• Reine and Profile picture of AnaAna are now friends 2 days, 20 hours ago

  • Thank you so so much Sharmayne!!!

  • I told Father about you today.I had been ruminating on it all afternoon at work and when I returned home and was walking down the narrow corridor, I almost relinquished. Father was dozing off, on the musty sofa, […]

    • Wow Ana. This is one of the most beautifully-written pieces I’ve read. The story itself unfolded delicately and elegantly, and it told through her inner monologue is very effective. Well done on an excellent piece

    • Wow! This is haunting, disturbing,beautiful, touching, bone chilling yet with a beating heart. I love the dreamy way you write, strangely hypnotic and quite quite poetic .

    • Hi Ana,
      One more story, once more I am awed! Your stories are definitely not for the meek, they are for the strong willed, passionate readers. I love how free the emotions flow in your characters. I loved your MC, her monologues, a gradual delineation of her obsession for this man…so much so, that it drives her to commit murder. The weird part was that I could totally relate to her madness. I just wanted to understand one thing though? It appeared like she’s delusion and is obsessed with this man. Is it all her imagination that he is in love with her too? And her mental instability leads her to kill the man’s wife?
      Also, she hears him on the radio. Is he a radio jockey? Blame my ignorance, I would be really happy if you could explain.
      I loved the ending. It was screwy, and amusing at the same time. Another awesome story! Thank you for sharing!

  • Haha, thanks Duane, I’m honored. I do come from poetry, so I guess it shows. I entered the challenge to improve my narrative skills. Looking forward to what the next prompt brings, and to reading your next submission! Thanks for your nice words!

  • Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment, Jes, and specially for your kind words!

  • Hi Babette,
    I enjoyed this a lot, the inner dialogues are so natural and realistic that I had to laugh when recognizing some trains of thought “She hated the damn dress. She wished she had the same one. She would look awful in it though.” The entire piece is excellent, the way you jump from Susan to Fiona comes naturally and the subtlety of the…[Read more]

  • Ana and Profile picture of DuaneDuane are now friends 2 weeks, 1 day ago

  • Hi Sharmayne,
    very clever mix of intrigue and comedy, I love the natural flow of the dialogues, you can hear them talking. It’s written with such ease, and I find dialogues so hard, really well done. I can’t believe you wrote this in a day. Remarkable.

  • Hi Duane,
    a beautiful yet sad read, and a thorough character study I quickly devoured. Very mature voice, great tempo, great choice of words and cliffhangers, remarkable for a drama. I’ll gladly keep you on my radar, congrats for a fine work.

  • This was so funny and satisfying. ‘Chick-flick’, that is, but you dismantled the bad rep of it as a minor genre with a piece that’s psychologically insightful, every sentence full of spice and bile, I laughed my ass off, good job 🙂

  • Dear Elaine,
    what a great story, so full of tension. Your style is straight and full of nuances, you sound like a very mature writer, specially in the dialogues, I loved this bit: “Natural causes.” He hurries on, “He drank heavily. Very free with his fists. Nearly killed her once. It was touch and go for a while.”

    I also enjoyed how you ins…[Read more]

  • Hi Bonnie,
    I was drawned to your piece by its title and I found this clever, insightful depiction of the alcoholic brain and all its dirty tricks, for me personally so close to home, that I had to shed a couple of tears at some parts; it reflects such deep knowledge of the subject “The ache that he lived with never left no matter his state (…)”…[Read more]

  • I loved this one. Very clever writing. I like the very effective way you present a character with few words:
    “Marco grunted, thinking of his wife, who had yelled at him this morning for forgetting to buy milk.”
    “said the bellboy, pretending indifference”
    “said Fredrico, but he felt a pain in his heart”
    They all present the characters as…[Read more]

  • Dear Amrita,
    you got me with the gore warning – a genre I wasn’t expecting from you, and you nailed it. You just keep getting better and better, and have the talent of creating addiction. The athmosphere, the ravens, the ghoonghat, the dialogues, the fog, it all builds up the tension to a glorious ending, and done with such ease, it comes…[Read more]

  • Hi Jes,
    I had fun with your crime mystery, and like others I also felt it plays out like a movie scene. A bit over-explanation of the main character at some points (“People wouldn’t recognize a celebrity”- it sounds a bit forced that a celebrity calls herself one, and that bit of information is easy to grasp later on in the story;
    “but I did m…[Read more]

  • Oh, Amrita, your words of support give me so much energy to continue the work. I know this challenge is also about learning to give/receive criticism, but heck, I love compliments. I worked so hard on this imperfect piece that I need a bit of respite, in the form of a positive comment or two, haha… We keep on practicing, we keep on working and…[Read more]

  • Thank you Becky. I really struggled with this one, and the character’s motivations lack clarity. Still working on it. Thanks a lot for reading!

  • Excellent as usual, Bob. So cinematic. It reminds me to the latest Eastwood films. An insane sense of pace and punchy comebacks, it seems like you’re at home in the genre. Always enjoyable, well done.

  • In the small farmland town, the villagers are gasping for air. Teenagers throw anxious glimpses at their bedroom doors before pressing the play button on their phones. School teachers pull down their trousers; […]

    • Becky replied 1 month ago

      This was intense, following along with Olvido’s journey and emotions. I felt that the heat/her heat was putting her in a dream-like trance, but I’m not sure where it was coming from: Boredom/apathy with life? A medical issue with her stomach? Something more? But, wow, well done. Thanks for sharing!

      • Thank you Becky. I really struggled with this one, and the character’s motivations lack clarity. Still working on it. Thanks a lot for reading!

    • Hi Ana,
      I am an admitted fan of your writing. I always look forward to your stories, and I am so excited to see such a fresh story in the beginning of the year. I loved the intensity, the sensuality and emotions you evoke with your words. You have a way with words – it comes alive before the eyes like a cinematic sequence. Your characters are so real and believable. Olvido was a pleasure to know. I also love the fact that you intersperse the dark face of the world, the societies that we reside in, through a rich tapestry of narrative, plot structure, language, character and imageries. For instance, here Olvido being a woman is called a ‘slut’ for her dalliances, which is usually so in case of a woman. But a man, in most cases, has it easy. Such an intense masterpiece! A pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing!

      • Oh, Amrita, your words of support give me so much energy to continue the work. I know this challenge is also about learning to give/receive criticism, but heck, I love compliments. I worked so hard on this imperfect piece that I need a bit of respite, in the form of a positive comment or two, haha… We keep on practicing, we keep on working and hopefully improving! I’m reading yours ASAP! X

    • Hi, sorry it took me a few days to read your story. Overall I liked it. I liked the pacing. It starts out slow and then I had to keep reading till the end! I liked it. Your descriptions were great. One of my favorite lines were

      “Every inch of limestone along the pavement reflects the sun like snow.”

      There were more lines but I didn’t want to choose a sexy line lol. Keep writing!!

      • Thanks so much for taking the time to read and comment, Jes, and specially for your kind words!

    • Dear Ana, I’ll admit that the genre ‘Erotic drama’ raised an eyebrow, but this was quite the pleasure to read. I always find myself drawn to characters who are complex while unabashedly being themselves, right up until the moment that they have to confront that reflection.

      Your word choice also gave the impression of reading poetry, whether in a turn of phrase or your imagery and setting descriptions. And finally, I loved how you managed to keep laying twist upon twist up until the very end. Twas a pleasure to make your acquaintance milady. Will definitely look out or your work. Thanks for sharing.

      • Haha, thanks Duane, I’m honored. I do come from poetry, so I guess it shows. I entered the challenge to improve my narrative skills. Looking forward to what the next prompt brings, and to reading your next submission! Thanks for your nice words!

    • Wow Ana, you can really write characters. This was mesmerising. It was raw and honest and compelling. Congratulations.

  • Hi Beth,
    thanks a lot for your kind comment.
    My apology is based on the fact that I believe humanity needs a bit more happiness and less darkness, but I guess you cannot force yourself, as an author, to choose a specific subject, as we’re drawn to those that awaken something inside of us that we need to let out. The fact that you don’t find it…[Read more]

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Ana

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