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  • Face by Hyle Post
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    He stopped in front of the oak door with the sign ‘Henrietta’s Face’ proudly engraved into the wood. The display behind the glass held a single mannequin, marble skin polished to a shine, dress […]

    • Weirdly interesting. Well done. I was a little unsure in the beginning, but then it all made sense. Hope there is more to the story

    • Jes replied 2 months ago

      Hello.
      Interesting read. I like the different customers and how the MC was shopping for his face. Your story is a fun twist on this month’s prompt. I like how you wrote this line, ” He couldn’t tell if the shopkeeper smiled or scowled, only a mask of a peacock stared back at the boy. ” I think I like it well because the MC couldn’t tell if he was smiling or not. 🙂

    • Hey Hyle, this was very atmospheric and visual. It pulled one along nicely. Is it part of a larger story? It feels like it is. I would love to have known what mask the boy ended up buying. Thanks for sharing.

    • Now that was eerie…. The face scared the heck outa me! Your work is great but this one may not be my favorite. I always expect more from you because you’re such an amazing writer.

      I do agree with some of the readers that this could be a larger piece for sure. The buildup would make for a great spine-tingler.

      None the less, I did enjoy your tiny tale Hyle. Great job with the prompt.

    • This is lovely. Your descriptions were so detailed, I totally saw it all. And you captured exactly how a mask will affect its wearer, changing posture and movement and energy. I love that the boy wanted the ornate mask and that he got the peacock, well on his way to being who he might be. Kudos.

    • Hi Hyle,
      That was intriguing! It felt like a part of a larger story. I can feel some sort of power that emanated from these masks. Or, maybe the boy’s face was disfigured so he wanted to buy the mask – so he isn’t judged? Lots of questions. But I love your descriptions which bring alive your vivid imagination. Very well-written! Thank you for sharing!

  • Hi Deryn!
    I’m glad you like my version of the Devil. I always imagined he would have a bit of all of us in him. lol The whole story was fun to write. Take care and thank you for reading my story!
    Hyle

  • Hi Seyi!
    Fantastic piece this month. Particularly liked how you showed people aren’t who we expect them to be and everyone is susceptible to corruption. I wonder if he will have a change of heart after talking with the Minister?
    Lovely job!
    Hyle

  • Hi Kiri!
    This is an interesting piece! I like the idea of some kind of resistance against the government and a young woman excited about the prospect of rebelling, even if she probably doesn’t understand it completely.
    A few things: I would have loved more detail about what was talked about. What were they planning? Why were they against the…[Read more]

  • Hey Seyi!
    I’m glad you stopped by to read my story and that you liked it! It was a lot of fun to write.
    Take care!
    Hyle

  • Hi Kiri!
    Yes, I figured the Devil had to be someone deceitful enough to fool most people but with a Hellish aura.
    I’m glad you like my story!
    Hyle

  • Hi James!
    I thought I would come by and read your story and I’m glad I did! Love the whole setup in this piece.

    Slight things I caught:
    The word ‘click is used three times. It was one of those things that I caught while reading out loud.
    ‘Click! She was in’
    ‘She clicked on the light ‘
    ‘and clicked it open’
    (I don’t know if it’s worth…[Read more]

  • Hi Maria!
    This was a wild ride in 750 words! You always amaze me with what you come up with!
    ‘Aaron wiped fresh blood off the blade with his tattered sleeve.’ <—Love, love, love this hook. I immediately want to know what's going on!
    'bones that cracked and ached then filled both lungs with fresh spring air.' Probably my favorite…[Read more]

  • Hi James!
    You don’t know how big I smiled when I saw I had constructive feedback.
    In response to the errors/suggestions, I agree with most of these.
    1. I agree with the comma after farm (I tend to miss those!)
    2. I caught the repeated word (swing) after I submitted and was mentally kicking myself. lol so I will def be changing that.
    3. It…[Read more]

  • Hi Maria!
    It’s always nice to see your comment!
    I loved the idea of a little girl getting the best of the Devil. Glad you liked it. I’ll pop on over to your story here soon!
    Thanks again!
    Hyle

  • Hello David!
    Thought I would pop in and take a look at your story for April and I’m glad I did!
    This did lead me to smiling and giggling. I can see this entire scene happening in a music video and it cracks me up. The thought of the Cowboys, police, and the Irish all battling through dance is too clever and funny.
    One of my favorite lines:…[Read more]

  • Hello David!
    I’m glad you liked my little story and that the messages were clearly received. It was a fun piece to come up with.
    Thanks for reading!
    Hyle

  • Hi Kim!
    What an interesting interaction between these two characters! (Love the names, by the way.) The whole setting felt medieval/fantasy and the characters are so entertaining. You’ve created an interesting set up and I am looking forward to the next installment.
    Thanks for sharing!
    Hyle

  • Hi Amrita!
    This was chilling and heartbreaking all at once! The emotional pain Arendal went through because Maya was marrying a man (and a terrible one at that!) was so sad!
    Your descriptions are always so lovely and the characters you’ve created have me completely enthralled.
    Thank you for sharing your story!! I hope you are well!
    Hyle

  • Hi Kim!
    That’s very nice of you! Ava is a smart girl and she might be able to outwit the Devil! Thanks for reading!

  • Hi Amrita!
    I hope you’re doing well! I’m glad you love Ava. I’d like to think she would find a way to beat the Devil if I made this story into a full novel. I can see her doing it.
    Thank you so much for reading!

  • Hi Jes!
    I absolutely love this! It’s chilling and I read so fast, I was trying to figure out why Grandma was acting the way she was and what would happen to the teenager writing down the events.
    I also want to say how much I enjoy a story with journal entries. They’re one of my favorite methods of story telling, because of the way the reader…[Read more]

  • Hey Jes!
    I always look forward to your comments! I always believed children are harder to corrupt than adults, which is why they are so innocent. Which got me to thinking how the Devil would interact with a child. Thanks for reading!
    Hyle

  • The Devil isn’t as scary as Mama says he is. At least not when I see him every Friday on the side of the road. Daddy says I have to look sharp on my way to Papa’s farm, and don’t talk to no one who don’t know my […]

    • Hey Hyle! I loved this story- like always 🙂 Your story is cute and innocent with a hint of mischievous. I liked how you described the Devil. It makes you wanna trust him, but of course we know not too. I really liked this line:

      “It makes me want to smile but I think it’s a sin to smile at the Devil.”
      Very cleaver and sometimes true! 🙂

      • Hey Jes!
        I always look forward to your comments! I always believed children are harder to corrupt than adults, which is why they are so innocent. Which got me to thinking how the Devil would interact with a child. Thanks for reading!
        Hyle

    • Wow! Hyle, this was such an engrossing read! I was hooked in right at the start. I loved your description of the devil. You have sketched a whole new personality for him. I loved Ava too. She was just adorable! I hope she can outwit the devil in some way in future. I can smell a series here. Don’t know what you have planned, but maybe you could expand this into a series. Great story! Thank you for sharing!

      • Hi Amrita!
        I hope you’re doing well! I’m glad you love Ava. I’d like to think she would find a way to beat the Devil if I made this story into a full novel. I can see her doing it.
        Thank you so much for reading!

    • ditto on the compliments – this was so good!
      loved the storytelling quality of this, I could just about hear the girl responding in a sing-song voice.

      delightful!

    • Okay, I was fully hooked when I came to “But the Devil knew my name from the first day I met him.”

      The devil is nicely and freshly portrayed. His changing colours suggest he is all of us. Ava’s innocent goodness rules the day but this isn’t the first time she has taken the lemonade and the Devil indicates it won’t be the last.

      I love the dusty farm setting and the symbolism of the crossroads!

      Great writing!

      • Hello David!
        I’m glad you liked my little story and that the messages were clearly received. It was a fun piece to come up with.
        Thanks for reading!
        Hyle

    • OUTSTANDING! This is by far the best story I have read in a while on this site! Wow, Hyle you are becoming he most amazing writer! I adore what you have done with this prompt!

      Your biggest fan!
      Maria

      • Hi Maria!
        It’s always nice to see your comment!
        I loved the idea of a little girl getting the best of the Devil. Glad you liked it. I’ll pop on over to your story here soon!
        Thanks again!
        Hyle

    • I very much enjoyed reading this, and the devil was described in just enough unique detail to make them a fascinating character. Interesting from beginning to end. A job well done.

      I’ll point out a few areas to consider making alterations. None of which are ‘wrong’, but it might further polish what is already a dazzling story.

      Daddy says I have to look sharp on my way to Papa’s farm and don’t talk to no one who don’t know my name. I’d put a comma after ‘farm’ as there is a definite pause there.

      I get to eat cookies and swing on Granny’s porch swing before super. I’d consider a different word to the first use of ‘swing’, so it isn’t a repeated word. Play, sit, ride… not sure, but worth considering.

      Pulling on my braids and pinching my arms, make fun of me when I start to cry. Should ‘make’ be ‘making’? Because you have pulling and pinching.

      When they have their fun, they leave me behind to walk the rest of the way by myself. I’d consider, when they’ve had their fun…

      My legs ache and the teasing laughter of my siblings echo an acre ahead of me by the time I make it to the familiar crossroads. I’d consider breaking the sentence here, as there is additional information in the middle, and it might read better with the use of two commas… My legs ache, and the teasing laughter of my siblings echo an acre ahead of me, by the time I make it to the familiar crossroads. Or at least the first comma if not the second.

      A bright yellow slice of lemon falls with the stream and he hands me the full glass, liquid trickling down the side. I’d consider a comma after the word stream, or changing the word and (after the word stream) to ‘as’ instead.

      I know in my heart I will never make a deal with the fallen angel but he sure makes good lemonade. Again, there’s another definite pause after the word ‘angel’, so i’d add a comma there.

      Those are the small areas I’d look at, but don’t take it as any kind of criticism. I only analyse the small things with stories I particularly enjoy, and your was very impressive. Excellent work. Thanks for sharing.

      Best,

      James

      • Hi James!
        You don’t know how big I smiled when I saw I had constructive feedback.
        In response to the errors/suggestions, I agree with most of these.
        1. I agree with the comma after farm (I tend to miss those!)
        2. I caught the repeated word (swing) after I submitted and was mentally kicking myself. lol so I will def be changing that.
        3. It should have been ‘making fun of me.’ Another error I caught after I submitted
        4. Now this one I’m not sure I agree with. I tend to struggle with present and past tense, so would it be correct to change it to ‘when they’ve had their fun,’ when I purposely tried to write it in present tense? I’ll think on this one a bit.
        5. This was a good catch and I like the suggestion.
        6. Another missed comma! Ahh
        7. And another!
        Thank you so much. You don’t know how much I appreciate this! And I’m glad you enjoyed the story as well.
        Hyle

    • This was absolutely fantastic! I loved it from the beginning to the end. I could hear the little girl’s voice in my head. I love the way you portrayed the Devil. You kind of wanted to love him but there was also that underlying feeling that you couldn’t trust him.

      • Hi Kiri!
        Yes, I figured the Devil had to be someone deceitful enough to fool most people but with a Hellish aura.
        I’m glad you like my story!
        Hyle

    • Hey Hyle and how goes it? I can’t add much to all the compliments you’ve received except to state that I agree with every one of them. Thanks for a different premise, great composition, wonderful writing. Very best regards, Seyi

    • Dear Hyle, this was a great image of that dusty , hot place, with some rich description of clothes, tastes and sensations that helped me picture Ava and the Devil’s meeting. Even if she says she wouldn’t be able to describe him if asked to, you kind of create a picture in your m ind of a chameleon character in dungarees! And I love his ‘ poppet’ term of endearment. Well done

      • Hi Deryn!
        I’m glad you like my version of the Devil. I always imagined he would have a bit of all of us in him. lol The whole story was fun to write. Take care and thank you for reading my story!
        Hyle

    • Hi Hyle,
      This was an imaginative story and I loved the setting. I found myself wondering whether this girl has something in her makeup which made her possibly more susceptible to the Devil’s charms? I wanted to know why the Devil chose her. Also, what the Devil knows about being able to come back to her in the future. I enjoyed the description of the Devil with the rapidly changing color which made it difficult for the little girl to describe him.
      I found the use of the word, “sibling” a little jarring when the MC used it. You set us up in the first two paragraphs with an MC who is young and doesn’t use sophisticated language. Then you have a “country-ish” setting. But when the little girl used the word “sibling” it seemed sort of scientific and technical. Why not “sisters”, or if Jesssie is a boy, “sister and brother”?
      When the devil uses the term, he is an adult trying to impress her, so it makes sense. From the third paragraph, the tone changes and it feels a little more like an adult looking back rather than a child telling the story in the present. But these are very small criticisms in a fantastic, mischievous story! Fun read!

  • Hi Seyi!
    Thank you so much for reading! I’m glad you enjoyed my little snippet. It shows my dislike for how fast time can go, can you tell?
    Thanks again!

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Hyle Bathurst

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active 1 month, 2 weeks ago