haha Free Britney 😆 – yaa – that says everything you need to know about our society….🙄

thoroughly enjoyed this one – so many standout lines ( actually all of them😁 ) – but most liked is : ‘sultry fields of fever’ – I am literally feeling the sweat trickle down my back with this line.

Great work!

Thank you! It was going to be nonsense rhyming. Then I realized that the nonsense was going on all around.

Hello AV
Yes, we all seem to concentrate on the non-essentials of life and ignore the big things which are staring us in the face. Well done for your tongue in cheek poem which takes us to task.

Such a cool piece. Loved it.

oh wow. dark and yummy!
I like this.
Not sure if crepuscule is the right word in that sentence but all else hits the spot for me.
Doing stories in 2nd person isn’t easy but you certainly nailed it.
I liked the title but not so sure about the prompt.

I enjoyed this! At first I got the feeling of some sort of Sisyphean task – but turned out that there was definitely an end as well as a point to the task – dark though it is. Nicely done

Hi AV. I’m not sure why you needed to include a warning of ‘boring’ with this poem. I did not find it to be boring. I read this as someone describing their own personal inner battle, as though they were trying to sort out their emotions. Using the imagery of a storm is a good tool. Well done and thank you for sharing.

A very contemplative poem. I like the short lines and your word choice. I agree with June, using the storm was a good analogy. Well done.

Hallo AV. Hehe, no, this was not boring. I was sad that the poem did not end with a hint of hope, but that is okay because that is what you intended to convey and yes, sometimes journeys do turn out that way, or makes us feel like that at least.

I really liked how you used “Weary road winding behind me” in the first stanza. Placing the weariness on the road rather than the traveler reminds me of how we are sometimes willing to exhaust ourselves in our attempt to get away from a place where we are always exhausted. And sadly it doesn’t always pay off.

The “sudden storm” was a nice portrayal of life’s unexpectancies.

I enjoyed the layers in your poem. In the second stanza it seems like the obvious explanation that the traveler’s back is hurting from the driving rain, but in the next stanza we realise that it must be deeper, as the traveler is wearing armour.
Well done, AV, this poem offers a lot to reflect on. 🙂

Hello AV,
I followed your journey through the storm with interest. Your images are good and not boring. I was a bit confused by the dust in the last verse after so much water. I realise you are not yet satisfied with your poem (what poet ever is?) and perhaps that verse is one to have another look at. Thanks for sharing.

AV – well done I sunk in as the characters were relatable. This was easy to follow and fun to read only critiques are on simple grammatical errors and descriptions – I throughly enjoyed it! Feel free to give me some feedback on my June submission- thanks! – Matt

Hi AV
An enjoyable read, I like that there is a moral and a lesson to be learned. Things wound up pretty quick once the sticky note was read, nice coverage of that. Yes also only grammar corrections, probably just missed them.
I like the first half detailing and then the dialogue comes in nice chunks.

I enjoyed the inside mind dialogue they had with themselves, fitted in well with the ending and true confessions. nice!

Thanks Matt for taking time to read and comment. Sorry I didn’t get to read your June submission, I know its late but I will do it.