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Barbara Duff commented on the post, Solomon's Choice by Jacqie Kohler 10 hours, 8 minutes ago
Ah, yes, that makes sense. Thanks for clarifying!
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, The Others by Barbara Duff (Scene 21 Seasons) 10 hours, 10 minutes ago
Sorry for making you wince – I’m taking cheap shots at the government which I also hate. Although hopefully they won’t still be in power at the time this story is set!! Thanks for the positive comments.
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, The Others by Barbara Duff (Scene 21 Seasons) 10 hours, 13 minutes ago
There are still a few bits to put in place, Beth, but I’m definitely building up to it! Thanks for the positive comments.
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, The Others by Barbara Duff (Scene 20 Didn't call) 10 hours, 17 minutes ago
Thanks, Jacquie – it’s a relief that there’s still tension despite the lack of a great deal of physical action!
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, The Others by Barbara Duff (Scene 20 Didn't call) 10 hours, 18 minutes ago
Thanks, Rebekah! I hope that what comes before isn’t too confusing. As I said I’ve changed things as my ideas have evolved but haven’t gone back and rewritten. Do ask if you still have questions!
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, The Others by Barbara Duff (Scene 20 Didn't call) 10 hours, 20 minutes ago
Thanks for the comments, Beth. That’s good to hear. As I said to Frances, I worry about the lack of physical action.
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, The Others by Barbara Duff (Scene 20 Didn't call) 10 hours, 22 minutes ago
Thanks for your comments! I’m glad it felt exciting – I’m worried that it might not be because there is little physical action!
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, Just Being Human by Frances Aron (20) 10 hours, 24 minutes ago
Thanks for clarifying – yes, that’s good!
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, Solomon's Choice by Jacqie Kohler 10 hours, 25 minutes ago
Ooh, I hope so!
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, Sc. 21 Slaves to Evil by Rebekah Pasley 10 hours, 27 minutes ago
This scene was fun – I liked the description of Tessa gradually mastering the technology and her appearance was spectacular. Interesting idea that the virtual dresses are as expensive and designer as the real ones – logical when you think about it, I suppose! I like the way Prof.Clive doesn’t get drawn into Mira’s plans for bowing. I’m still…[Read more]
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, Just Being Human by Frances Aron (21) 10 hours, 39 minutes ago
What a gripping and dramatic scene! You brought Frances’s emotions to life and I felt as if I was there. I’m amazed that life afterwards just went on as normal. Helping with the biology homework was a great symbol of this. I found this a really powerful scene. I don’t think jumping around is a problem as each scene can stand alone – besides,…[Read more]
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, Shapeshifter week 21 by Beth Stillman Blaha 10 hours, 53 minutes ago
I’m glad Kim’s parents agreed to let Roark come to the Thanksgiving and you’ve done a great job of showing how this time it’s a parody of the usual happy times. The discord is so clear – it must be bad if the Robinsons remind him of his mother and Anders. The contrast with the Kendall we know is massive. I’d be interested to know how she reacts to…[Read more]
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, Solomon's Choice by Jacqie Kohler 11 hours, 9 minutes ago
Once again you’ve done a really great job of showing the different facets of the friends’ relationships. The tenderness, the humour, the companionship – it’s all there. Very realistic and engaging dialogue. And what I really admire is the way the style of each is different.
I’m probably being dense, but one thing puzzled me a bit – when Magali…[Read more]
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Barbara Duff wrote a new post, The Others by Barbara Duff (Scene 21 Seasons) 1 day, 18 hours ago
Hemal Agnor glowered. If he clenched his fists tight enough, he might stop himself striking the technician who was fumbling with the lingua-generator as if he’d never seen one before. Why did a small adjustment t […]
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, Just Being Human by Frances Aron (20) 4 days, 10 hours ago
Another disappointment for Frances – quite poignant. You show her excitement and pleasure at the trips vividly and this makes a strong contrast with the first paragraph where the disillusionment has taken root. It’s an interesting structure. I think I’d like to have heard more about how the provocative kiss made Frances feel!
Just one thing – I’m…[Read more] -
Barbara Duff commented on the post, Sc. 20 Slaves to Evil by Rebekah Pasley 1 week ago
Hi Rebekah – I’ve only read from Scene 18 so far but I can see how devious and manipulative Martin is. (I started feeling a bit sorry for him in Scene 18!) I wonder what his long term plans for Craig really are. There are also some great hints about life in Great Palatium – I’m intrigued by the idea of people exercising to enhance their social…[Read more]
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Barbara Duff commented on the post, Solomon's Choice by Jacqie Kohler 1 week ago
Well, not quite the Christmas party I was expecting! Great developments – full of action. I love the way it’s in Magali’s nature to tackle injustice head on. I think she’s going to be a great lawyer (or am I being naive?)
I also loved the interlude with Ryan and your drily humorous turn of phrase (“albeit with the technicality of having to take…[Read more] -
Barbara Duff commented on the post, Shapeshifter, week 20 by Beth Stillman Blaha 1 week ago
You asked for expanding suggestions. I must say the scene felt pretty complete to me, but here are a couple of ideas:
- Roark could reflect a bit on the presentation which would give you more opportunity to show how things weren’t back to normal;
- You could describe a bit more of the excitement of the buzz in the cafeteria so we get the atmosphere…
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Barbara Duff wrote a new post, The Others by Barbara Duff (Scene 20 Didn't call) 1 week ago
The hopper journey to the European Federation Headquarters in Berlin takes just over an hour, but the endless niggling between the Colonel and the Professor is going to make it seem a lot longer. I close my eyes […]
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What an exciting scene Barbara! Fast paced and carefully structured. Such skill. I’m enjoying how the sub-narrative(s) thread(s) its/their way through…e.g. Jake’s romantic interest, perhaps?
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Thanks for your comments! I’m glad it felt exciting – I’m worried that it might not be because there is little physical action!
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Hm,the institute of exo cultures just showing up on the radar does make it shady. And I like that you talk about that further down in the dialogue as an aside rather than just saying that they had not heard of it. Love the pace and the efficient use of description. I can always see it in my head and you jump right into the action and ride the wave all the way through. It’s a definite skill.
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Thanks for the comments, Beth. That’s good to hear. As I said to Frances, I worry about the lack of physical action.
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I have a few more scenes to read to be caught up to what is going on in this one, but I do like the writing pace and the dialogue. The short, witty sentences thrown in – like, “He scowls. I deserve it.” – is delightful. Well done!
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Thanks, Rebekah! I hope that what comes before isn’t too confusing. As I said I’ve changed things as my ideas have evolved but haven’t gone back and rewritten. Do ask if you still have questions!
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Totally agree with what has been said. A tense scene, well paced and good dialogue as always. You combine economy of description with a great sense of tension and drama. I can always see what’s going on, so reading your work is effortless. And I loved the touch of her two colleagues inadvertently coming to Breanna’s aid.
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Thanks, Jacquie – it’s a relief that there’s still tension despite the lack of a great deal of physical action!
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Rebekah Pasley and
Barbara Duff are now friends 1 week, 1 day ago
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I’m definitely ready for the meeting with the Therans. I like how you show how Hemal’s inner and outer worlds are different from one another and I laughed at the idea that it’s harder to intimidate the scout as a hologram than it would have been in real life. It’s those details that really make the writing sing. I’m definitely anticipating some answers and reveals!!
There are still a few bits to put in place, Beth, but I’m definitely building up to it! Thanks for the positive comments.
Slow burning tension that’s building towering the big meeting.
I confess I winced at the reference to Britannians not being famed for their reliability (I hate our current government; we’re not all like Johnson I promise).
Lots of lovely details like the holo-com and the translators into the 5 main languages of earth, and that it’s taking place in Brussels. Hugely enjoying this
Sorry for making you wince – I’m taking cheap shots at the government which I also hate. Although hopefully they won’t still be in power at the time this story is set!! Thanks for the positive comments.