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  • Shelly sat there waiting for her turn in the waiting room. It was a rather busy waiting room with different ages all sitting there talking to one another about how excited they were to be there. As for Shelly well […]

    • This is a heartwarming story. You make the MC conflicts and motivations believable. Thank you for sharing!

    • Hi Claire
      Looks like we have interpreted the prompt the same way, though the stories are completely different.
      The last sentence fits the story for the next prompt as well.
      Well done and thank you for sharing.

  • I walked into the bookshop on a Friday evening straight after school. It was my first payslip after working very hard for the last month as a waiter in a restaurant. I loved the job as it was a small restaurant […]

  • “Make it stop, please. I’m begging them. Make it stop,’ came a cry from a young woman who had heard the guns for the fourth night. At first she thought she was having a nightmare but when she woke up, she reali […]

    • Your fiction story portrayed the real situation. Story is clearly visible. Painful story of Zoya was nicely plotted. Loss of husband by coronavirus, bombarding, compelled to leave home at night, traffic jam, support of soldier to get them in to safe land others country. I was wondering is soldier able to help their citizen to do like that. Meeting with India was interesting. Thank you for each para of story.

    • Your story mirrored the reality of the horror that is happening now in Ukraine.
      You covered so many things very well, from the time Zora and her daughter were in their home and packing to leave on short notice, through the escape attempt in their car, the aid of the soldier to get them to the underground stations and then to relative safety in a nearby country. Vividly portraying what we are seeing on the news every night, but adding a human touch. Her husband having died of coronavirus added another tragic layer to this story. There were some words misspelled and a few errors in things like tense, but had this been written in the first person, it would have seemed as though it was the way it was spoken. Thank you for a sad, but well written story.

  • The boots sat there all muddy in the sink. It was one of them jobs that had to be done. I would be standing there scrubbing the dirt from the boots for 15 minutes letting my clean sink get all dirty.

    As much as I […]

    • Lovely story. I’m glad for Chloe. I don’t have mucht to suggest. There are only small things which I am sure you will pick up on a re-write. Very heartwarming. Oh, the only thing I think the reader might want clarity on is why the girls were crying after the tournament.

    • Beautiful story. You’ve painted a lovely picture of a young girl turning young woman making her dreams come tree. A few typos that a re-write would fix. Well done.

  • Thank you for the comments. I was at work doing art when this prompt came up and it was a good story to write.

  • It sat there in a glass cabinet. All shiny and sparkling as it turn around on a turntable. It was beautifully decorated in gold other bright colours.

    Just by looking at it, your eyes were in transfixed as you […]

  • “Snow is falling all around me, children laughing, having fun” goes the song on the radio. It’s not even December but the Christmas tunes have begun. I can’t believe it’s that time of year already. It seemed on […]

    • Hi Claire– this is a true slice of life story, isn’t it? Sadly so. But you did a wonderful job telling it in first person. I did get a bit confused with the last few paragraphs when it switched to third person — I’m not sure if that was intentional?

    • Pleasant read and sad, too. Catches the spirit of these pandemic times. As with Patty, the switch in point of view confused me a bit, but the piece as a whole shows the impact of the pandemic on family, especially those who are more isolated.

      Thank you for sharing.

  • Thank you for al the comments so far. As stated above I had totally forgotten about this month and it was rather done very quickly, in fact on deadline day. I’m aware editting needs doing. Now I’ve got computer back (lost everything) I can do one better for the last month of 2021.

  • The soldier stood routed to the spot on guard to a secret place where no-one would ever find.

    He knew that the evil enemies would try to pass him to get inside the secret place.  Only the soldier knew what was […]

    • I almost knew it was a kid with toys! Very funny take on the prompt. Of course, could have used a lot of editing.

    • Very funny! I love the way you lead the reader along by the nose till the last paragraph. (Check for typos – unless of course they are meant to be there because the kid is telling the story!)

    • An engaging story that has a fun premise but I was confused by the changes in tense and voice and I think it could be much clearer with some judicious editing.

      Thanks for sharing.

    • Thank you for al the comments so far. As stated above I had totally forgotten about this month and it was rather done very quickly, in fact on deadline day. I’m aware editting needs doing. Now I’ve got computer back (lost everything) I can do one better for the last month of 2021.

  • I’m sitting high up as far as the rows will take me. It feels like I’m heading towards heaven but not yet knocking on their gates.

    And would you believe it, that’s the music that is blaring around the quiet stadi […]

    • Very descriptive passages – your vivid descriptions drew me in. I could smell and hear the game – and taste the chips! Well done.

    • Hi Claire,
      I love the description, very good picture building. Punctuation needs a little work but a very good feel to your writing.

    • Strong description and sense of voice. The character is painted clearly. This feels like exposition for a larger piece: I get a sense of character but not as much a sense of story/plot. Definitely material to work with here, though, should you choose. Thank you for sharing.

  • Sarah sat by the computer in her office at home. She was continuing with her research of her family tree. A friend told her to do this as it took you places you never knew about your family.

    Sarah’s family as i […]

    • Very nice – story all tied up at the end with the family tree. I love the gifting of the writing desk and typewriter. Needs a little editing – no biggie. All perfectly clear. This could be a much expanded and extended piece. Well done.

    • Lovely story – as the previous reader said it does need a little work still but nice story with a good ending. Well done

    • Thank you for sharing your story with us, Claire. It is a great piece with a lot of scope. As Ellen and Steve said the story needs a bit of editing, and I agree. You know you have the characters, a theme, a plot, and a motive and everything going well. The ending is perfect. Congratulations.

      In terms of editing, please make the sentences shorter. Do break the paragraphs. Read the story again and see if each sentence at least makes sense as a sentence. Let me know if you rework this and need someone to read the story again.

      Thank you.

  • Claire started taking the course 30 Days of Dialogue 9 months, 1 week ago

  • Claire started taking the course 52 Scenes 9 months, 1 week ago

  • Jenny longed to go away on an adventure. She needed it. She was exhausted after working what felt like four years of war. There were no bombs or soldiers seriously wounded being brought into hospital. Instead, […]

    • Claire, This is such a lovely story about compassion and supporting one another. We don’t often think of the trauma nurses go through on a daily basis. Thank you for sharing.

    • Claire, I too got more into gardening with more working from home during COVID and had some of the same starter struggles, choices on what to grow, all that. I feel like gardening helped to heal some of the damage wreaked on her soul from COVID and maybe being successful in gardening the first time could be more connected to her healing. Just a thought. Lovely story.

  • The hotel room 113 was smelly, dark and spooky. It was a place no one liked to be in.

    The Johnstone family really needed a break after a horrendous year. There was trouble with one of their children as they […]

  • The judge looked at the two defendants sitting at the dock with a confusing face before turning his focus on the witness that had come through the door and was walking towards the stand.

    A man who was very tall […]

    • Wow .Interesting read. Funny way to ex[plain the lock down consequences on people way of living. Tough times call for tough measuares.
      Thanks a lot.
      by Gokatwemang Sololo

    • Very innovative storyline! The pandemic has been hard on everyone. People want to have their daily lives back, no matter the cost, as evidenced by the efforts of the two dim witted pub crawlers!

  • Thanks for sharing this short story. It’s sad that women at any age have to be careful with their drinks on a night out because you just don’t know who can put what into them.

    Great flow and great read.

  • Very good story. Really enjoyed it. Tha ks for sharing.

  • Claire wrote a new post, Angry by claire 1 year ago

    Angry by claire

    #

    I am so angry.

    In fact, I’m so angry that I cannot describe how I am feeling right now!

    I’m sitting at home thinking about what has happened and how it should have been dealt with, in my opi […]

    • Workplace politics! Good Luck!

    • Looks like part of something bigger, not like a complete short story. Well written.

    • Hi Claire, I was really impressed with your style of writing because it gives such a clear and strong picture of the protagonist and her attitude. I agree that it could also be part of a bigger story, but I think it works on its own as well!

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Claire

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@burclaire21

Active 5 days, 5 hours ago
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