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  • An Invitation by Maria Kinnersley

    Ann arrived at the holo-room thirty minutes before it was due to start. Even after ten years as World President, she still found these meetings difficult. The figures she saw […]

    • Maria, I enjoyed reading your story. I confess that generally I’m not a fan of science fiction. Having said that I did like watching the “X-files”. However, I think you did a good job writing a science fiction story. I liked the ending—the food was so impressive to the alien. I think using more dialogue to carry your story would help to show rather than tell in the first half of your story. In the latter half, I feel you did a good job with dialogue. Thanks for sharing.

      • Hi Linda,
        Thank you for taking the time to read my story and for your comments. I tend to agree with your comment concerning the first half and will be revising the first half of the story before the 16th December. I did wonder whether the twist at the end was a bit weak, so I am doubly glad you enjoyed it.

    • The very serious start to the story definitely made the end a fun surprise! I would recommend in your next draft focusing less on telling and more on showing. You have some really interesting backstory–maybe go through this exposition as her memories of them, and through conversation in the meeting? This way, you can still express the history without necessarily relying on telling. Very creative and I can’t wait to see the final draft!

      • Hi Lauren,
        Thank you for taking the trouble to read this and for your comments. It is appreciated. Another person has commented about using more dialogue and I can see that would give it a bit more of an edge. I shall enjoy the editing. The only problem is keeping to the word count:-).

    • Hi Maria, sci-fi is not my choice of genre but your story is presented in a manner that even a layman could grasp and in doing so you kept me engaged to the end. Well done.

      You had me thinking that the Xylops planet being destroyed by the Kronna was actually caused by the Corona virus). Likewise when Ann returned to earth and was praised for being the one who had urged the action to stop the Keronna (Coronna) …..i like the way that thought crept into my wormhole.

      I got a little confused about the thoughts in Ann’s head when she speaks of Rob’s wife wanting to return to earth also but then we never hear anything more about the wife. Can this be cleaned up a bit? I do like Rob though….good one.

      I love the holo-meeting and the images of the characters that show up.

      I’m a little on the fence as to whether your chocolate ending fits in. It is humourous but it’s the first sign of the story being humourous….can you give us a dash of humour earlier so we are not so surprised by your ending?

      • Hi Glen,
        Thank you for your thoughtful comments. You make some good points. It is good to have the chance to edit this before 16th December. I can see ways now that the story can be improved and appreciate you taking the time to read this.

    • Hi, Maria,

      I enjoyed the well-written prose and the set-up. But, I kept waiting for something more to happen. I know that 1200 words doesn’t allow for too much set up, but maybe you can find a way to shorten the beginning and give us some more action.

      I think you have a good handle on the sci-fi genre, though. It is something I can’t write – but I love to read it,

      ~patty~

      • Hi Patty,
        I appreciate you taking the time to read this story and I do think the point you have made is valid. Having read it a few times since I uploaded it, I too feel it needs a bit more oomph! at the start. I will definitely be rewriting the beginning. Thanks for pointing me in that direction.

    • Hi Maria — What a fun premise! I love all the details you give us about the future. After reading through the comments I wondered if you might accomplish some of the suggestions by Having Maria recount her experiences as part of a campaign speech. Just a thought. I also thought the ending didn’t carry the weight of the meeting, although it was humorous. Maybe you could add in something a little more serious and the have chocolate be the punch line, such as In our travels, we’ve noticed you planet has an abundance of **, that we could trade for technology. Oh and your food …

      Of course feel free to ignore these comments if they don’t fit with your story vision. They’re just thoughts.

      • Hi Christy,
        Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I enjoyed reading your thoughts on how it could be improved. There are some good ideas that I hadn’t thought of. I have been very fortunate so far to have had other like yourself offer their suggestions. It was always my intention to edit my story as I wasn’t 100% happy with it. I shall be putting your ideas into the mix. Thank you again.

  • The Dinner by Mustang PattyThough Tom was a brilliant lawyer, he couldn’t fix relationships or overcome problems with people.Tom’s blessings included good looks and a naturally friendly nature that attracted peo […]

    • This is a compelling narrative–I like how you switch between the two perspectives in the beginning to create tension. I was a little confused by all the names that get thrown out in their discussion–I wasn’t sure how they related to the rest of the story. Clarify these a little in your next draft. Thanks for sharing, and I’m excited to see your final draft!

      • Hi, Lauren,

        Thank you so much for your time to read and critique. I have done some editing based on your notes.

        ~patty~

    • Sadly we all know some Tom’s don’t we? You captured his personality quite deftly. I was a bit thrown off by the genre as romance because despite the execution of a proposal it was not a very romantic story. It’s a sad ending when there’s such a disconnect. But at least he’ll accept the inevitability of it. I think you could dispense with the markers between POV changes and rely on transitions, such as “Across town, Natalie fastened her pearl necklace”. I struggle with head hopping sometimes, but have found my stories are usually stinger, especially for short word counts if I pick a POV and stick with. It’s something to consider, anyway. Loved what you have just trying to suggest some possibilities for revision.

      • Hi there, Christy,

        I made some edits from your notes, and I think it is stronger now.

        Thank you for your time to read and critique,

        ~patty~

    • Hi Patty.
      This is such a poignant story and a very interesting use of the prompt. It kept my attention right the way through. I suppose I wish it didn’t end the way it did. It seemed so sad. I did feel that there were some unanswered questions in there. Like the sentence ‘Getting together after the murder in his office was shock not love.’ I thought there would be reference to it later, but there was no mention when she was talking to Tom. And what about Jill Adair? Again it was mentioned once and left.
      I just wondered whether the first paragraph could be altered slightly. Tom apparently has a fault in that he’s not a people person. But we don’t get an example of this at the start. I suppose I’m saying that there should be more show rather than tell, something I know I have a problem with too.
      I liked the story and the way it flowed. And I appreciate that really, 1200 words isn’t a lot for a story. Thanks for an interesting read.

    • Hi Patty, wow, you’ve really put the reader in Tom’s shoes. We can feel his pain of the moment. We can also feel Natalie’s nervousness as the kneeling approaches. Well done.

      I might suggest you start your story with ‘Though Tom was a brilliant lawyer, he couldn’t fix relationships.’
      and make that a stand-alone opening paragraph and then go from there. A more gripping opening?

      I like the sudden shift to Natale’s apartment.

      In the beginning, i am under the impression Tom had an
      affair with Jill (so i don’t like him) but as the story unfolds it doesn’t seem
      to have been such an involved relationship…..and yet Natalie is not cutting
      him any slack…perhaps it should have been Tom and Jill getting into a deeper
      relationship to cause the serious rift.

      I like the imagery of the weight of the blue velvet box, Tom’s
      butterflies and the lights in his eyes going out….good stuff.

      I’m wondering if Natalie fearing Jill will kill her is
      over the top.

      Otherwise, good to go.

  • My Aristotle was my only constant companion in this world. I rescued him from the raging rapids into which he’d been cast. When his small head surfaced above the roaring current, I leapt unthinking into the f […]

    • I love the beginnng of your story and it had me hooked, desperate to find out the fate of the innocent narrator. The first half is very well written, concise and the reader is pulled along with the high-drama. But, half-way through I felt it lost momentum. There was a little too much repetition of the message that the deal was not struck in a consensual manner. We know this becuase the narrator is dealing with the devil who is far from fair. I know you have said it’s a very rough draft. Well, I wish I could write such polished first drafts. The fate of the narrator due to the deal that can’t be escaped from might be a way to explore and finish your delightful story. I hope you are not offended by my comments becuase Ilove this story so much.

      • Thanks for reading and commenting Julie. You’ve given me something to work through in the next draft as well as a source of word count.

    • Hi, Christy,

      I love this story. The idea that we could fight what we feel is our fate is a common one, if you think about it. According to the Bible and Christian doctrine, when Jesus died on the Christ, He died for ALL of us – and He defeated the devil.

      The Archangel would defend that premise – in my humble opinion.

      Well done,

      ~MP~

    • Hi Christy,
      This is a very powerful story and had me gripped from start to finished. I agree with Mustang and her comments that when Jesus died on the cross, he defeated the devil. And you did raise a chill when talking at the end about a face-off between the Archangel Gabriel and the Devil.
      Getting back to the mechanics of your story. I’m wondering whether it would benefit from a little more dialogue. You could, for example, be telling the whole sad story to someone else. The main dialogue from what I can see is in your protagonist’s prayer. It feels to me that there should be more interaction with another human. Of course these are only observations and I’m sure you will improve the story even more. Good luck in this competition.

  • Elaine Dodge and Jane are now friends 1 week, 5 days ago

  • Rendesvouz Too by Martin Haworth

    #

    She killed him at two.

    By six, the plane was pushing back from the terminal. She didn’t drink the proffered glass of supposed champagne. Not that she didn’t drink. The […]

    • Your avenging angel intrigued me, and it’s fitting not to know her name. However, this jars slightly with the story as we are let into her thoughts and motivations throughout. Some pace building to create more tension might make it taughter. I was hooked immediatley and the story pulled me along to its very gratifying conclusion, that is superbly handled. But I wanted a surprise that wasn’t there, even though the final line is shocking… However, its very well written. My nit pick on word choice would be that the chances of her being caught on camera (and identified) ‘were mostly irrelevant’ sounds wrong, maybe ‘ higly unlikely?’. A great, tight, story that was a fun read. Thanks for sharing.

    • Hi Martin,
      I really enjoyed this story. I didn’t find a lot to ‘nit pick’ about. You had evidently carried out your editing on grammar, spelling etc. I did smile at the phrase ‘his previous attempts to entrance her falling dead into the Aegean’. It took me a couple of reads to ‘get it’, but oh, what a phrase.
      There was a tension running through the story and you kept up the momentum, which made it a satisfying read. Thank you.

  • Music of Autumn by Shae t

    #

    Alas, the leaves are ready
    to take a final bow
    Undertones of orange, gold,
    and scarlet on display
    They dance and sing in the
    chill morning sun
    Until they go drifting with
    the […]

    • Hi Shae, we seem to be kindred spirits…I chose the same approach to this month‘s prompt. I really like how you set apart the first letters of each line – I didn‘t know the website lets us change the color! I think the look of a poem is important in an acrostic, so very well done! And your language, too. I especially like the „music of the rustling leaves.“ That could very well be the starting-point of a whole new poem! Just a thought 😉

      • loved your poem. i am seeing a lot of autumn poems and it is so nice to see everyone’s different take on it.

        Yes, music of the rustling leaves would be a good one to work on.

        Thanks

    • Hi Shae – this is lovely – miss my autumns – just not the same here in SA so this was a lovely image you gave me x

      • I moved to Texas two year ago and though get change in color its not that vibrant and its closer to Late Oct and November. Having lived in colder places it starts early to mid September and by November all the leaves are gone. Enjoy the rest of your Spring.

    • Love that last line!
      Thanks.

    • Shae, Lovely colors and lovely music! I chose the same topic, Autumn Acrostic, but since it was my first contribution, I somehow missed the right combination of actions to upload it correctly! Your poem brings up a memory of standing in a park in the Smokey Mountains, feeling the leaves drifting down around me like tears. It was so lovely and so melancholy. Your poem puts me right back there! Thank you for the memory.

      • Juanita

        Thank you. you can still submit till 9pm .
        I love fall and yes I have been to Smokey Mountains and
        its a beautiful site.
        I have a picture of a small white church with the backdrop of the mountains in shades of scarlet and gold.
        Thanks

    • Shae,
      A beautiful simple poem. I enjoyed it. We had lots of leaf scraping and bowing this week – now they are all on the ground. Raking time!
      Wanda

    • Lovely poem Shae .. Packed with sensory and visual cues, and more importantly, it’s filled with hope and inspiration. We need such words in our lives. Well done.

    • Wonderful tribute to the changing colours of Autumn. Love the imagery as well as the rhythm of your poem.

    • Hi Shae,
      I love the colours and the feel of autumn which you have put in this poem. It really says Autumn to me. I particularly like your assonance of dew and adieu.

      Can I just suggest one thing – in the final line you perhaps could lose the ‘the’ so that it reads ‘music of rustling leaves’. You’ve certainly got the perverse formatting of this site licked too – red letter licked.

  • A Hopeless Gardener Celebrates Spring by R.L. Nel

    #
    Shoots poke through the thawing snow.
    Pottering around outside becomes the norm.
    Returning birds serenade us at dawn.
    I feel hopeful even though I […]

    • Hi Rachel, I kept thinking – Hope Springs Eternal – as I read your poem. The eternal optimism of the avid gardener:) You captured it so well:) Thanks for sharing.

    • Hi Rachel – sounds like your fingers are as green as mine!! This is a nice combo of an image of spring and a gardener’s lament! Nicely done.

    • Hello Rachel

      It’s lovely how you put hope and hopelessness side by side, and manage to make them both make sense. Beautiful words and very real images. I can almost touch the peering shoots poking the cold snow.

    • Incongruity at its best. The hopeless eternal optimist.

    • I love the simplicity of the poem, while capturing the depth of hope and love of life. Just beautiful!

    • Hello, I recognise all this – the advent of spring and the hope that comes with it. If you’ve got shoots coming through the snow, what more do you want? I wonder if getting rid of ‘had’ in the N line would work ok?

    • Great poem Rachel. I can relate with things not growing, although this year I have been fortunate that my veggies are growing and it is an amazing feeling to watch peppers get bigger and know they will make it to your plate.

      I loved the rhythm and rhyme of your piece. Spring is my favourite season and I like the birds you brought to the morning. Your words lifted my spirit. Thank you.

      Well done and thanks for sharing.

  • The Lies You Wove by Stevie K#Could have said the truth,Held yourself to a higher standard,Evolved beyond fake smiles and hidden textsAnd cared enough for me to tell me, and yet:Take was all you did,Ending with me […]

    • Very well done, Stevie. It was easy to read , had a nice flow lyrically, and I understood your meaning. Sometimes I have trouble interpreting what the poets on this site are trying to say, but yours was great. Thanks, Sharon

    • The underlying message of the acrostic word is portrayed so clearly and with such heartfelt emotion in the lines of your poem that it makes me want to reach across the void and give you a long, warm hug. That’s what poetry is all about. Well done, Stevie.

    • A great poem, easy to read and understand. There’s too many cheaters in the world.

    • Stunning.

      If I may suggest…..end your line : destroyed by the lies you wove so (eloquently) .

      You conveyed her betrayal with such raw simplicity and vulnerability…beautiful.

      • Thank you for the suggestion. I like it – the poem reads better. The ones with the lies seem to have more words. Thanks for reading! Glad you liked it

    • Ooof…this poem hits you in the gut with all the feelings. I’m sorry but it is a great poem. I think some added punctuation with elongated or short pauses could up the punch a smidge more, but that’s just me. The last line sums it all up so painstakingly well. On to better partners. ✨

      • I like your suggestions! Thank you for reading. Moving on is easier on paper though *sigh

    • Brilliant work, Stevie. I think it works so well because of the evident turn (the “and yet”) in the middle line. Your narrator clearly sees things as plain as they are, and there is a dryness in the voice that has a bitter sting. Isn’t it fascinating how powerful a simple, straightforward statement can be? No schnickschnack, just the truth.

    • Hi Stevie, a beautifully written acrostic. Excellent word choice, they really hit home. Lots of anger, bitterness, and despair in those words. Well done.
      PS I hope it is not your heart that had been cheated on.

    • This is compact and right on the target. No extra words or frills. The title, the acrostic word, and the message sync perfectly. Love it.

    • Hi Stevie,
      The acrostic works well and develops on from the title. Its story is well-revealed. I stumbled a bit on the line: ‘And cared enough for me to tell me, and yet:’ I wonder if you could leave out ‘for me’ so that it reads ‘And cared enough to tell me, and yet:’ Just a suggestion, because the poem is great.

  • November blues in lockdown by Sharon J Clark

    #

    Now come the long days of thunder and lightning

    October’s mellowness gone, Covid’s grip tightening

    Vaccines longed for, failing to appear

    Everyone’s hope drain […]

    • Well done, Sharon. I assume you are from the UK with your reference to Boris. It was spot on with our present situation. Thanks for sharing, Sharon

    • November has been quite the eventful month- and its still only the beginning!
      Wonder how much worse it can get – your words carry a dark foreshadowing

    • I suspect that you selected your subject, then picked your acrostic. That worked very well. It’s hard to imagine Boris having ever been anyone’s delight, but one could say that about another current leader as well. Out with the rascals!

    • Hi Sharon,
      I guess many of us in the UK sympathise with your sentiments in this well-composed acrostic. It seems we will now have a vaccine, and will have to put our faith in its ability to get us out of this cycle of covid and more covid. Well done in writing our thoughts.

    • Great acrostic on point for this time Sharon. I feel the drain of hope and the sheer surrender to fear and the frustration on relying on government to make the right decisions.

      Let us find hope again and may it be rewarded.

      Your words flow well and stir up feelings which is always the sign of a good poem.

      Well done and thanks for sharing.

  • Communication is the Key by Peggy Rockey

    #
    Consciously silent, peaceful thoughtfulness
    One with the other, quiet synch
    Momentarily caught in the others emotions
    Memories relating to past experiences
    Uniting the […]

    • This reads as a love poem – beautifully expressed.

      I thoroughly enjoyed the quiet contentment underlying this poem – a cosyness that comes from truly knowing and being confortable with another . Lovely.

      (Could fit the next prompt just as well!)

    • Great job with your acrostic poem, I love how you expressed communication within a relationship within the bounds of this poem.

    • Oh wow. The words are carefully thought out and it can apply to any relationship really. This is art. I love it!

    • Hello Peggy

      I like this line a lot “Yet a hint of mystique of the yet to come”. Even though it’s a departure from the state of utter openness in communication, it’s probably what keeps the conversation going.

      Your understanding of the nuances of human interaction is truly impressive. And the words that carry these meanings are so pretty. Well done dear.

    • As I read, in my mind’s eye, I saw myself sitting with a beloved friend, sharing ideas, listening, pondering one another’s thoughts. You tapped right in to every bit of what communication should be; the ending, allowing for that mystique even when conversation is exhausted, is perfect. Well done, Peggy.

    • Hi Peggy, wow this is a pretty amazing Acrostic. I feel like you have told a short story within, about two people in love and how their relationship develops over time:) The beauty is they continue to grow together rather than apart (as so many do). Well done and thank you for sharing:)

    • Well done, Peggy! You have summarised so well through this poem that Communication is the key for building trust, finding solutions to complex problems and putting the mind at ease once you have expressed what you were holding back. Also, I love the element of thrill of the unknown towards the end. Superb😊👏

    • Wow, this is superb. Loved how you presented the theme.

    • Hello Peggy,
      You managed to sustain the long acrostic right through to the magnificent last line: ‘Yet a hint of mystique of the yet to come’. Well done on this poem.

  • Ayn’s Atlas sneezes, spewingContagion acrossHeavens and earth causingOrder to disorder, sparking theOnset of transformative chaosBeastly vainglorious indifferenceLeaves a leadership voidExposing the flaw in G […]

    • Brilliant!! 👏👏👏

      ‘beastly vainglorius indifference’ – need you say anymore than that. Just brilliant. so well put 🤗

    • Well done, Christy – this is an excellent and succinct reflection on our current disruptive moment.

    • Rand is the perfect backdrop for our beastly, vainglorious, indifferent leader. The last three lines have a different voice, perhaps in a hurry to finish?

    • Hi Christy,
      These acrostics have sent me scurrying to Google as I am obviously woefully ignorant about so many things – Ayn for one and Galt for another. They look worthy of further investigation. Despite this I enjoyed reading your acrostic and it sounds very contemporary.

    • Really, though, who is John Galt? 🙂
      I enjoyed this, although I think anyone unfamiliar with Ayn Rand and Atlas Shrugged would struggle. Such is the danger of basing a poem on an allusion, but this works, and I think even someone unfamiliar with Galt would enjoy the wording and get the gist of the meaning. I hope order comes to our disorder soon.

      Nicely done. Thank you. for sharing.

  • Remembrance by C Alexis

    #

    Recollection of death, destruction

    Evocation of loss, loneliness

    Memorialize sacrifices

    Eulogization of wasted youth

    Memorialize, do not repeat

    Baptism in kindness, caring, […]

  • Remember when you came to stay Each second within the dreamVirtues out the windowElation in each of our eyesRecall the moments if you canSometimes they linger onAlone again, memories explodeLife runs along […]

    • Oh, clever, Martin! It took me a moment to figure out what you did, but once I caught on to the trick, I was delighted with the memories and the images you evoke. Especially love these lines: Today I remember the pier/but you, I remember more – it brings the memories of the moment alive, and I just love that!

      • Hi Peggy

        That line worked both in the acrostic and the poetry! Thanks for your generous words of encouragement!

        Martin

    • Hello Martin,
      I love your poem and the nostalgia it brings. I got the first part/word for the acrostic, but am fuzzy on the rest. 😉 Thanks for sharing.

      • Hi Marcena

        Thanks for reading. Not to give too much of a clue, but check the last letters of the second half lines 😉

        Martin

    • Hi Martin – very ingenious use of the acrostic. Lots of remembering and wistfulness for what is no more. Thank you for sharing the poem.

      • Hi Christian

        Thank you for reading and leaving a kind comment. I’m just an old romantic at heart!

        Martin

    • Brilliant! You really brought the memories to life, and I like your creative approach to the prompt. You had a double bite, as well. -Becky

      • Hi Becky

        Thank you for reading. I found this poem a challenge, as it rather shoe-horned me into lines I might not have written, but I made it work, eventually!
        I appreciate your kind words.
        Martin

  •  .Twitter-feed to terminate yet another government official asRepublicans continue to demonstrate theirUnhappiness in ‘Stop the Steal’Marches across the state: thePresidential race an ongoing, fiery […]

    • Yikes! That was outstanding! You are way too talented. Trump reads this one he is bound to have you arrested lol

      Love ya girl!

    • Very good on Kim. Brings a smile to the dial

    • Could you send it out on twitter with #trump?

      • 😄…exactly why I’m not on twitter…can you imagine wading thru all that s**

    • Dude, this is brilliant writing! Jaw dropped. Well done!

    • Wonderful! You nailed our current unreality. Let the transition begin. Article 25 anybody? This is so true: Orwellian desire for rule, obfuscating truth with fiction. Bravo my friend! Bravo.

    • Hi Kim, this is spot on. I don‘t think Trump would like it, but that is a comliment in this case! You are so right to question that Trumpism is probably not a thing of the past yet…there is a survey saying that German covidiots would elect Trump if they could vote in the US…this is deeply disturbing. Formally, I think the acrostic style works really well for your purpose. I was wondering about these last lines: God Bless America : the Greatest Show on Earth/ (Trump refuses to Concede Defeat). They are set apart, and they don‘t contribute to the acrostic. I wonder if they appear by accident? Or maybe I just don‘t get it…sorry …

      • no – those lines are not part of the acrostic – that was me being deeply sarcastic…that this …farce …should become so ‘reality tv ala Trump style’

    • Throughout the whole of his mandate, the orange one has actually achieved one ‘great’ thing: he gave you inspiration for these wonderful poems! 🤣
      This is seriously brilliant Kim; loved, loved, loved it! The line ‘Orwellian desire for rule, obfuscating truth with fiction’ is outstanding.
      Thank you for sharing this gem! 🙂

      • Thanks Ben.
        that he should provoke such creativity in me revulses me – 🤦‍♀️- I think its the anger as someone else mentioned….

    • Spot on, Kim! Your passion clearly shines through, it’s as strong as is the embarrassment and dissent this man has brought to my beloved country. He just needs to go away.

    • Holy cow, Kim. I think this one might be your best political poem yet. Incisive, witty and spot-on in all of your observations, carefully transforming each news header into a section of your critique making them flow with grace and anger at the same time. The word-choice, outstanding. The cadence, even better. A truly marvellous piece. Congrats!

    • Very well written!! Captures the whole spectacle, which is often the reality, in its entirety.

    • Fantastic piece of writing, Kim. I’m amazed at your ability to stick to the acrostic in so many lines, with not one word or line wasted. Well done on an excellent poem.

    • Well done, Kim! Loved the flow of the poem and the way you fearlessly lay bare your emotions. I guess, 2020 was good for America after all. Like Trump, soon the pandemic will also be eradicated.Congratulations 😊❤👏

    • You’ve articulated the Farce in our modern politics so well, Kim. It is quite the irony – how it could have come to such a touch&go situation for democracy.
      You’re building quite a body of work here now, with your political commentary. Do you have plans for it? Maybe you’re thinking of a Trump-themed chapbook of sorts?

      • after you mentioned how my Jarae series reminded you of Trump it kinda killed my mojo….but I am slowly coming to terms that all my work has a political slant – not something that was ever a conscious desire, I assure you!

        • This is disturbing news! I liked the Jarae series, very much. Especially because of its commentary on real-life social issues but through a fantasy lens. I mean – you had it all in there. Excess. Ethics. Feminism. Perverse incentives of politics. Of course The Emperor was going to be a conglomerate of every bad leader on the face of the earth, ever. We like our villains that way.
          But I should probably stop, because this might not be doing your mojo any good. I’m just curious as to know why?
          It seems as though you don’t particularly like that the politics coming through in your work? That I don’t understand – why would you not own that, proudly? I think a critical voice is one of the best qualities one can have in writing. If you can package that as fantasy, or comedy, or horror, or … or … you know – anything that grips people’s imagination – you have a direct pathway to their minds.

    • I love the long acrostic you chose–you execute it well. You also capture the frustration of this moment perfectly in your enraged lines. Thank you for sharing!

      • nothing like a bit of passive-agression, hhmmm

        yes, frustrated – only because of what it means for the rest of the world…

    • So, Kim, how did you feel about the results of the election? 🙂
      I see that the form forced some line breaks that you might not otherwise have chose, but so be it. The rhythm is still good.

    • Great stuff Kim and you’ve got the relaxed acrostic poem nailed – it flows very well.

    • Such scenarios happen so often in Africa that many of my friends are so amused that America has indeed become the greatest show from the greatest nation that it has always been known as. I am from Malawi where there was an election last year which was nullified by the court because of obvious irregularities and rigging. A second election was done in June this year and the incumbent was ousted. The difference with this case was the proof – it was so evident lol. Waiting to see how this all pans out. Sorry, I digress – back to your poem. I like the length and how you have described everything, used words skillfully to convey the message in a tight and flowing way and not losing the pace with any of the lines of the piece. Well done for this thoughtfully crafted piece

      • Thanks Stevie

        yes, in Africa we are so inured to electoral rigging – but the States! that’s just the bedrock of the Free and Fair – or so I always believed.

  • Grief torn! by Angelique Pacheco

    #

    Grittiest

    Rococco

    Imparter

    Expiration

    Fin! 

    #

    Read Angelique Pacheco’s work. 

    • Angelique
      This kind of minimalism is an art. By no more than five words you say so much.
      I enjoyed it .
      Thank you for sharing.

    • Another double acrostic! So cool. Well done.

    • I didn’t understand the Fin. IDK Y This is a powerful piece.

    • Hello Angelique,
      Nice and different acrostic. I haven’t read one like this before–is it called a double acrostic? It is very powerful with so few words. Great work.

    • Hi Angelique, I liked the starkness of your word choice and the fact you had a word using the beginning letters and the ending letters:) Very clever. But I have to admit ignorance in not knowing what the words rococco or fin mean in this poem. If you could explain that would be fabulous:)

    • Thanks for the feedback Jane! Rococco is a word my grandmother used often. It speaks to a muddling of ideas or concepts. Like when someone dresses in stripes and floral at the same time. It is also how I think her mind was towards the end of her life. She had dementia. ‘Fin’ is the French word for ‘the end’.

    • Hello Angelique

      I was expecting a concise form in your signature style, and was really glad to see how you pulled this one off. 🙂

      The words ‘fin’ and ‘rococo’ felt so personal, claimed the piece as your very own. I think that sometimes we just need to speak little of our grief. To just get it done with.

      Nice work .. I like it!

    • Hi Angelique,
      Very terse and clever. By Fin, do you mean ‘end’ as in French?

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Ismael

@billquiverlance

active 3 days, 7 hours ago
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