• Thank you very much for your comments and your suggestions for improving my writing.

  • That was a great story with a surprising twist in the end which I didn’t expect. Thanks for sharing.

  • Luke and Beth, nature lovers and seasoned climbers, stood at the top of the mountain and breathed in deeply, enjoying the beautiful views.

    “It was definitely worth the climb.” Luke looked around app […]

    • And what will become of Grace and her protectors?
      The word limits don’t allow for much drawing out the moment. A slipping of the rope as they near the top. A breeze causing a swinging. Can’t make it too easy even if they are experienced climbers. That’s why they had climbing gear with them, right?

    • This is a heartwarmer. It made me want to know what would happen to them next. I hope you’ll consider expanding this piece.

  • Hi there, Carolyn, I greatly enjoyed reading your story, especially as I live in Cyprus and could relate. However, I think that Independence was some time in 1959/1960? That said, the story was well written and I liked the descriptions of the mountain villages. Sadly, many of those villages are now dying out, as the younger generation has moved to…[Read more]

  • That was a good story, Jennifer. You’re right that it needs some work, but the storyline was good and I found myself reading with interest. There were a few questions that were left unanswered, like did they actually pick up the shoe, but all in all a good read.

  • That was a great story, Estelle, I wondered what was going on throughout. Well done for keeping me guessing until the end, I’ve never been able to do this. Thank you for sharing and keep well.

  • Thank you all for taking the time to read my story and for your constructive feedback. I’m afraid I procrastinated for too long this month and only just managed to make the deadline for submitting my story. I know that’s not an excuse for bad writing, and I will strive to improve in future prompts. Thank you again and wishing you all well in these…[Read more]

  • What a lovely, light-hearted story, just what we need in these days of uncertainty. I loved your story, Debbie, I liked your use of the prompt and the fact that it was mostly set in a cafe. The message in your writing could apply to many a writer, and I liked the happy ending. Just one small observation: Should it be ‘lightning’ and not…[Read more]

  • That was a great story, Duane, that I really enjoyed reading. I liked the way you used the prompt and that you incorporated the current Coronavirus in your story, and also the description of the boat capsizing at the beginning of the story which was very real until I realized the protagonist was having a nightmare. Excellent work.

  • It had been a long night but at last, the clock showed one in the morning and the shift was over. Carla Russo signed off the system, took off her headphones and stretched her arms out, relieved it was time to go […]

    • Hi Athina,
      I always enjoy a story with a happy ending. Soppy me. You portrayed well that there is a soul mate for everyone when you are open to the opportunities.
      It read well except for one paragraph when Carla met the family in the living room. I had to read it twice to understand. I would maybe have cut back on detail – this is where I think we should learn to show more than tell. I am also in that learning curve.
      Your story was warm and true and so much of what is real life can be seen through it.
      Thanks for sharing.
      Stay safe in this time of uncertainty and keep writing.
      Estelle

    • Lovely story about pain and redemption. I liked Carla because she did what she needed to do – get away from her situaltion which was toxic. That takes strength. The gradual relationship that grows between Carla and James is well written. I could see the relationship building slowly over time.

      Don’t use, “Hey, Carla, what are you doing?” It makes the dialog sound unnatural. You can use it sometimes, but just not quite as much. Once you develop a back and forth in a diaglog, you know who is speaking, especially when the dialog is between two people.

      Keep writing.

    • Hi Athena.

      Yours is a lovely story. I enjoyed reading it and found nothing in it distracting other than I agree with Jennifer that Carla and Judith’s dialog felt unnatural, as we don’t often continue to use each other’s names when talking to friends.

      What I found fabulous in your story is the way you so seamlessly transitioned from the initial meeting of Carla and James to the future where they’re in a relationship. Well done. I also very much liked the pacing of your story. I did find it odd they’d have tea late at night, but maybe it’s a cultural thing. Here in the US, we’d be having a beer.

      I also liked the messages of acceptance and forgiveness. Keep on writing, you!

    • I enjoyed your story very much. Foregoveness is such a huge part of the healing process! I was pulled into the story from the start and engaged to the end.

      Th only advice I would offer is something that was given to me, and that is watch carefully how often you use the character’s names in dialog.

      It’s been a long day for you, Carla.” … sounds natural but to continue using their given names:

      “You know I don’t mind, Judith,” …
      “You’ve got a kind heart, Carla,” …..
      “I’m fine, Judith,” …
      “Is that really enough, Carla? …

      is not what happens in average conversation. I felt that tip helped me improve my dialog, so I thought I’d share it.

      Thanks for a lovely story. You touched my heart. What a nice couple!

    • Thank you all for taking the time to read my story and for your constructive feedback. I’m afraid I procrastinated for too long this month and only just managed to make the deadline for submitting my story. I know that’s not an excuse for bad writing, and I will strive to improve in future prompts. Thank you again and wishing you all well in these uncertain times.

    • Hi Athina
      This is such a beautiful story, and at the end, I could feel Carla’s tension for finally facing the people who hurt her so badly. You made that aspect so believable, and I’d find it difficult too. Making the reader think about what they would do in the character’s situation is one of the marks of a good story. Estelle did touch on the ‘show-don’t-tell’ rule that lurks in the corners of our writing space like an angry nun. It is something that needs attention, and at this time, with this word count, I understand it’s difficult to focus on it. I will say, however, one place where it would have been beautiful for you to show would be where James touches her face to get to know her looks. I think that’s your worst missed opportunity in this story. There was also some redundancy, in the line: “she didn’t know why she was pointing because the man couldn’t see her car.” You could have just said “she didn’t know why she was pointing”. We already know that he couldn’t see her car. Overall, this is a lovely piece and left me feeling happy for reading it. Well done xxx

    • Hey Athina, this was touching interpretation of the prompt. I appreciated how, in spite of the various setbacks Carla and James each experienced, they weren’t portrayed as entitled or wallowing in self pity, but tried to live and meet those challenges with positivity. Your grounding their relationship in a shared and realistic issue, being “… on a waiting list for something you wanted badly.” helped make them relatable and their future interactions natural as they transitioned from friends to ‘an item’.

      Having read your response above about how the story was written at the last minute, my only recommendation would be that even if you’re running late, still have someone on call to review and advise on how to edit the final draft. I’m guilty of the procrastination myself, but I’ve found that having an extra reader you can trust helps you catch little things you might miss. Thanks again for sharing. ^_^

    • Beautiful story Athina. You build your characters well and the message of the story about facing things is wonderful and that the forgiveness is more for yourself than them.

      Well done.

    • Thank you very much for your comments and your suggestions for improving my writing.

  • I didn’t notice that the genre was ‘thriller’ so the ending was completely unexpected for me. I had to read the last paragraph twice, to make sure I’d read it correctly! Well done.

  • That was an interesting story, and I’m also wondering what was in that cookie the protagonist ate, which suddenly made everything seem better. I also couldn’t help wondering exactly what she would find on the island. Thank you for sharing.

  • Hi, Katy, I really enjoyed reading your story and I felt you were lucky that your parents paid for your expenses so that you wouldn’t have to study and work at the same time. I know from experience that once you start working, it’s very difficult, after a full day’s work, to get your brain into gear for studying. Thank you for sharing.

  • Panagiotis and Profile picture of Athina AntoniouAthina Antoniou are now friends 1 month ago

  • That was a good story, very well written, and I liked the environmental message in it, that humans should stop taking land that belongs to the animals. You developed your characters very well and I liked the clever use of the prompt. Thank you for sharing.

  • Wow, that was a great story and told in a convincing way. A bit confusing in the beginning, but it soon became clear. Thank you for sharing.

  • Hi there, Kali, I enjoyed reading your story and finding out more about Isla. You described the places very well and kept up the tension throughout. Thank you for sharing.

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Athina Antoniou

Profile picture of Athina Antoniou

@aantoniou

active 6 hours, 51 minutes ago