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  • This isn’t much more than filler. I’m playing with structure and character still too. This does feel like more of a placeholder for me, but I struggled to get a scene out this week. Hopefully next week will go bet […]

  • Hi Kali. The lore presented in this scene is very interesting, and its presentation is so compelling. The interactions in this scene are dynamic, dropping exposition in quite a gripping, well-paced manner. Besides the repetition here and there, it reads quickly, in the sense that the reader doesn’t want to stop reading. I really love this lay…[Read more]

  • Thank you so much, John! I will definitely do that if it’ll help you 😊

  • Hi Patty
    I’m grateful for this more hopeful scene. I’m glad Christine caught Sheila before she did something stupid with her marriage, and I’m glad for Christine’s win. Interesting seeds you’re planting with Sasha here. I’m excited to see what you decide about her. One note, it could be very easy to make Daria look too perfect. I understand…[Read more]

  • Hi Nina
    Of all you’ve given us this week, my favourite thing is that transition scene with Dorothea, and specifically her thinking how she once wanted Annie’s kind of freedom. She is such a compelling character for me. As always, the damp, taught atmosphere wafts through wonderfully throughout. I’m glad Annie finally announced her baby, even just…[Read more]

  • Hi Karina
    I can’t help but get the impression that Moody isn’t taking herself and her struggles all that seriously, just in a comparative sense. The time she uses to call a therapist are the dregs of her day, and she’s still belligerent when she talks to them. It’s an interesting side to her character and I like that you’ve included it.…[Read more]

  • Hi JohnI’m glad for a scene that reaches to the broader parts of the world you’re building, and the revelation about Martin is an awesome addition! The mistakes in this scene are little silly ones that aren’t like you. One to mention here is not putting commas before ‘but’ in a few instances. The movement of this scene is very well-writ…[Read more]

  • Olivia Harris was… beautiful. Magdalene often had to remind herself to stop staring, but the woman was a hope she couldn’t look away from. Olivia was in her mid-sixties – if she were a couple of years older than […]

    • Hi Chantel,
      You did a fantastic job to introduce Olivia. I love the way you describe the space between the characters, their relations, and feelings towards each other. You have an eye for detail and a talent to elevate it.
      The list of characters has grow significantly. Do you perhaps have a character chart? I think it would help a lot if it were at the top of every scene.
      Once again, great scene!

    • her eyes the warmest browns of chocolate and firewood. What a line! Wowza what an ending. What a swirling scene. I agree with John about a character chart (I need one too for my story). So much atmosphere and wonderful rolling inner monologue.

    • Great scene. Olivia is such a strong character, and it brings hope to story that she is affected – and yet not confused or lost – surviving/thriving with the help of her husband (I assume) and son.

      I liked this: “… not giving her husband a chance to speak while the untamed corners of his emotion had him in its throes.” and the difference in the behaviour of Fliss’ parents is well described.

      I had to check my notes to remember who Ralph is – but enjoyed getting inside his head. It appears he’s not as far gone as everyone thinks. This scene has lots of insights into their affliction. Great work. Look forward to reading more.

    • You have a knack of creating such lovely and unusual descriptions of your characters and the effects their emotions have on them. Your word imagery is like reading a beautiful poem. Great job!

  • Thank you so much, Kali!

  • Thank you so much, Nina. And thanks for pointing out the typo. I have fixed it. I appreciate your time and comments so very much, and I’m grateful too that you’re staying with my story xxx

  • Thank you so much, Karina. I’m glad this scene worked for you. This is how I write – present questions and keep some things vague for a while, then give answers later in the story. I really appreciate your comments and observations.

  • Thank you, John. Your kind words and encouragement always mean so much 😊

  • I think a good idea would be to give some context for Ben’s perceptions. Before you bring the politics into it more fully, show us why Ben feels the way he does. What were the moments that shaped his perceptions? Bringing it all back to character will help it not feel like an agenda is being pushed. I hope that’s coherent enough to make sense, haha.

  • Hi KaliI’m sorry I didn’t know about this layer to the story before reading all the previous scenes. I would have read them completely differently, assuming this is something you’ve introduced before. Your third-person perspective writing is quite captivating. You seem more comfortable with it. I’m sorry if I’m wrong, that’s just how it comes ac…[Read more]

  • Hi Patty
    I’m glad you’ve chosen to follow Michelle as well. I’m also glad that Reynolds has warmed to Christine, though I do agree with Graham. Letting Christine say or do something earlier that seals Reynolds belief in her would just add that little layer to ground it completely. We’re at a point now where everyone’s true character is going to…[Read more]

  • I take my hat off to you, Patty. And I’m so glad to be of any kind of help xxx

  • Hi Nina
    I agree with Graham, that Annie seems so out of place among her family. I suppose it’s a kind of mirror of Lucy and her family when she was a kid. As frustrating as it is, I completely understand Annie’s apprehension to talk, and I understand even more her reluctance to engage with her family. The sadness underlying the moment of joy in…[Read more]

  • Hi Anne
    How you have me wondering with poor Macey Kate! haha. You’ve spun such splendid intrigue in an easy-reading story. This is one of those books that I could probably finish in one sitting. When I say I can’t wait for next week, I really mean it. Your characters are three-dimensional, and you don’t pound on one side of the picture. I…[Read more]

  • Hi Karina
    I really am enjoying the characters you’re bringing forth and seeing how Moody and Jack each interact with them. This is a lovely display of Jack’s character. He’ s one of your most endearing characters, in fact. This scene seemed to pull Moody out of her own head a little bit, which is good. It reminds the reader that there’s a world…[Read more]

  • Hi JohnYour consistency with Ben’s character is excellent. It really does take skill and careful forethought to do that, especially with how subtly you weave the clues in your prose. Don’t sell yourself short on how well you choose your words and bring across description. There are so many gems every week. As I said before, tread carefully bri…[Read more]

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Chantel

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@chantelily

Active 4 hours, 22 minutes ago
Short Story : 5
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52 Scenes 2022 : 21
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Flash Fiction 2022s : 0
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Show, don't Tell June 2022's : 0