I like this a lot. It has a lovely, natural rhythm to it. A suggestion is that you break it up into a more poetic form and/or add more punctuation.
I look over my shoulder
at the trail
heavily trodden and the narrow strip of grass I’ve tended,
like a road reaching back
to another life
(just my 2c worth)

A very deep poem. I love it. Good job.

Hello AV,
I understand why you chose the prose-poem format for this as it is true stream of consciousness. Your argument follows an interesting circular route and I don’t believe stringing it out down the page would help it. My only suggestion would be that you take out the bit inside the brackets – your metaphor for choices being animated is quite clear without further explanation to the reader. The poem’s a challenging read, but very interesting.

Hello, I enjoyed your story. You have some really good bits in here. I think the beginning is really well written. I like the counting of years in the first paragraph: 26, 27, 28. And I like the repetition of it in the second paragraph. This could be continued toward the end too to bring it back to the beginning. I had a bit of confusion in the third paragraph as you have used third person throughout but you say ‘I suppose’, which turns the narrator into first. Just a thought of whether you meant to do this or not.
I like how you take the time to describe the town with purpose – each description feels like its there for a reason and not just for the sake of it. You manage to tell a lot about the character in little sentences such as ‘he hoped that seeing the place he grew up in would trigger something, but it didn’t.’ – you’re really good at not over explaining in your writing.
I had a sense of foreboding around the middle and thought something truly terrible was going to happen at the end so for me, the ending felt like it stopped a little short.
Overall, I really liked your characters, and storytelling. I think your writing was purposeful and intricate. Would be great to see what happened next and why Jack was never seen again…

Wow! Thank you for that thorough analysis. Yeah, there are some perspective issues and that’s because it started out with a much more introspective bent, but I ran out of words. I don’t think it ever would have been some gotcha ending, but I definitely wanted to include more lead-up to the reveal of the car. 1,500 words just weren’t enough to tell this story. I also have to admit that 3/4 was done the night before and there was an absolute minimum of proofing. Will I learn from this? We’ll have to see next month. Now, let’s go find your story to read!

Hi AV
Your poem took me back to my childhood. At that time porcelain pottery was scarce and expensive, so when a pot incidentally broke into two or even three pieces, a professional master could be called who would re-join the pieces. It was not as elegant as in Kintsugi. The pieces would be reconnected by making tiny holes along the break lines and “sewing” them with a wire. Then the “stitches” would be covered by some sort of white clay. Nevertheless, you could always notice that the pot was repaired.
I enjoyed your poem, Thank you for sharing.

Hi
I was attracted by your muse which incidentally, coincidentally visited me too. Your theme of healing crosses physical and metaphysical boundaries. Nicely done. CA

Hello,
The Kintsugi method of porcelain repair has inspired many poets with its metaphor for restoring relationships or mental health. I like your poem and your repetition of ‘again’. It’s thoughtfully written.