I like the juxtaposition of ironies at the outset, but I don’t see the tie to the rest of the poem. Your use of rhyme is good. Often it can make the poem seem sing-song. Here it works. I think you earned the conclusion, which is much less concrete than the rest of the poem. (I would put the closing quotation mark outside the period–that’s the convention in American English. I don’t know your background, though.)

Hi Brendon. I like the way your poem portrays the way a person finds it difficult to voice the enigmas of life. I agree that the first couple of lines are not really part of this poem. Perhaps they could form the start of another one?

I recall when my husband came out of rehab the second time. I was always trying to keep the kids quiet and remember walking on eggshells around him as not to give any cause for him falling off the rails again. It became so uncomfortable for all of us, but most of all, I just never trusted him or forgave him in my heart. I feel your story is well written; I felt his angst watching her every move. Well done.

Thank you Stella!!

Very good take on the prompt Brendon! You draw us to your MC’s predicament and sympathise with him or her. Congratulations on your first post and look forward to reading more of your work!

Simple, but good.

Hi Brendon. This is a great first story. I feel for both the characters. I think you juxtaposed the narrator’s concern well in “I’m watching her like a hawk” with her ‘sad eyes’, reflecting the pain from the loss of trust. Keep writing!