• Hi Deirdre
    Are you a journalist? Because this piece bears that style, and you certainly seem to connect with the subject matter very well. Your MC and his doings do come across vividly in this piece, but I do agree that some live scenes and dialogue would have been nice and interesting. Thanks for sharing.

  • Matt Bates and Profile picture of ChantelChantel are now friends 1 week, 1 day ago

  • Hi Chantelle
    I barely noticed the extra 500 words. The story is beautiful enough to take attention away from such things. The atmosphere is so tangible, I could see swift and detailed pictures of that house unfold in my mind’s eye, and the character of the mother is executed perfectly, with youth and senility competing against each other within…[Read more]

  • This sentence: “Instead, here she was, sitting in a café with chipped formica tables, a tea urn which had probably been shiny and new some time in the late-1950s, and Madge behind the counter, who’d been in her prime round about the same time” just made me smile. I stopped reading just to take it in better. Your style is incredibly engaging. I fi…[Read more]

  • Thank you so much for such a lovely comment! And I appreciate you taking time to read my story. I am lauded by your high praise. There was so much more I wanted to say about George! But you’re right, even as I wrote I found myself going back to take sentences out because the word limit was filling up so quickly. So I opted to focus on my POV…[Read more]

  • Hi Matt
    Firstly, absolutely charming story. I love the characters and realness you’ve given the monsters, and you communicated the relationship between father and daughter extremely well. I do agree that when you mentioned a ‘woman’ in he photograph rather than ‘mother’, it sort of detaches Lily’s emotion from it and makes it a little confusing,…[Read more]

  • Hi Anthea
    This is such a lovely, warm world, so wonderfully coloured with the characters of each generation. Her great grandmother made me think of one of my great aunts, who hoarded things ‘for her old age’, also a war-propelled habit. Thank you for sharing this. I enjoyed reading it immensely.

  • Hi Sharon
    I love what Becca did to receive some feedback and clarity. I’m not sure I would have been so brave. I’m so pleased that you took the story in such a triumphant direction. This is a thoroughly enjoyable read, and I connected with your MC so well. Great work

  • I loved this so much, Ellen! One of my favourite reads this month. I love all the Hallmark movies at Christmastime and I don’t care what anybody thinks about that. I thoroughly enjoyed this clever, self-aware homage. Excellent take on the prompt. Well done!

  • Please do! I know nothing of the publishing world too, and that part scares me the most about finishing this book. We’ll see, I suppose!

  • I’m glad you enjoyed this story so much. I will say, it never crossed my mind that his grandmother might have hurt him. He just got hurt as all little boys do, playing too rough and being too daring. And if you ever smell ferric chloride, you’ll understand the negative connotations of the smell. I got a little on my hands once and I wanted to…[Read more]

  • Hi Sarah
    I thoroughly enjoyed this story, and your build-up made the ending one of the most satisfying that I’ve read. What I can say is that the dialogue seemed a little stiff. The content was just fine, but it may sound more natural if you use some contractions. I get that the word count may have influenced that. Also, the tone that you’ve used…[Read more]

  • Hi Elaine
    This is such an interesting story. I love how you took this piece of history and put your voice to it. I was quite captivated as I read and happy to have learned something. I do agree with Mark about maybe putting in more conversation and interaction between the characters, but all in all, well done.

  • Hi Athina
    Such a bittersweet story that echoes the experiences of quite a few. I’m glad that you ended the story on a peaceful note for the characters, though I would have loved to know what Carla’s mother had to say to her. I enjoyed this story and found myself really connecting with it. Well done, and thank you for sharing.

  • “Param’s groaned on seeing Ms. Penny” I think that ‘s shouldn’t be there at his name.
    “Lucky for him, someone he knew someone in cybersecurity business, owed him.” I think there are too many ‘someones’ here.
    “If required, we might’ve to apply force,” That ‘might’ve’ should not be contracted in this context. It should read ‘might have’…[Read more]

  • Thank you for taking a chance on my story, even if its not your cup of tea, and thank you for such a lovely comment

  • Thank you so much, Julie-Anne. I so appreciate your lovely comment. I’ so glad you enjoyed this story

  • I like that your main character is less than savoury. It definitely makes for a more interesting read in this genre. I enjoyed witnessing his thought processes and his brand of manipulation. Thanks for sharing.

  • Wow Amrita, I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed this story, part of a longer story or not. It works on its own, and I appreciate that most. I feel such satisfaction for Param, in how he decided to handle life. That bullying part in the beginning made him 100% sympathetic and put me on his side, however shady his dealings are. I picked up a few…[Read more]

  • Hi Peggy
    I’m always intrigued by the French Resistance and the stories that revolve around it. I love this little piece of fiction dedicated to it. It is such a vast and complex piece of history, that to do it justice in a short story is difficult. I like how you handled it, however, focussing on character rather than event, and allowing that…[Read more]

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Chantel

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active 1 day, 14 hours ago