• AV Harris started taking the course 52 Scenes | 2022 1 week, 1 day ago

  • You can’t have light without dark. Light gets all the good press!

  • My confidence in the allure of light fadesLike a bolt of lightning, burning an after-imageThrough closed eyes, into my brainWhere the colors of memory dimLight plays and bounces off the black waterAn answer to the […]

    • Oh I like this a lot. It leaves you with a lot of questions… if this is not my beacon, what is? Is there a beacon that I’m missing?

      I like the way you’ve played with words and the idea of light. And the ‘pointed precision’ of the light. Thanks for sharing your piece.

    • Hello AV,
      I like the individual images of different sorts of light you have conjured up. Well done with the poem.

    • HI AV, I am wondering: if all the light you describe is not my beacon, then what is? It could be very powerful to write a second poem about the nature of that beacon. But that is just a reader’s wishful thinking 😉 I like the descriptions of the light and how the light moves, you create some very powerful images. I like how the light is playful and yet can shine with precision into the chasm where our dread and fears reside. Thank goodness it can do that…Well done!

  • Not that I was thinking of more, but I’m sure he is swamped by the mob and dismembered with just the echo of words ringing in the air. Words might be the only defense I have, but we live in times where the deaf greatly outnumber the people who are affected by them.

  • You did a good job of weaving the story of her jog and recent events. That really moved the action forward. My only suggestion would be to be careful of over-flowery descriptions like “As the sun smudged the sky in burnt orange” which, while it reads well, doesn’t have much to do with the action that is taking place.

  • Thanks. 1,500 words just weren’t enough to do this properly. When I started cutting, a lot of the character subtext was lost. I imagined this like going to a high school reunion where you have hose who moved on and those stuck in an adolescent frame of mind. There was also supposed to be a lot more doubt in Jack’s mind as he almost envies Jack…[Read more]

  • Very nice. I like the way you made your point within the story and avoided sounding preachy.

  • I stand alone, rooted in place like the boulders strewn across the barren landscape fronting the gate. Chosen. No, selected as the last one willing to face the coming barrage, that I knew was coming. The rest, who […]

    • Very atmospheric! Built a wonderful level of threat without establishing too much detail – allowing my mind to imagine all sorts of scenarios.

      Words, well used.

      Thanks for sharing.

    • This is very intriguing. You have really built an eerie mood that draws the reader in. I wonder where it will lead.

    • Hi! I enjoyed your prose, with phrases like “fell into a heap of bones” and “Caves that conveniently let in too little light and let out too much noise” really setting up an ominous atmosphere. Take care.

    • You have built the tension and sense of impending doom well. Now I want to know how he uses his words to turn the tide of aggression. You have created a character of erudite talents. I have no doubt that he will prevail.

      • Not that I was thinking of more, but I’m sure he is swamped by the mob and dismembered with just the echo of words ringing in the air. Words might be the only defense I have, but we live in times where the deaf greatly outnumber the people who are affected by them.

  • Sorry about that. Monty Python made me do it.

  • I couldn’t really tell, but I got better!

  • I’m not sure, but I think it turned me into a newt.

  • Good suggestion. It was a meta lark thing!

  • Lol, I only wish I was 43! This flowed nicely and was very readable. My only suggestion would be to look for some internal rhymes to make it even tighter.

  • Very good visuals to tie together awful episodes.

  • Thank you for reading. I’m glad you liked it,

  • It started out that way, but as the words spilled out, I thought that doing it in prose as a stream of consciousness was the best way because that’s how these kinds of things come to me. The idea of line breaks didn’t do justice to the torrent that inspired it.

    I appreciate your comment and the fact you read it in the first place!

  • I look over my shoulder at the trail heavily trodden and the narrow strip of grass I’ve tended, like a road reaching back to another life. A road  winding between the introspective, selfish, closed, […]

    • I like this a lot. It has a lovely, natural rhythm to it. A suggestion is that you break it up into a more poetic form and/or add more punctuation.
      I look over my shoulder
      at the trail
      heavily trodden and the narrow strip of grass I’ve tended,
      like a road reaching back
      to another life
      (just my 2c worth)

      • It started out that way, but as the words spilled out, I thought that doing it in prose as a stream of consciousness was the best way because that’s how these kinds of things come to me. The idea of line breaks didn’t do justice to the torrent that inspired it.

        I appreciate your comment and the fact you read it in the first place!

    • A very deep poem. I love it. Good job.

    • Hello AV,
      I understand why you chose the prose-poem format for this as it is true stream of consciousness. Your argument follows an interesting circular route and I don’t believe stringing it out down the page would help it. My only suggestion would be that you take out the bit inside the brackets – your metaphor for choices being animated is quite clear without further explanation to the reader. The poem’s a challenging read, but very interesting.

  • I really like the way you used the paint on the table and the odor in the clothes to parallel her feelings. I also liked the way you built up the level of desperation. There were only a few odd sentences, but I’m sure another day to proof would solve that. Overall, a very good telling of a tale that could have been cliché.

  • LOL. Look above for my reply. This interface is confusing.

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AV Harris

Profile picture of AV Harris

@avh-hawaiigmail-com

Active 19 hours, 9 minutes ago
Short Story : 8
Poetry : 8
WTC : 4
52 Scenes : 0
Dialogue : 0
Flash Fiction : 0