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  • Anne commented on the post, Scene 20 by Chantel Barton 1 day ago

    You have a knack of creating such lovely and unusual descriptions of your characters and the effects their emotions have on them. Your word imagery is like reading a beautiful poem. Great job!

  • It’s interesting that it seems as if everything is working out for each characters, problems seem to be wrapping up – yet its early in the story so I’m holding my breath for the next complication – with a bit of worry because I’ve come to like and understand each of them!

  • Great world building and build up for the next scene. I can’t wait to see what happens as the candidates are ushered in and tested!

  • Being chosen is a very important feeling for children. I love how you use thus universal feeling to explore social and political themes. Very entertaining for such heavy subjects!

  • Beth was awake long before 6 a.m.  She lay under the heavy quilts watching the dark night slowly bleed away into the brilliant oranges and reds of the autumn dawn.  She was waiting for the phone to ring.

    All of h […]

    • Hi Anne
      How you have me wondering with poor Macey Kate! haha. You’ve spun such splendid intrigue in an easy-reading story. This is one of those books that I could probably finish in one sitting. When I say I can’t wait for next week, I really mean it. Your characters are three-dimensional, and you don’t pound on one side of the picture. I appreciate that you show how multi-faceted every person is. I love what you’re doing so far! xxx

    • This is a very enjoyable scene to read. I can see that you’re taking your writing to the next level by your use of descriptive language in the first two paragraphs. Beth is starting to gain a sense of who she is and you used Dylan well to make your reader wonder about Macey Kate. Well written.

    • Easy reading, easy flow.
      Perhaps relook the hollow pit in the stomach that has waves churning in it – it feels mixed metaphor-ish.
      At the end, it becomes a hollow heart. Could do with some tightening up and it ONLY stands out because the rest of your writing is so slick.

  • Great scene – things are moving forward with the new info from the vendor and the job security. As always, the inner dialog is witty and fun to read. Great work!

  • As always you have such heartfelt connections to how children view their world. In this scene I loved the “triple tears” and Afrikan language always sounding angry. What a clever way to punish the girl – by directing her to work on something productive – in this case her running.

  • I loved the description of how Tom’s smile made Fliss feel and then I was instantly plunged into the emotional roller coaster of how Fliss was so physically affected by the touch of that gold ring. Very engaging scene that showed depth of Fliss ‘s character. Great scene!

  • I am so curious as to how everything is going to play out for this family. As a children’s minister I am cringing at Diana’s pushiness! Stephs struggle to decide on the next step for her future is very real. Great scene!

  • “Have you run intervals before?”  Winston was sitting on the grass with one leg bent into the other straight leg, reaching for the toes of the straight leg.  Beth watched as he went through his warm-up routi […]

    • Hi Anne
      Showing how Winston has basically the same expectations of Beth and himself as everyone else does is so interesting, and it adds to his character. I also like how you use it as a catalyst for Beth to properly decide that who she is isn’t dependent on what other people think and see, whoever they are. This also is so telling of the town as a whole, and how everyone has been conditioned to think of each other and themselves, in a way. I so curious about what Macey Kate knows that Beth doesn’t. You’re really doing an excellent job at keeping up the intrigue. Very well done xxx

    • I enjoyed reading this scene. It flowed naturally. I like Winston, even more now because he is so realistic. Beth is lucky to count him as a friend – but I do fear for her if her grandfather finds out that she is defying him. I’m very curious about Macey Kate’s state of mind too. Good writing.

    • I agree with Bev, this flows very comfortably. You are building up a special intimacy, very subtly and make the reader want to keep turning the pages to see how the various conflicts are resolved.

  • It was surprised to learn that “shadows” is a normal part of society and makes me very curious about the character of Nathan and how he might fit into all of this. Right now I can’t tell if he is going to be a “good” guy or a “bad” guy. This scene ended with a lot of dangling questions. I’m excited to read more. Well done!

  • I’ll be curious to see how Mark crosses Kelly’s path again in London! I think it’s nice – and rare – that Anthony and Johan have a friendship where they can open up and tell what is really going on in their lives and talk about the importance of attending church. It will be interesting to see if Anthony follows any of Johan’s suggestions when he…[Read more]

  • A beautiful scene! Again, you have captured the essence of childhood in their game of make-believe with designing the houses and the future fantasies – as a child we did the designing with piles of leaves we raked into lines to be the walls of our houses and mansions. And after you gave the glimpse of childhood, you had a fantastic transition…[Read more]

  • I always enjoy Mikki’s internal dialogue and the clues she drops to her personality. In this scene I particularly liked your physical description of the library and the air of a secret world not available to the general public. The vivid description makes me wonder if you will return to this setting in an action sequence – something hiding in…[Read more]

  • Beth stifled a yawn and looked at the clock for the hundredth time.  The second hand made a slow revolution around the face as one more minute crept by.  Four minutes to go in detention.

    She flipped through the p […]

    • This scene flows very well. Beth’s character is well established, and it’s interesting to see Macey Kate now having an identity crisis. The way you hint at scandal every now and then is clever and keeps me reading. You have added complications that are realistic. I look forward to seeing how this plays out.

    • Fabulous scene. Beth is growing as a character and I love the small conflicts that pepper her life, showing the complexity of what’s around her. I’m dying to see where the Winston thing goes. Coming from an historically wickedly divided country, racially, I can so relate to her anxieties about friendships outside of whiteness.
      You are very good at having several conflicts on the go at once, without losing track of any of them, or having them be distracting.
      I don’t get ‘Ole Miss’ but will Google it.

    • Hi Anne
      I’m enjoying seeing Beth’s character unfold and grow so much. The little conflicts and revelations you bring into this scene are brilliant, and each scene is certainly becoming more and more intriguing. As always, I can’t wait for the next one. Well done xxx

  • You have painted such lovely descriptions of the relationships of the characters. This scene was a beautifully woven glimpse at their feelings for one another. Great job!

  • Great scene. You brought back so many childhood memories and connections. I love that Tim did mot go through with the dare. I like him too.

  • I love the tension you build between the two characters. I look forward to seeing their relationship grow. Great ending line for the scene. Well done!

  • I think it is very interesting how you have brought some discomfort with church into your scenes – first with the overbearing woman at lunch and now as Chris’s cover for his infidelity. It adds a new layer to the whole story. Well written ! Another enjoyable read! Thank you!

  • Beth strode into the school office and handed her permission form for the Curb Club to Mrs. Williams.  The secretary accepted the form without looking up.

    “Thank you,” she scanned the form to find the name, “Bet […]

    • Hi Anne
      I love how the rest of the world is opening up in Beth’s eyes, and I love how her just being herself is proving to be the thing that gets her what she wants. Also, how it’s showing her what she really wants vs what she thinks she wants. As little as a thing like detention is, this was a heartbreaking read. You capture the bigness of these events for someone her age so very well. I really hope to see a real win for her. Well done.

    • Ah, I’m disappointed for Beth! She was doing so well. I think she should attend the photo shoot and risk double detention.

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Anne

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