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  • Dear Juanita. This is a wonderful first contribution. It is evocative and thoughtful. I come from South Africa, where there are ambivalent responses to beggars. Your MC’s doubts are so real. In a world of increasing con-artists, she remains caring, untainted by cynicism. I can’t help but love the pure heart of this almost eighty-year old. Thank…[Read more]

  • This reads like an excerpt from a crime-thriller movie. Your MC is intriguing and your narrative is full of possibilities. Well done!
    Just one question Is there something missing in this sentence? The word ‘both’ seems to suggest there is more. “Dejardin watched as several heads turned to both applaud the benefactor of the evening.” 

  • Dear Nicole. Thank you for the positive feedback. This was a difficult story to write because of the content, but it had to be told. Thank you for reading. I really appreciate it.

  • This is a very well-crafted story with some fascinating characters. Lovely mood and atmosphere of tension, danger and a sense of an imminent explosion. Would love to read more. Thank you.

  • Dear India. Thank you for your positive feedback and thank you for reading my story. I’m glad it kept your attention. When we are a witness to something this traumatic, we are haunted by the experience and wonder whether we could have done more.

  • Dear Annalie. Thank you for reading and your positive comments. I struggled with this story as the content was disturbing for me but I felt it needed to be told.

  • Dear Julie. Thank you for reading my story and thank you for your detailed feedback. I really appreciate it. About the excessive telling – that is perhaps my biggest challenge at the moment. Constantly working on improving on it.

  • This is a well-written story that conveys the agony and anger of soured relationships. This is by no means the end for either of them as the memories and ‘what ifs’ will haunt them for a long time after. I was just relieved that he read her blank gaze correctly in the end.

  • Bullying is such a huge problem and the victims are left with trauma for a long time – sometimes a lifetime. However, I thoroughly enjoyed your telling of the story. It was witty and funny and engaging. Thank you for an entertaining read.

  • Dear Anusuya. Thank you for sharing your experience. Your writing and commentary is moving and I can only ask you to continue to “slay the beast of despondency”. They say “Hope springs eternal in the human breast”. Hang in there. Our prayers are with you. My eldest sister also tested positive but she is thankfully out of the woods after a long time.

  • Phew! I love this story. It is filled with encounters that make the heart skip a beat, lines that replay in the mind, unsaid messages that bring a flush to the cheeks, and memories that weave fantastical tales that bring a smile to your face even when you’re rocking on that chair in your fifties and beyond. Thank you for sharing.

  • Dear India. The situation you describe is very relatable and quite common. Many children grapple with parental criticism for a good part of their lives resulting in a lot of unspoken resentment and wavering confidence. If and when the confrontation occurs, it’s usually quite devastating. I think you have captured the MC’s tensions well and I could…[Read more]

  • Bhavna K. and Profile picture of AnnalieAnnalie are now friends 2 weeks, 2 days ago

  • What I wish I had said… by Bhavna K. Mehta#The judge cleared his throat before he read out his final judgement. The court was silent. My sister Janine pulled her arm tightly around my eight-year-old brother, K […]

    • This is a sad but beautiful story. The end is a total suprise and gives the reader a powerful emotional punch. There is quite a lot of tellling in the story – and I wonder if this is becuase this complex, emotional situation, is being ‘squeezed’ into a word-count that doesn’t allow it to unfold in more showing scenes. I would love to read this story again, as a much longer one where the pain, suffering, humiliation and finally triumph for some but not all – could be really explored. The final line brought tears of regret for her to my eyes. Thank you for sharing this.

      • Dear Julie. Thank you for reading my story and thank you for your detailed feedback. I really appreciate it. About the excessive telling – that is perhaps my biggest challenge at the moment. Constantly working on improving on it.

    • This sentence finished me – “I entered the world of silent screams”
      Oh Bhavna – what a sad story, narrated from a wonderful POV. Captured the emotions in a powerful ‘show-and-not-tell’ way
      Thank you for sharing

      • Dear Annalie. Thank you for reading and your positive comments. I struggled with this story as the content was disturbing for me but I felt it needed to be told.

    • Wow, that was a powerfully, sad tale. I did not expect that ending. I love how well written your story is! Though it is sad, it was engaging to read. It is a great story!

      • Dear India. Thank you for your positive feedback and thank you for reading my story. I’m glad it kept your attention. When we are a witness to something this traumatic, we are haunted by the experience and wonder whether we could have done more.

    • What a powerful, raw depiction of a monstrous tale. It came as a shock to me that the narrator had killed herself on top of the suffering that they as a family had already endured. Skillfully told, a story that leaves its impression on the reader.

      • Dear Nicole. Thank you for the positive feedback. This was a difficult story to write because of the content, but it had to be told. Thank you for reading. I really appreciate it.

  • Dear Annalie. This is a sweet tale of two very real, mature characters enjoying a ‘sexciting’ virtual romance. Your writing is as playful as your characters’ daring. My favourite line is “…pandemic isolation gained a playful amorous dimension.”
    I was only confused by one thing. If he had called a week before, why did she not recognise his…[Read more]

  • Dear Stevie. Thank you for reading my story and thank you for the positive feedback and the honest critique. Yes, more dialogue would have worked more powerfully. I just wish I could manage the word count better.

  • Dear Christy. Your plot was interesting and I was rooting for your MC, but your ending was too rushed. This was probably because of the word-count. It’s a pity. Maybe you could have edited quite a bit of Collette’s tirade and skipped to how she got the good doctor all wound up and ending up with the doctor breaking up with Collette. Or, you could…[Read more]

  • Hi Elaine. This is a horror tale that gripped me from the beginning. As pointed out by the others, the ‘He said’, ‘She said’ was distracting because it slowed down the pace, but when I skipped those words, I could picture the events unfolding very well. The mood, atmosphere, dialogue, the structure – all worked well to create a sinister tale set…[Read more]

  • Hi Cinthia. Your story really shows how corrosive jealousy can be. Your story held my interest till the end. I wasn’t sure if I felt sympathy for your MC as I couldn’t feel her rejection. This could be because we were not given an example of/peek into a humiliation she suffered. As for the ending, we’ll never get to know her side of the story. It…[Read more]

  • Hi Rebecca. This is a sad tale where it seems nobody was happy. I understand your MC’s resentment but I don’t feel sorry for her. She was able to shower love and care to her garden and surrounds but she was unable to give even a little of that to any of the people in her world; and that’s such a shame. If she did, she could have changed the ending…[Read more]

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Bhavna K.

Profile picture of Bhavna K.

@bhavna-k-mehta

active 1 week, 3 days ago
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