• When my alarm went off, I smacked it quiet again. But unlike most mornings, where I would roll over until the persistent ringing annoyed me too much, I sat up, awake and alert. Today was the day. My whole body […]

    • Hi Chloe, great story. At first I thought she had lost her daughter in the accident and I wondered why you’d brought it in so soon. Then you revealed the twist and it immediately it changed everything . Well done

    • I really like the story. You did well to surprise with everything that happened and to let the reader discover everything that happened along with the narrator. Well done. The last part is just a bit rushed with too happening, but I understand that is probably due to word count. Also I think as the mom had 6 weeks in hospital before going home I think there would beany conversations in that time between her and the daughter about what in all that time, as opposed to the car ride home.

  • Love this! This is so well built and I love the repeat of the first line half way through – to me, it sounds as if the narrator is talking about mental illness? I agree with Stevie and the disparity between the first line and the last is so great and makes it really impactful. Thanks for sharing.

  • Shadows of old,

    Creeping into the room.

    A scared little mouse,

    Cries out too soon.

    Mother rushes in,

    A light in her hand.

    She drives the shadow aside,

    But she won’t understand.

    She closes the d […]

    • One of my childhood fears! Don’t let your foot dangle off the side of the bed! Did you mean to type head or hear in that last stanza? Excellent choice of illustration for this poem!

    • The comfort of Mother – light in the dark night of a child’s fear! Good job!

    • Hello Chloe,
      Ooh, a poem that resonates with me. It wasn’t until I slept on a divan that I stopped worrying about what was under the bed. Looking at Juanita’s comment – may be ‘heed’ would be better than head, but then it wouldn’t rhyme with bed! Lovely rhythm to the poem. Well done.

    • Shadows make your imagination conjure up so many things, that only light can take away. Your poem has a rhythm that goes well with the subject. Thank you for sharing this slice of childhood. I enjoyed it.

  • Hello! I really enjoyed your story. I think this has a lot of potential to be a larger piece if it isn’t already. You seem to have a well thought out character and the backstory is really rich. It would almost have been nice to have more words so that the backstory wasn’t more prominent than the ‘now’ part of the story. Great idea and I hope you…[Read more]

  • The little, old woman at the end of the road is a caged little bitch. Just yesterday she asked me why God cursed me with such an ugly child.

    “She’s just guarded,” my husband said when I told him what happe […]

    • What a lovely story. Great take on the prompt and great build up of the frustration of both the women perfectly resolved at the end. Loved it.

      Just a note on a typo – previsions? Did you mean provisions? I hope it’s okay to mention it.

    • I agree this is a lovely story. I like that it took time and effort for the women to get to common ground. Your dialogue flowed very naturally. I really enjoyed it.

    • Lovely story and characters. Though, it sounds like the whole rigmarole could have been prevented had the husband just told her everything he knew upfront. Pfft, men!

    • I really like the anticipation you created with every step she took closer to getting the lady to allow her into her home.

  • ‘What are you waiting for?’ the voice whispered. ‘Jump, fly, plunge. It’s the only chance you’ll get.’

    I stepped up to the ledge, shaking. I wasn’t sure what I was doing. I wasn’t in my right mind. And yet, […]

    • Nicely done! Wasn’t expecting the bungee cord. 😀

    • Hi
      Your surprise ending was brilliant. CA

    • Great way to build suspense!

    • Nina replied 1 month ago

      Oh I was hoping. Thanks 😊

    • Jane replied 1 month ago

      Hi Chloe, well done. I was thinking paragliding or cliff jumping, didn’t actually think of bungee jumping. A nice little twist there. And that is something that is definitely not on my bucket list, scary. Well done and congratulations on making it to the end of the challenge:)

      One small suggestion: And yet, I couldn’t not – I find And yet, I couldn’t not a bit confusing. Maybe And yet, I couldn’t stop or couldn’t quit.

    • I love the tension you built. The fear, the uncertainty. I felt it all. I’m glad it was a bungee. I was hoping.

    • Excellent build up. I, too, was surprised by the bungee cord. Well done.

    • Wow! I’m relieved to find it was a bungee jump! But I’m so afraid of high places, I could never get near that situation!

    • A lot of tension for sure! Well done on Day 30!!

  • “Where do the dolphins go?” Lily asked, pointing as the sleek animals devoured the waves. They laughed, chasing the foam and leaping over each other until the sun set.

    Taylor hitched the littlun on her hip. She […]

    • Hi
      Wow: what a poignant tale you have wrought from this prompt. CA

    • Bitter-sweet story. I want to know what happened to Mumma and Dadda, but love the relationship between aunt and niece.

    • That was a wonderfully sweet tale. You’ve captured a very poignant time between aunt and niece. Well done.

    • Jane replied 1 month ago

      Wow Chloe, I have to confess to getting a tear in my eye and lump in my throat as I read your last few sentences. Beautifully captured. The imagery, the words and the sweet and simple love between an Aunt and her only link to her lost sister – her niece. Loved it.

    • so beautiful Chloe. Thanks for sharing. I see the last scene happening in front of me. Good job 🙂

    • A lovely story. so gentle too.

    • This is an emotional one. Well done for turning a difficult prompt into a bitter-sweet story!

  • Just sit for a minute.

    No, not there. A little to your left.

    Ah, that’s it. Doesn’t that feel better? I’ll let you digest. Just listen to my voice.

    Soft waves crash on white sand. Fish flutter in the cryst […]

    • Hi
      Ooh! Didn’t expect that. Well done with so few words. CA

    • Jane replied 1 month ago

      I was thinking it was a bit of a meditation, until the second last sentence. Yes you have got my attention Chloe, well done:)

    • I was getting all zoned out and then – surprise. A body washes up – very unexpected. Well done.

    • This is a great response to this prompt. I like the tone of the piece.

    • You’ve got my attention! Wow! 😀

    • haha.. yes yes. well done Chloe. a complete story 🙂

  • Aranyani growled. The tiger roared back.

  • So much in so little! Well done 🙂

  • Nice take on the prompt.

  • Victoria sat, staring at nothing. She had waited everyday of her life for this – to finally have a purpose. And yet, she’d dreaded it.

    In a moment, she would stand, straighten her back as her tutors had tau […]

    • Hi Chloe, took me till nearly the end to work it out. Well done, a nice little twist, and definitely a higher purpose.

    • I like how you showed her fear and her courage through her body language and thoughts. Nice work.

  • Clare tapped her fingernail against the table. She had just looked at the clock and the couple on the next table earlier kept giving her dirty looks. She caught them staring and she made a face at them before […]

  • Liza stepped back to admire her handiwork. The shop was perfect. She’d fought tooth and nail to fit in here – to make something of herself. And now everything was coming together.

    The clocked ticked over to 9AM […]

    • what a relief she finally had a customer.
      I liked the twist.
      Did you mean to use. ‘patiently ‘twice?
      waiting patiently and patiently

    • I’m guessing that when word gets round that you don’t need English to shop there she’ll get more customers! A nice little twist. The thought of the cakes made me hungry!

    • Hi Chloe, A lovely little story. I do hope she ends up being a big success. Her food sounds delicious:) Also a great use of the prompt.

    • I was sad when it seemed like no one showed up. What a relief when a customer appeared. And the ending was great with her being able to speak Spanish to serve him. I think we can hope that things will pick up now. Well done.

    • How disappointing when no one showed up… but glad that someone did. Nice use of the prompt.

    • I loved this! It’s a small world, and I loved how the person that came to enjoy it first was a home spirit. 😀

    • Such a welcoming comment when her first customer didn’t speak English. I was feeling so sorry, and then so happy when he walked in! Good use of the prompt/

  • Chloe Edwards commented on the post, Masks 1 month, 1 week ago

    Very good and heart wrenching story with a good message. I know it’s a short word count but not 100% sure who’s talking at the beginning – I think maybe two healthcare workers?? But truly great story.

  • Hi Priyanka. I enjoyed this and I think the message is very strong. And I agree that this could be a longer story. Not 100% sure what is meant by the last bit ‘she got admitted into tenth grade and moved out.’ but that may just be regional differences. Good job 🙂

  • Sixteen is a lucky number.

    There are sixteen days until my sixteenth birthday. Sixteen of my friends will arrive at 16:16. And I’ll be greeted with sixteen presents. To finish, we’ll eat from my sixteen-layer cak […]

  • Rose straightened her spine. She wasn’t used to fancy clothes or fine wine. She didn’t fit among these prim and proper ladies. But if she wanted to succeed, this was the place to do so.

    “Would you care for a dan […]

    • Chloe – I liked this piece. I’m wondering why she killed the prince. What mission did she have? Also, what is a “calling card knife”?
      I like the alliteration of “fancy and fine” and “prim and proper”
      Good characterization

    • Quite the mystery indeed.
      Looks like she won’t get her answers from him!

      Rose is definitely on a mission!

      Thanks.

    • Hi Chloe, you have me hooked on this one. When you mentioned that she had been around for a century I started imagining a vampire. But she left a knife, so now I am thrown… Or was the knife to cover her tracks as a vampire. She is very cold, calculating and obviously enchanting and beautiful. I would like to know more of this mysterious MC.
      One tiny edit required: But not enough to warm a heart as ice as hers. – as icy as hers
      Well done.

    • Left a calling card knife. Special handle, unusual blade shape, or engraving? If she has done this for a century her exploits must border on legend.

  • Juniper looked at the man blankly. She couldn’t remember his name. But she couldn’t ask again. Last time he got angry.

    “June?” he said. Maybe he’d asked her something.

    “What’s that dear?” Safe answer.

    He too […]

    • I’ve skipped a few days with you, based on the let line I’m interpreting this as an extension of your character in the psych ward planning her escape. With that in mind, I’m imagining she finds her old boyfriend and falls back into old toxic patterns, of sticking it out with an abusive boyfriend. Also, the okay on memory loss is perhaps a survival tactic in this abusive relationship, like “I can’t remember…why don’t you tell me?” I see a lot of potential for longer stories here. 😊

    • I think this certainly fits with a lot of the story thread you had been carrying through the previous pieces;however, it could also stand strongly on its own and be about someone dealing with amnesia or dementia while they are with someone who doesn’t understand.

      I picked up a sense of mystery with the line “Last time he got angry.” which I enjoyed a lot.

    • Hi Chloe, I felt like this was a standalone, but I could be wrong. With dementia in my family, I totally get this. Sadness indeed. Well written.

    • Hmm, makes me think the person is distracted or not concentrating, although my husband is terrible with names as well. That said, if I am introduced to someone new I forget their name within 30 seconds – its a superpower. But I also get the abuse vibe like Hanna mentioned. Interesting. I think you need to write a longer story to see where these characters go. 🙂

  • Hi Priyanka!
    Thanks for all the comments, I really appreciate all the feedback. It was a bit rushed which is probably why it ended up on today’s prompt – I’ve fixed it now. Thanks again!

  • Load More

Chloe Edwards

Profile picture of Chloe Edwards

@chleo_edwards

Active 1 day, 8 hours ago
Short Story : 12
Poetry : 11
WTC : 0
52 Scenes : 0
Dialogue : 0
Flash Fiction : 30