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  • I truly think the experimentation worked for you. I felt exactly the same this month, struggling and sort of wanting to just leave it for the month. I’m not sorry I put something up though, but it took more from me than it should have and the effort didn’t produce something I’m happy with. I completely understand your space, but you’ve probably…[Read more]

  • Hi Charles
    As usual, another thoroughly entertaining read. I always look forward to your stories. I love the way you let this unfold, and the glimpses you give us of the killer’s escapades. They were all so vibrant and vivid, like they played out on a screen. Well done

  • Hi Jane
    You certainly answered all the questions you left me with last month. Again, I so enjoyed this and I can’t wait for the next one! xxx

  • Hi Ana
    I truly think that this is some of your best work, especially in terms of style. It’s such a beautiful read, regardless of the subject matter. And the story itself is certainly a captivating one. Well done on this one xxx

  • Buried Treasure by Chantel Barton

    #

    It rose ahead like one of those old, crooked mansions that were haunted by hungry old ladies and headless old men. Druid’s Park.

    “Come on, Drew!” Donnie yelled, his ten-y […]

    • Linda replied 3 weeks ago

      Chantel, I enjoyed reading your story. You did a great job building up the suspense in the story. I’m a little confused by the ending, as you even admitted the ending needs more work. I think it just needs more rewriting, not so late at night (LOL), to pull it all together to be more coherent. Otherwise the story idea is good!

    • Jane replied 3 weeks ago

      Hi Chantel.
      As usual I loved your story:) Your speech is so natural and easy to read, it just flows. I loved the descriptions of the boys. I could imagine I was there and their fear (apart from Donnie) was palpable.
      I think the ending is nice, kind of rounds the story out. Glad to know that his grand dad is not crazy. Not quite sure how he will prove it though as there is no real treasure to show.

      You had some great descriptions this was one of my favourites:
      – nor did that grass-burn inducing stomach crawl through the hole in the mesh fence.

      A few very small edits:

      The only sound the door made, however, was a gentle creek. – need to change to creak – this one is the water type:)

      “Right” said Colin. “let’s get this over with. Where do we did?”- dig

      Behind the figure, a dark, shaggy, cow-sized shaped emerged. – shape

      If I have to be a drifter, I’ll rather do it comfortable.” – I’d

      Well done and thanks for sharing:)

    • Hey Chantel,
      you did again a great job at building up the tension. It reminded me at some points to The Goonies or Stand By Me. Some bits I found too over-explanatory (“his ten-year-old legs”; “It’s the middle of the night, and we’re sneaking into Druid’s Park to dig for the treasure…”), but like trying not to be, if you know what I mean. Semi-indirect, but not completely. I’d rather prefer if you’re direct (“he was ten” ”They sneaked into the park…”), but that’s just me. I hope my comment doesn’t bother you 🙁 I’m not the best critic anyways. I thought the ending only needs a wee touch to be great.

    • I liked this story alot. There were a few typos that Jane pointed out already. Here is another:

      “Shut up, Drew” Colin whispered. Donnie looked at them,

      I think “them” should be replaced with him.

      I really think this story deserves a little more attention (editing) and definitely a sequel. You have crafted a fun tale about kids and their adventures – that I found enjoyable to read. 👍

    • Hello!
      I love reading ghost and spooky stories during this time of the year. I like the build up with your characters. I would be the scardy cat one- lol. Sure there are some touch ups, but I still enjoyed it! The first sentence was my favorite line, (it jumps right into the story) but after this line, it became my favorite. “As the tip touched the soil, a thunderous roar shook in their ears. ” Boom! That was creepy. Loved it!

  • Thank you so much, Del. I’ll definitely think about a longer piece for this story. I’m so glad you had fun with it, and I’m really glad that you understand the difference between envy and jealousy, haha. I was very particular about that with this piece. I so appreciate your time and feedback.

  • Thank you so much, Maruschka. Yes, you’re right about the comma. It’s more a matter of a late night than remembering anything, haha. I’m surprised you didn’t pick up the typo in that very sentence too. Also, beeline is correct, and b-line is too. B-line is just more informal. No particular reason for me using it, other than it’s the first thing I…[Read more]

  • Thank you so much, Sandy. I’m glad you enjoyed it, and I so appreciate your feedback

  • Hi Sandy
    I love the banter between the two friends in this story. It’s really what carried the story for me. The jealousy element seemed a bit unfocussed to me. I wasn’t really sure where you intended it to land. Was it Thelma, jealous of Mrs Abbott? Or was it Mrs Abbott jealous of Julia’s garden? Or both? That element just seemed a little bit…[Read more]

  • Hi Dannie
    I really like your take on the prompt. You subverted expectations so well, your MC being jealous of her past self rather than the skinnier people she has to be around every day. It’s indicative of maturity in your character and helps develop her in the story. Good job

  • Thank you so much, Jeff. I’m really happy you had fun with this read.

  • Thank you so much, Seyi. Your comments are always so uplifting for me. Thank you for giving me your time and insight. I appreciate it so much. Stay well, Chantel.

  • Hi Seyi
    This story is so nuanced in terms it’s characters and atmosphere. It’s a completely immersive read, and the authenticity I’ve come to know from you comes out beautifully. I love the idea of bacteria on the notes. The possible ripple effect is intriguing to think about. Well done

  • Hi Tom
    I really like the way this story completely unfolded through the eyes of your main character, and that you allow the reader to glean from context. It’s a good story about assumptions, and how jealousy is often a wasted state if mind, as the ones we envy always have a side that no one would ever envy. Good job

  • Hi Renee
    This story is so entertaining. Your main character is an engaging one, and you portray his years-old resentment so well. Well done, and thank you for sharing

  • I absolutely love this piece, and you used the prompt so well. You did such a great job at subverting expectations, and leaving the reader with their imagination going crazy. Very well done

  • Hi Sharon
    This is such a beautiful story. You really thrust the reader into this world, making your characters so natural, and even relatable. I would have reacted the same way on that airplane if someone wanted to chat to me and I just wanted some quiet time. The way you convey the prompt is quite subtle, but in a good way. Well done

  • Hi Taryn
    I really enjoyed this story. You’ve rounded out the two main characters so well, and I like how the ‘jealousy’ aspect comes through from context. It works, and sometimes being too blatant can hurt a story. I think you pulled this off very well. Well done, and thank you for sharing.

  • Hi Trace
    I admire the message you communicate in this piece, about how a father can make or break your identity. I’m glad your MC learned better in the end. I will say, this did feel like two different stories in one.The beginning took us down one path, and then you took a left turn by shifting the focus from her relationship with her friend and…[Read more]

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Chantel

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@chantelily

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