And what will become of Grace and her protectors?
The word limits don’t allow for much drawing out the moment. A slipping of the rope as they near the top. A breeze causing a swinging. Can’t make it too easy even if they are experienced climbers. That’s why they had climbing gear with them, right?

This is a heartwarmer. It made me want to know what would happen to them next. I hope you’ll consider expanding this piece.

Hi Athina,
I always enjoy a story with a happy ending. Soppy me. You portrayed well that there is a soul mate for everyone when you are open to the opportunities.
It read well except for one paragraph when Carla met the family in the living room. I had to read it twice to understand. I would maybe have cut back on detail – this is where I think we should learn to show more than tell. I am also in that learning curve.
Your story was warm and true and so much of what is real life can be seen through it.
Thanks for sharing.
Stay safe in this time of uncertainty and keep writing.
Estelle

Lovely story about pain and redemption. I liked Carla because she did what she needed to do – get away from her situaltion which was toxic. That takes strength. The gradual relationship that grows between Carla and James is well written. I could see the relationship building slowly over time.

Don’t use, “Hey, Carla, what are you doing?” It makes the dialog sound unnatural. You can use it sometimes, but just not quite as much. Once you develop a back and forth in a diaglog, you know who is speaking, especially when the dialog is between two people.

Keep writing.

Hi Athena.

Yours is a lovely story. I enjoyed reading it and found nothing in it distracting other than I agree with Jennifer that Carla and Judith’s dialog felt unnatural, as we don’t often continue to use each other’s names when talking to friends.

What I found fabulous in your story is the way you so seamlessly transitioned from the initial meeting of Carla and James to the future where they’re in a relationship. Well done. I also very much liked the pacing of your story. I did find it odd they’d have tea late at night, but maybe it’s a cultural thing. Here in the US, we’d be having a beer.

I also liked the messages of acceptance and forgiveness. Keep on writing, you!

I enjoyed your story very much. Foregoveness is such a huge part of the healing process! I was pulled into the story from the start and engaged to the end.

Th only advice I would offer is something that was given to me, and that is watch carefully how often you use the character’s names in dialog.

It’s been a long day for you, Carla.” … sounds natural but to continue using their given names:

“You know I don’t mind, Judith,” …
“You’ve got a kind heart, Carla,” …..
“I’m fine, Judith,” …
“Is that really enough, Carla? …

is not what happens in average conversation. I felt that tip helped me improve my dialog, so I thought I’d share it.

Thanks for a lovely story. You touched my heart. What a nice couple!

Thank you all for taking the time to read my story and for your constructive feedback. I’m afraid I procrastinated for too long this month and only just managed to make the deadline for submitting my story. I know that’s not an excuse for bad writing, and I will strive to improve in future prompts. Thank you again and wishing you all well in these uncertain times.

Hi Athina
This is such a beautiful story, and at the end, I could feel Carla’s tension for finally facing the people who hurt her so badly. You made that aspect so believable, and I’d find it difficult too. Making the reader think about what they would do in the character’s situation is one of the marks of a good story. Estelle did touch on the ‘show-don’t-tell’ rule that lurks in the corners of our writing space like an angry nun. It is something that needs attention, and at this time, with this word count, I understand it’s difficult to focus on it. I will say, however, one place where it would have been beautiful for you to show would be where James touches her face to get to know her looks. I think that’s your worst missed opportunity in this story. There was also some redundancy, in the line: “she didn’t know why she was pointing because the man couldn’t see her car.” You could have just said “she didn’t know why she was pointing”. We already know that he couldn’t see her car. Overall, this is a lovely piece and left me feeling happy for reading it. Well done xxx

Hey Athina, this was touching interpretation of the prompt. I appreciated how, in spite of the various setbacks Carla and James each experienced, they weren’t portrayed as entitled or wallowing in self pity, but tried to live and meet those challenges with positivity. Your grounding their relationship in a shared and realistic issue, being “… on a waiting list for something you wanted badly.” helped make them relatable and their future interactions natural as they transitioned from friends to ‘an item’.

Having read your response above about how the story was written at the last minute, my only recommendation would be that even if you’re running late, still have someone on call to review and advise on how to edit the final draft. I’m guilty of the procrastination myself, but I’ve found that having an extra reader you can trust helps you catch little things you might miss. Thanks again for sharing. ^_^

Beautiful story Athina. You build your characters well and the message of the story about facing things is wonderful and that the forgiveness is more for yourself than them.

Well done.

Thank you very much for your comments and your suggestions for improving my writing.