• yesterday
    when closing the door on the night
    I heard it again
    light and imperceptible
    another creak of your sandals
    on the soft velvet
    where we once kissed the sunset
    reflected in the memories
    we would lose one day

    • Hello Charles,
      This is very romantic but ends with sad foreshadowing. I understand that ‘creak’ is faintly foreboding, but would sandals ‘creak’ on soft velvet ? May be there’s a different word – shush, or something (I haven’t thought of) onomatopeic.

    • Wonderful and evocative word choices here, leaving me with a sense of longing and a breaking heart.

  • Hello Karin! Thank you for your kind words. Sure, be my guest and thank you for sharing it!

  • Thank you for your kind words and for stopping by, Chloe!

  • Thank you Becky! I was aiming for a bowl-like figure but it did end up looking more like a funnel, haha.

  • Hello Nina! I’m glad you enjoyed these lines and the poem overall. Thank you for stopping by. Best!

  • put them all here    this bunch of feelings     around the stairs
    we avoid at all costs     each other     spooning the cereal
    again     your coffee forsaken on the counter     steam
    rising through our word […]

    • Ooh. This is a lovely piece of work. There’s nothing about it that I don’t love, including the gut punch and the hollow aftermath.
      Please may I share this on a Facebook poetry page?

    • Hello, I really enjoyed your poem. I think it’s done with expertise and I love the shape of the work. Thanks for sharing 🙂

    • I love the visual of a funnel you created with your words. There’s a storm brewing, or passing by, but you circle around it so artfully. Well done!

    • Wonderful and concrete. Powerful thanks to your imagery and word choices.
      your coffee forsaken on the counter steam
      rising through our words our heat forgotten
      save for lashing out
      And, of course, that closing hope…

    • Hello Charles,
      For some reason the shape of your poem put me in mind of the one that is going the rounds on Facebook at the moment – the Problem of Writing Poems in the Shape of Deciduous Trees by Brian Bilston. Yours is just as good. My (ex)husband used to complain bitterly that I always let my tea go cold. Grounds for separation, clearly. Like the poem very much.

  •              halls
    visiting many halls
    hours later
    I couldn’t think of anything else
    but those halls around me
    oblivious to everything
    but my own feet
    having walked down the gardens
    of king’s college chapel
    rig […]

    • Hi Charles
      If I interpreted this poem right, it is either about somebody dying or somebody leaving. Either way, the emotions comes through effectively and clearly – “tears on the screen” and “sore eyes” work really well to convey the mood.
      I do like the contrasts you’ve used in the moods created, such as “peace of the choir” followed by “impending foreboding.”
      Some of your imagery is really beautiful; I love the words “flakes of an echo.”
      I wasn’t completely sure if you wrote this about a specific artwork or just the concept of being moved by art in Cambridge; but I liked how you seemed to compare the present reality with the past portrayed in art.
      You have managed to create a lovely atmosphere with your words!

    • Part of me craves punctuation in this poem, but part of me sees the lack thereof as reminiscent of the endless halls you reference. It gives the poem a rambling feel and one can get lost in it.

      I’m not sure if a work of art is references here, unless you’re using the buildings on campus as a work of art, and that arguably works.

      I noticed the added spacing in some lines and am curious how the poem was spaced on the original page. I know this site sometimes tweaks format.

      In all, lovely read. I second Riana’s comment about “flakes of an echo.” I love that.

      Thank you for sharing.

    • Hi Charles, I enjoyed your poem. All of your poems are very deep. This one pulls at my heart, I can really empathise with it at the moment, and it really hits home. Well done.

  • Charles_Ryder started taking the course 30 Days of Dialogue 2 months ago

  • Charles_Ryder started taking the course 52 Scenes 2 months ago

  • Charles_Ryder started taking the course 52 Scenes 2 months ago

  • hours
    all those hours you take
    in pulling the thoughts
    of the petals     in my head
    capturing moments
    unfolded by the power
    of the sour passing of the days
    those ungodly hours
    with undying time
    where re […]

    • Hello Charles,
      I must have missed this one on my first trawl through the poems this month. I like your lack of punctuation, which works well. Am trying to ignore the phallic shape of the poem in favour of the words…. There are some fine phrases in this unsettling poem. Thanks for sharing it.

    • Hi Charles, this one came up really late – I just checked back now and saw it. Extremely deep. I am not sure if the shape was intentional or not?
      But the words are so raw and heart wrenching. The topsy turvy nature of love and how the relationship of love and hate can be so close. Someone once told me that you have to feel a lot about someone to hate them – it is a powerful emotion – just like love. Really well done.
      Thanks for sharing.

    • Charles, couldn’t agree more with comments from Christian Donovan and Jane. Lots going on here, lots of deep emotions – hate and love have such a fine line. Right? This relationship absolutely falls apart in your words, nicely done.

  • Hello, dear Hanri. Thank you for your kind words. Long time no read indeed. I have to catch up on the site. I have only been posting the entries—I’m surprised I haven’t missed any month—mostly because my mind is in a daze, and I’ve been dealing with some stuff for the past two months. I’m slowly getting there, I think. This piece is certainly par…[Read more]

  • Thank you for your words, Sue. Much appreciated.

  • Hi Christian. That’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately. Regarding the ‘obliviousness’ word… I think I went along with it because it reflected part of this manipulation where the speaker still wants to… perhaps believe this other person doesn’t realise what s/he’s doing, as if justifying it. Don’t know if that makes sense. You’re…[Read more]

  • Thank you for your kind words, Nina. I’m glad you enjoyed this piece. It was kind of hard to write, and the ‘it hurts repeatedly’ line is a favourite as well. Best!

  • I never see it coming
    when it does     it hurts
    bulldozed into impotence
    anxious much     perplexity
    rising from my previous
    willingness to listen
    it hurts     repeatedly
    its habit-like nature
    already ingraine […]

    • Hi Charles!
      Whoa – this is hard-hitting. Anyone who has been gaslit repeatedly will know exactly where this is going. So clever to shape the poem into a keyhole, that resonates with the line “looking for a door and finding there is none”. My favourite line: “the silent judgment of your obliviousness and my becoming aware” – that’s the first step. The door will appear when it wants to be found.
      Long time no read – great to see you on the site.

      • Hello, dear Hanri. Thank you for your kind words. Long time no read indeed. I have to catch up on the site. I have only been posting the entries—I’m surprised I haven’t missed any month—mostly because my mind is in a daze, and I’ve been dealing with some stuff for the past two months. I’m slowly getting there, I think. This piece is certainly part of all this and the ‘becoming aware’ line is probably the one driving force behind the whole concept of this piece indeed, that first step as you say. Thank you for your support and for taking the time to read this. I’ll get back to you on your pieces as soon as I can, I promise. Husg and best from Mex!

    • This expresses something which is so familiar to so many people – manipulation and nastiness in relationships, covered up in reason. Powerfully expressed.

    • Hello Charles,
      Why do none of us ever walk away in time not to get hurt? Well done with expressing the emotions of love so powerfully and succinctly. I’m not sure about the word ‘obliviousness’- is the lover truly oblivious? Gaslighting rather points to malice aforethought. But certainly your poem gave me plenty to think about.

      • Hi Christian. That’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot lately. Regarding the ‘obliviousness’ word… I think I went along with it because it reflected part of this manipulation where the speaker still wants to… perhaps believe this other person doesn’t realise what s/he’s doing, as if justifying it. Don’t know if that makes sense. You’re right about gaslighting pointing to malice, of course. I think that’s the reason why this piece is so driven by anxiety and confusion, with just a tad of determination at the end. Thank you for stopping by and commenting on my work. I’ve got a lot to catch up on. Best.

    • wonderful rhythm in this poem. many powerful word choices and strong imagery. I love it hurts repeatedly, not sure why, but it struck me perfect. and those last four lines!! nice concrete poem.

      • Thank you for your kind words, Nina. I’m glad you enjoyed this piece. It was kind of hard to write, and the ‘it hurts repeatedly’ line is a favourite as well. Best!

    • Hi Charles, I like the way you set your poem out in the middle of the page and with gaps between some words in the lines. I get the impression that this person is entranced and bewitched by someone who is not at all good for them. I hope that person finds a door/way out, as soon as possible. Well done and thanks for sharing.

  • Thank you for stopping by and for your kind words, Sue. I’m glad it spoke to you this way.

  • Hello Martin,

    I love that description about dampness and stickiness in the past. It does echo some of the state of mind I was in while writing this. Thank you for your kind words, I’m glad you enjoyed it!

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Charles_Ryder

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Active 6 hours, 22 minutes ago
Short Story : 2
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