felt proud of what s […]

    • This made me laugh, “Faya rolled her eye.” So easy to forget. 😉 Finally, the tournament. I guess you could elaborate on the training a little, like a whole chapter. Perhaps make it a parallel to what and how the old woman taught her – same ideas and techniques but different tool maybe. Then when she puts it all together, she’s unstoppable (even against the big strong bad guy), but of course not the first fight – she needs to get thrashed there and go limping back to Seven Wolf who gives her some tough love. LOL. Karate Kid 2.0.
      Moving the story along is fine – I got the gist of it no problem. I am wondering about her teaching the rest of the clan – something to do after the tournament, or even a whole new adventure when this is done. This story world can easily turn into something more especially considering she kind of been on a hell of a journey, lost people, learnt things – the heroes journey I think it is.
      I do want to know what happened to Momo, I don’t remember…

    • Hi, Christa-
      To tell the truth, I hadn’t really thought about adding some of the training sessions, but that would make a great addition to the scene. I won’t talk about the other stuff since you preempted it. 🙂
      The organizer knew Faya was from Earth Clan: “taking in Faya’s clothing and mannerism.” It might be a good idea to make more of the mannerisms and differences in clothing that make someone identifiable as a member of a clan. I think that would definitely add some depth to the story.
      Faya’s already trying to find a way around her promise to Holt. I hope she doesn’t do that accidentally on purpose. I fear it would haunt her.
      Good job advancing the story!

    • The tournament begins! I think it might be a good idea to periodically add in little bits that are from Faya’s enhanced senses. Just little things like picking a different piece of food because she can tell one is slightly off, or noticing that someone who is standing still and looking calm is actually quite nervous because she can hear them breathing quickly.

    • Christa, I think you’ve done a good job moving your story forward. I think you keep giving us those snippets of emotion Faya feels at losing Holt but also at taking his place. To tell you the truth, I have a hard time writing the scenes where my characters are moving along a path/road, so I notice how well you do it.

      I feel bad for Faya being put in the position of having to choose whether she should lead the Wolf clan when she has the whole tournament to face as well. I like how you made it very clear what some of the rules of the tournament are (being alone until Day One, keeping the competitors from seeing each other, finding out who your competitor is on the day of fighting) without doing any info-dumping.

      I did notice there was one word that is probably wrong. I think you used the word processed in a place where you meant to use possessed, but I could be wrong. 🙂

  • I’d say don’t worry about the time right now in first draft. I know you’re taking notes for rewrite, so work on that during rewrite instead? Perhaps when the first draft is finished, you’d have a better sense of time, and how to incorporate that into the story. Maybe it’s always late afternoon in Landau! I mean, I always wish it’s 75F all year long! 🙂

  • I am so, so grateful for all the feedback too! I had always thought that who’d want to read my crappy first draft – I know I have a lot to work on, especially since I “tell” more than “show” – but had learned that I need to plot first before I worry about language or I’d be forever stuck. And I know all the comments I get will make my 2nd draft…[Read more]

  • Oh that makes sense about why Mom worries about Marcum more, I really thought Mom has Stockholm Syndrome. Maybe in rewrite Mom could emphasis more about how Bobbie Anne resembled her – more foreshadowing?

  • Cleve Gus.

    A couple of thoughts:
    1) Since Gus hasn’t seen Martin for a while and of course never like this, once Martin identified himself, would Gus have been surprirsed and said What happened? Why is he like this etc etc? Even if he kinda knows the answer from what Beth said, wouldn’t Marin expect Gus to ask, find it odd that Gus…[Read more]

  • Everyone already said what I wanted to say, but much better. This is a pivtal scene.

    One thing I’m a bit curious about – given that Michael’s interview is coming up and stakes are high, would he really be that stupid to want to engage with Peony at this time? Perhaps Alma’s action shook him and he’s not thinking clearly and so when Peony was…[Read more]

  • All the puzzle stuff is why I wish this is a movie scene lol. It’s interesting, for some books I can totally visulize it in my head like a movie; but for some genre – like fantasy and some scifi, I just don’t have that imagination from reading the descrption hence I like the movie for LOTR…

    And what a cliffhanger ending – I hope Samuel is a…[Read more]

  • Now you got me curious about ground/grinded! Not sure if this is 100% accurate (haven’t fact checked how reliable this site …) https://writingexplained.org/grinded-or-ground

  • The beginning of the scene started out light-hearted but it ended with a big decision! You captured the relationship between Marcum and Tervor well – to think that Trevor is an uncle! I echoed the other’s comment about time – would Marcum’s dad be worried? Does Marcum worry about his dad losing him?

  • Great scene, lots of conflict. Poor bishop. You definitely made us want to find out what happens next. And I wonder how things will intersect between the 2 storylines. Well done!

  • Monica and Profile picture of Christa LChrista L are now friends 1 month ago

  • Christa L commented on the post, Plunger 1 month ago

    Oh didn’t expect the ending. Well done on 30 days!

  • That was a fun read 🙂 I see that you said it’s between 2 pigs and is a fantasy story; but it also works with 2 people! Well done on 30 days!

  • Christa L commented on the post, Plunge by Eva-Maria 1 month ago

    Oh a fun one to end the challenge – well done!

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Christa L

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