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  • Hi Deryn,

    Oh I like Duncan way better than Laszlo. Please don’t make him a bad guy! Hehe. This story is beginning to shape out quite nicely already. The corporate rivalry, the sleazy Laszlo, the charming Duncan and a self-respecting protagonist, this story has everything. You, my friend, are a word wizard!
    Love,
    Anne

  • Hi Mary,
    Oh you made my heart ache for the MC with your perfect depiction of her situation. The confusion, the fear, the wonder at whether to grieve the loss or rejoice at the end of abuse is portrayed so well! I did find some inconsistencies with the first and third person usage when it comes to the descriptions, but that’s nothing you can’t…[Read more]

  • Raiders of the Lost Pokémon by Anne Chowdhury

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    He keeps his eyes locked on the hand as it lifts up above his head, the sunlight glinting off the brass knuckles rendering him sightless for a split second. […]

    • Hehe Anne this is another cracking scene – you are SOOOO good at this. No criticisms whatsoever, not even spelling, grammar or punctuation. Dang.

    • Oh nice. At first I wasn’t sure where I was, rather change n scene was so complete, but soon enough I got it. Great drama. See you next week. 😎

    • Hello Anne, dialogue is one of your strengths! Very well done, Blaine and Blondie.
      Thank you for sharing. Enjoy the day, Carolyn

    • Anne,
      I enjoyed your use of dialogue in the story. To keep the audience engaged and the pace moving. Thank you for sharing!

    • I am enjoying following your scenes. It is easy to follow with your good dialogue. The dialogue oves the story along with out too many He said…She said. Well done, Anne. Keep it up.

    • Hello Anne,
      I love your second scene – after reading your first scene last week, I’m delighted that the questions I had as a reader are answered in this one! This is what keeps me turning the pages! I enjoy the banter between the two males, and it shows their different personalities. I like the way you bookended the scene with tension on both sides. I’m looking forward to next week!

  • Hi Monica,

    I find the dynamic between Kimo and Mrs. Callahan’s relationship intriguing. The way you hinted at their past without telling the whole backstory was a great introduction to the story. The dialogue makes me wonder though … which time are we at? It feels more like the 60’s or the 70’s to me. You’ve definitely got me interested. I’m…[Read more]

  • Hi Mary,

    Wow! What a way to start this journey! I love historical fiction. So I was saving your story to read when I could savor it. I liked that despite being in a historical setting your MC doesn’t come off as a damsel in distress. She’s quick-witted and knows to stand up for herself. I like her already.

    Your style of writing is great too. The…[Read more]

  • Anne and Profile picture of NsbninaNsbnina are now friends 1 week, 3 days ago

  • Hi Deryn,

    I finally found time to sit down and enjoy this story with the attention it deserves. What a great beginning, my friend! I like Fran already. You paint such a pretty picture of the setting with your words that I find myself wishing I could travel there as well. I’m not a fan of Laszlo, but I do like that despite his obvious attraction…[Read more]

  • Hi Carolyn,

    I like Tessa already. How can I not when she’s a fan of Indiana Jones? 😀

    The way you slowly revealed the whole picture of why she’s had to shut down the business and the changes in her feelings throughout the events was great. I do agree with Becky about the continuity, but I’m sure once you sit down to edit it, you’ll find the…[Read more]

  • Hi Nina,

    Oh you captured her feelings so wonderfully with your writing! I feel like you filled my heart with hopes for better days for the MC with the almost peaceful ending of the chapter. Great start! I can’t wait to see where you take us. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  • Hi Becky,

    This was a great way to introduce the story and tie it in with the title. I have so many questions about what might the inheritance be … could it be the bucket list itself? Haha. My brain seems to go into overdrive when intrigued. So kudos! You definitely managed to spark the intrigue with your words in here. Can’t wait to see where…[Read more]

  • Hi Eva,

    Oh you aced the descriptive part of the story. Well done! Also, great job in building Evie’s character. She is such a relatable MC! The way you built up the tempo of the scene was great too. Overall, an awesome beginning to this new challenge. I can’t wait to see where you take us. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

  • Anne changed their profile picture 1 week, 6 days ago

  • Stepping out of the subway station, Julia inhales deeply, welcoming the air sans the stench of body odor into her lungs.“Move it, Blondie!” a harsh voice snaps from behind her before elbowing her out of the way […]

    • Woman…you made it!!! Have been scouring waiting for your story, but what did I expect…08h00 in SA – CLOSING time!!! Phew! Well done!

      As usual your dialogue interactions are so on point, relatable, realistic – you have a real ear for voices.

      I don’t think you failed at the scene thing…maybe you could have left us with Julia scooping up Pikachu (does he have a RED hat, maybe??!!) and the Blaine/Hispanic baddie lines are the beginning of scene 2 (I hope you don’t spill Blaine’s RED blood too soon…) As usual, you have me hooked…

      Dx

    • Hello Anne,
      Thank you for sharing. What a great start, hook, action and dialogue all kept me reading eagerly and with interest. I laughed at the change in mood from snarly to inviting, a ploy I have tried when the day gets off to a bad start. I am sad to see Blaine gone from the story so soon – you were able to show me his character in just a few lines, well done!
      Lookign forward to next week, Enjoy the day, Carolyn

    • Anne,
      This sounds like a scene to me, or maybe a scene plus the start of the next. Well done! I love how you took such a small, ordinary moment and created a detailed story out of it. Readers have a setting and characters to follow. The encounter at the coffee shop was nicely defused, it could have ended with both parties more upset than when they started. I enjoyed this twist.

    • I liked how much you let the reader know about your MC without telling us and the interaction between her and the rude man – nice way to sneak that in without actual backstory – was well done. But I loved how you turned all that cuteness around with the intrigue hinted at in the ending mini-scene.

    • Hi Anne – i agree with the others, you have written a scene (plus a little bit of the next scene). I think you could have finished at ready to face her day. Then that entire scene is about Julia. Then the next scene is about Blaine. You captured the key points of a scene; conflict/change, an emotional shift, a hook for the next scene and a sense of location and character. Great use of dialogue, cutting in and out, brevity and reveals on each of their personalities. Looking forward to reading more.

    • Hello, Anne! I am not very good at judging writing techniques or compliance to theories. From my reader’s point of view, I can only say, very well done indeed! It starts out like a rom com, but when I relax into that knowledge, the story takes a turn towards something completely different. I am quite sure you’ll be able to save Blaine and I can’t wait to find out how exactly you will do that

    • Hi Anne, 
      I was hooked on your scene from the get-go! I enjoyed the green hair lady-lover! It set the perfect tone for the voice of your MC. The banter back and forth between Blaine and Julia also does an excellent job of showing up personalities. You have a good solid beginning suspense scene. You give the reader a glimpse of what’s ahead without revealing too much. The only suggestion I might have is maybe make some clutter on Blaine’s coffee table after he leaves. I had a hard time imagining that something as crucial as a flash drive being left behind if it was the sole object on the table. Perhaps it could have fallen to the floor. Oh, and I loved the wordplay of the title!
       I am looking forward to reading more!

    • Hi Anne:

      Snappy dialogue, well paced, and clear setting. I like the way you wrote the banter between the rude man and Julia. I thought this might be a Rom Com (the beginning has a tight “meet cute” to it) but was pleasantly surprised at the cliff hanger. Oh boy. Our Julia is in for a world of trouble, isn’t she? Well written and described. Looking forward to reading more!

    • I like the humor in your scene – the dialog, and “Pikachu, where are you?” 🙂

      I wonder what you meant by your failed miserably in the scene format? You meant you had a scene break towards the end? I don’t think you failed at all as it was an engaging start.

    • Enjoyed getting to know your characters. You are very good at showing and not telling. You had a subtle way of getting to the prompt – the other man is PACKING a gun. I wasn’t sure about the last statement. If someone had a gun to your head, I think they would be thinking about dying, maybe not about finding a missing item. You have a wonderful start and I look forward to following its progress.

  • Hi Charles,

    Aww it’s so good to read your signature humor once again. i’ll admit the mention of the virus made me miss “Bob”. Those stories used to be a constant source of comfort for me at the beginning of this pandemic. Thank you for sharing your humorous take on the prompts with us all.

    Wish you and your family a happy and healthy holiday…[Read more]

  • Hi Stevie,

    Wow. You wrote this in the eleventh hour? HOW?? This was amazingly done. The beginning, the realism of the storyline, the subtle hint of what’s to come and the execution of it all was just perfect.
    You’ve definitely got a new reader in me. I look forward to reading more from you.
    Have a happy and healthy holiday season!

    Best,

    Ane

  • Hi Maria,

    I don’t know how you do it, my friend, but you got me yet again! I thought I kind of understand your story plotting by now, but you never fail to surprise me. I did think this might be an alien formula, however, the taking over plot twist didn’t even occur to me! What a scary thought this is but sadly, hits close to home about how…[Read more]

  • Anne commented on the post, Hyped by Seyi 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Hi Seyi,

    I absolutely loved this one! And this line will go down in my all time favorite literary quotes for sure!

    At home, the family treated me as if I was an egg that could read and write.

    Hehe. I’ll be honest and admit that this has felt like a bit of a homecoming for you, my friend. In the last few months, you’ve ventured out of your…[Read more]

  • Wowza! Ismail, you are a master of curveballs! This was an unexpected turn of events indeed. Was that some kind of alien honey? Is his possibly being something supernatural the reason behind the boys’ abilities? And why did he refer to his wife as a “butterfly”? Is that a clue to his origin? As you might’ve guessed, my head is buzzing with…[Read more]

  • Deryn, my friend,

    Please be honest. You sneaked into my daydreams and saw me building fantastical sandcastles while my blank word doc stared back at me, didn’t you?

    I think this has been one of the few instances when a MC has been so relatable to me. Although a part of me was sad when it all turned out to be a dream (I kind of guessed when she…[Read more]

  • Hi Jane,

    Wow. This has been quite a ride, hasn’t it? I’ve enjoyed it immensely. The storyline is so unique and the twist in the end …. albeit a little sad (I mean Earth failed! How sad is that?) seems like just the ending this story deserved. I agree with Maria that I’d have loved the “Being” deliver some of the dialogue than just gloss over…[Read more]

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