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  • Hi Beth, Thanks for reading my story and your comments

  • Hi Jessica, Thanks. I definitely will keep on writing

  • Ok not what I was expecting at the end. Interesting story Well done

  • At first I was confused as to who’s who and where, but it all fell into place at the end. I liked the way you had me guessing right until almost the last line. Well done

  • Hi Chloe, great story. At first I thought she had lost her daughter in the accident and I wondered why you’d brought it in so soon. Then you revealed the twist and it immediately it changed everything . Well done

  • Mazambane, the zulu name for potato first led me to the Nestle factory when I was about nine. But we not talking about a tuber variety of plant. This make of Mazambane was a donkey, my real-life version of an […]

    • So this was a very cool idea for a story, and it took me time to piece it together, which is not a bad thing. I love the memoir of the simpler time, the lack of real security and the level of supervision which would be considered under-supervision by todays standards. very much put me back in touch with my analog childhood that also had its own complications despite the internet not really being one of them. And the pace was drawn out, and that was fine too, especially if that was intentional. What I think would really add to this is the dare/challenge/meaning behind swimming in the milk. Maybe it really was just a whim but was it born from the mind numbing boredom of all that unstructured time, or did you want to build a connection with this older boy, or were you tired of feeling like you always do what is expected? I love character motivations. i really liked this and it deserves your writing about it. Thanks for sharing.

    • Hi Andrew.
      Interesting story. This was my favorite line you wrote, “His driver, a jovial black man with a silver head of hair and matching beard, was always a good ten meters behind, laughing and joking with the ladies. ” I liked this description and brings some personality to the character. Keep writing! 🙂

  • Hi Again Del, have to admit I thought it was Frank who was dead, maybe under her house. The lack of smell worried me and I knew it was important cause you mentioned it a few time. But I never guessed that ending. I was expecting a curved ball. Well done I really enjoyed it. I think we all fall into the last minute category at times

  • Hi Del, Thank you for those comments. You were spot on with the prompt, I admit it wasn’t one that jumped out at you, but I’m glad you got it. You have got me thinking about making the story a little longer. Watch this space, 2022 could be exciting

  • Loved it, The end was so unexpected. I like the way you kept us guessing. Well done

  • Thanks Sorchia, Really appreciate your comments. Stories that short aren’t my forte.

  • I’m getting tired of my room now; I think it must be cabin fever.

    I have been here, for a week, maybe a bit longer. The first few days are a little muddled. The accommodation is adequate, but the meals, are u […]

    • Deliciously depraved! Things don’t look so good for human Rodger. You’ve set the scene nicely. It’s a creepy little story and I mean that in the best way.

    • Thanks Sorchia, Really appreciate your comments. Stories that short aren’t my forte.

    • Wow – beautifully creepy! I love stuff like this. I think this would be the perfect first chapter in a long story – think about it please. I really, really need to knwo more about this story! What a wonderful skill to be able to hook the reader like this.
      Excellent title. A BIG well done
      Sorry to be such a dimwit (it’s my USP!) but where does the prompt make its presence please? Is it because she is guarding him?
      There is so much to like here and with the captor being female and prisoner being male, it turns the genre on its head. Super job

    • Hi Del, Thank you for those comments. You were spot on with the prompt, I admit it wasn’t one that jumped out at you, but I’m glad you got it. You have got me thinking about making the story a little longer. Watch this space, 2022 could be exciting

  • Hi Riana,
    Thanks so much for your comments, they are really appreciated. I agree the link between the story and the prompt wasn’t quite there. But I’m glad you enjoyed it. As far as a murder mystery, there is one amongst all my papers and doodles, Hopefully it will evolve into more that a few ideas .

  • Hi Melissa, I really enjoyed this story and the way you kept me in the dark about the real reason. I loved they way you projected the different blues through Riley. Well written thank you

  • Hi Penny,
    Interesting story, one that leaves you wondering. I hope there will be a chapter two

  • Hey Adam, Good story . I want to know more, There are so many questions, what happened to his family, did they die or did his mother just leave. There is no mention of a father just Aunty. I like the way you occasionally bring up his family situation, it keeps the reader wondering waiting for some clue. The big question is Flick, how is she…[Read more]

  • Hi Melissa, Thanks for your comments and the points you brought up. I can see how they can be confusing.
    I don’t know why but for some reason I thought the deadline was the 8th. Imagine my surprise when the reminder came on the 6th. Not that’s any excuse
    I’m glad you enjoyed it. Perhaps I can turn it into a play of sorts. A seed is…[Read more]

  • Hugh Stanley’s body slumped in his chair, his eyes open and his face etched in surprise. A red patch grew larger on the left side of his chest.

    “The police are on the way miss Pritchard. Can I get some tea, or […]

    • I really like this idea, and when I realised Dianna was a maid it made the interplay between her and the butler even better. Initially I didn’t realise, so their to-ing and fro-ing at the beginning was a little confusing as I couldn’t work out why Dianna was there if she was the ‘other woman’ but her being the maid explains it. Perhaps a cue a little earlier (uniform or doing some dusting? I think her ‘powdering her nose’ made me think she was a guest, so maybe polishing the glass or something?). I liked the double twist, that there’s two affairs going on and he’s not really dead. Although, it took me a minute to realise at this point that the victim was actually alive:

      ““I will.”
      Celia pulls away from Rupert. “Hugh. I thought you were dead?””

      As above, the twists were really fun, but I did find the ending confusing. I wasn’t quite sure who had died. However, I liked the final line. The final twist, because it made the whole exchange seem even more hammy, and that it could really be over the top and a little absurd because of the situation which shifted the whole perspective in the very last line. I love stories like this and this was fun to read.

    • Hi Melissa, Thanks for your comments and the points you brought up. I can see how they can be confusing.
      I don’t know why but for some reason I thought the deadline was the 8th. Imagine my surprise when the reminder came on the 6th. Not that’s any excuse
      I’m glad you enjoyed it. Perhaps I can turn it into a play of sorts. A seed is germinating. Thanks again

    • Hi Andrew. This was a delightful and fun read, I thoroughly enjoyed it! I liked the nonchalant attitudes of the butler and Dianna and the multiple love triangles being unraveled. I thought the ending was really clever and it made sense to me.
      Overall, I feel that if you clean up your punctuation a bit this could read much smoother. But other than that the story felt well told and coherent and the telling felt vivid and convincing.
      The tie to the prompt was perhaps a bit weak, but I enjoyed all the colour references and the details of the interior of the house! Hope you attempt a murder mystery some day if you haven’t already! 😉

      • Hi Riana,
        Thanks so much for your comments, they are really appreciated. I agree the link between the story and the prompt wasn’t quite there. But I’m glad you enjoyed it. As far as a murder mystery, there is one amongst all my papers and doodles, Hopefully it will evolve into more that a few ideas .

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Short Story : 11
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