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  • I love your image of nature, and nature’s way of always coming back. I also love the irony of the poem that, although the man tried to kill it, it survived, and outlived the man.
    But, the man is only adapting to a new state himself. The beauty of nature! Thank you for this poem ๐Ÿ™‚

  • What a fun poem! A great depiction of the challenge of being a woman during the pandemic. Even before, we have been expected to be so many different things in our lives, now it is even more challenging.
    You manage to bring humor into it as well. “Dressed from the waist up”, “You are on mute”
    I can see the seriousness of these lines, but also…[Read more]

  • Hi Chantelle. I really loved this poem. The swallow is one of my favorite birds ๐Ÿ™‚
    I have to admit it took me another read through to fully grasp it, but once I did, I was able to see connection to adaptation and the beauty of a swallow’s journey, no matter where she is.
    Beautiful poem!

  • Such beautiful imagery. I love the connection to life and nature’s adaptability. The way nature will adapt and push through under the most challenging circumstances. Love it!

  • I really liked the way you told this story. There are a lot of twists and turns, and yes, I agree at first there are a lot of questions, but it all falls together at the end. Great way to tell a mystery ๐Ÿ™‚
    I also really like all of the characters. They seem to jump off the page.

  • I really enjoyed this story! I’ve read maybe one or two other installments of this story from you, but I agree that this piece stands on its own very well. I love your exploration of the magic in this world. The character of Timothy comes out in his use of magic, and it’s fun to explore all the different ways he uses it. Definitely makes me want…[Read more]

  • Thank you Christian. How lucky of you to see that in Oman! I’m glad the poem resonated with you ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Thank you Chantelle. I appreciate the suggestions that you gave. Yes, I think I could bring in connecting imagery. I agree that language sharpens the more that you rewrite.

  • Thank you Juanita! I love this example you gave. If we make change, we can help the world heal ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Thank you, Wanda! Yes, nature is resilient. We can also do our part.

  • Thank you, Linda! yes that is the message I planned to get across ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Thanks, Becky! I appreciate the feedback, and yes, that second “uncontrollably” is unnecessary. Glad you are enjoying the story ๐Ÿ™‚

  • I heard about a place

    Where raccoons got smarter

    They were breaking into dumpsters

    So the humans created special locking tops

    That would only open

    At the angle garbage trucks tip them

    To collect the […]

    • Your lovely poem shows how we must adapt to live in harmony.

    • Hi, Renee
      I loved your story of nature and adapting. Thanks for sharing.
      Best to you,
      Wanda Lovan

    • Such a thoughtful poem of how things could be! Maybe we don’t have to destroy Eden! Maybe there is a way out! I lived next to Lead Creek in Idaho, so contaminated and poisoned by mine tailings that no plants grew along its banks. Years later, I visited and the stream ran clear and clean — legislation led to successful cleaning up the mine pollution.

      • Thank you Juanita! I love this example you gave. If we make change, we can help the world heal ๐Ÿ™‚

    • This is very interesting, Renee. I like the factual side of your poem and it made me want to keep reading to see what else I can learn ๐Ÿ™‚ It does read like a first draft, but a very good one. Thereโ€™s so much potential here. Suggestions from my side would be to see if you can join the different topics together with connecting imagery. I think thereโ€™s also room to sharpen the word choices and language, but if youโ€™re like me, this is something that happens naturally with several rewrites! I think itโ€™s worth investing some more time in this one, I like it a lot.

      • Thank you Chantelle. I appreciate the suggestions that you gave. Yes, I think I could bring in connecting imagery. I agree that language sharpens the more that you rewrite.

    • Hello Renee,
      I like the way the poem takes us through all the examples and shows us the possibilities if we / nature adapt to change. I was lucky enough to see nesting turtles on a beach in Oman – one of the highlights of my life, so your poem resonated with me. Thank you for sharing such a thoughtful poem with us.

      • Thank you Christian. How lucky of you to see that in Oman! I’m glad the poem resonated with you ๐Ÿ™‚

    • I loved your examples of adaption Renee. I liked the repetition of hearing/reading etc about a place.

      I like the positivity and possibilities that you present of humans and nature living in harmony. I agree with Chantelle on looking at some of your word choices, and maybe splitting some lines that are longer as it breaks up the rhythm. Definitely worth another few edits to make it sparkle brighter and get the message of hope, and give some people food for thought at their actions. There is another way.

      Well done and thanks for sharing.

  • Fun story! I enjoyed how you kept the reveal of the name of the play until the end. I am not familiar with the story, but I can also see that with the little clues you put in the story, somebody who knew Death Takes a Holiday would be able to pick it up. The characters are great, and you can see the frustration of Maddie build throughout. It also…[Read more]

  • Great story, Becky! It really brings out the tensions that come with the holidays and the importance people put on tradition. These are characters a lot of people can relate to.

  • Even though anxiety knotted up my stomach, the general feeling of calm and peace stayed with me. I still felt everything as vibrantly as ever since my last treatment. I felt better than I had in my whole […]

    • Hi Renee
      You show us the MC’s paranoia so well–the image of her spending a night in the bathtub with a knife was great. Love how the light from any source is too extreme for her.
      If you appreciate constructive feedback, I suggest removing the word “uncontrollably” in the second instance of it for 2 reasons: it’s an unnecessary adverb, and it was a repeated word.
      I was wondering if Krista was more involved. Seems so. I hope Tess will be okay! Well done

      • Thanks, Becky! I appreciate the feedback, and yes, that second “uncontrollably” is unnecessary. Glad you are enjoying the story ๐Ÿ™‚

  • Thank you for sharing, Christy!

  • Hi Chantelle. I really enjoyed this poem. Beautiful description of the moth and they way you connected it to the image of winter itself. And then swept it away like a bad dream! Like fears of mortality, they too can be swept away in the morning, or light of the street lamps.

  • Interesting poem. It definitely brings to mind an epic story that you’re putting together. I can see a witch writing this for a prophecy. Definitely makes me want to read more of the story you are creating.

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Renee Shurilla

Profile picture of Renee Shurilla

@bunniebunn

Active 6 days, 2 hours ago
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