• I love the dialogue here. It flows really well and keeps the story moving forward. And the concept of a revenge discussion with the addition of the spy-jewelry was really well conceived.

    I wasn’t too sure where the focus on the tea was headed, lots of descriptions and references to it that didn’t really help the storyline. As someone already…[Read more]

  • Funny the different reactions on the ending. I can see that it might be a bit predictable, but I also see that a predictable ending to a story that so many others relate to in their own personal way seems very appropriate. I think you want a bit of nostalgia and longing at the end, so I like your ending. If you want to leave readers with more of a…[Read more]

  • This was so much fun. Gave me a real Jessica Jones vibe, along with a strong dose of Good Omens. I wish there were a little more foreboding (?) that he used to do something grander, maybe just an earlier sentence about how times had changed, or a reference to the good old days, something to hint at the weirdness that was coming. The thought of a…[Read more]

  • I love the visual of your mouth open before you laughed. The ending was a surprise for me too, didn’t know where it would go before I wrote it down. It made me smile to. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for your comments!

  • Thanks Del. Mission accomplished! I’m running around like a madwoman at work right now with Purell and Lysol, so I’m thrilled to hear I inspired some hand washing. Definitely a scary time right now.

  • Thanks Mandi! It is an interesting space for more stories. I love a closed environment for writing.

  • Lisa Bage and Profile picture of NetaQNetaQ are now friends 1 day, 11 hours ago

  • Wow wow wow. “Going possum” is so going to be a phrase in my house now!

    I wasn’t quite sure what was happening with Virginia, I think she was at the impound lot but when he said he could see her, for some reason that sounded literal, like she was still there.

    That’s a total nitpick though. This was so funny and I could see it as an animate…[Read more]

  • Just beautiful and clever.

  • Nice introduction to what would make a nice romance sci-fi kind of story. I’m curious about what The Shock is and what’s happening outside the walls. I really like the dialogue where he describes people being friends with his money instead of him. Really interesting way to set up his background.

    Good read! Thanks for sharing it.

  • What a sweet little romantic story. I like the relationship and the way they stayed friends even after everything.

    I love this part: “It was their wedding night and they were now adults. There was no need to leave the hotel room.“ what a great way to heat up a clean romance!

    I think the second half would read better if you somehow smo…[Read more]

  • Great concept for the prompt and nice story development. I’m not sure the footnotes added to the story but I found them interesting. I like the problem of such an arrangement working too well and making each one feel bad for different reasons.

    This phrase was a little awkward
    “folded her clothes into a draw-string laundry bag”.
    Should proba…[Read more]

  • You packed so much information into such a short story. Love the pacing throughout and how you continually developed Harry’s rationale and purpose. Excellent job.

  • Such a heart wrenching story. The part about the old women not understanding and throwing insults, was so descriptive and emotional. Nicely written.

  • Aw. This comment was so cute it made me smile! Thanks for reading Neta. I’m glad you enjoyed it!

  • I watched the family of four navigate their way through the space for the safety drill, hauling their bulky orange life vests. Once there, they faced one another in a little circle, setting their boundary against […]

    • Is he going to die? He said he is super immune too? What is going on?? I need more. He was the target. But, but, he is super immune? I love this story. I love the twisty ending. The descriptions detailing the journey and almost nonchalant, matter of fact , the way the protagonist narrated was in direct contrast to the ‘job description.’ Thank you for sharing.

    • Well, you couldn’t get much more topical, could you?

      Interesting concept that there is an elite group of super-immune carriers who are being hired by the rich and powerful for their own purposes, apparently uncaring of the wider consequences. I would be interested to read more about how news broke of the virus onboard the ship, and the atmosphere among crew and passengers. Also wondering where this will ultimately lead – to a ruling elite of super-immunes perhaps?

    • what a coup this story is. I so wish this was the 2500 story as I’m sure I would love to read it all.
      I’m wondering if nearly all the passengers are super-immune and this is a way of getting rid of them before one of them talks…?
      Scary too. I’m washing my hands straight after this review is complete!
      Well done.

      • Thanks Del. Mission accomplished! I’m running around like a madwoman at work right now with Purell and Lysol, so I’m thrilled to hear I inspired some hand washing. Definitely a scary time right now.

    • Hi Lisa,
      Okay, so this story brought back the headlines on the newspapers to me. Also all those breaking news flashes on TV, for obvious reasons.
      I really liked how you have handled the subject and your setting is simply perfect. I love the way this narrative moves. Your MC is very well eked. I can see the homework you have done behind this. Some lines are golden. This, for instance –” I work hard to be friendly. Most borders are easily breached with a smile and a compliment.”
      The ending was a shock and I had mouth open for a few seconds before I started to laugh. So, all three are super immunes! God! Awesome story! Thank you for sharing!

      • I love the visual of your mouth open before you laughed. The ending was a surprise for me too, didn’t know where it would go before I wrote it down. It made me smile to. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks so much for your comments!

  • Thanks Patty! I appreciate you taking the time to read and to comment! I’m glad you enjoyed it.

  • Thanks Karen. Good perspective on what would be more interesting.
    But don’t get me started on the difference between omelets and scrambled eggs! Scrambled eggs are tricky to do well but omelets can be masterpieces done well!

  • Thanks Laura!

  • What a fitting analogy – a well plated dish! I really appreciate the “fuss free” description too. That’s something I shoot for – no unnecessary words. Thanks for the feedback and the read.

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Lisa Bage

Profile picture of Lisa Bage

@boatwriting

active 12 hours, 9 minutes ago