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Comments

  1. maria delaney

    AWWWWW My heart goes out to Marly. This is such a sad story. I’m all about the sad depressing but there has to be a light hopefully at the end of this tunnel.
    Is there a continuation? Or does this end here?

    Thanks for sharing your piece this month

  2. Kathy Sanford

    It’s easy to relate to Marly’s ennui, and her disgust at herself over it. She doesn’t know how to get out of it. She so wants her father and Jian to be interested in her writing because it is the only way she knows to reveal herself, but they don’t take it seriously. Only the therapist encourages her, but she doesn’t seem to appreciate it or be ready for it.

    The references to stuffed animals and to Marly not feeling guilty about Jian drinking his beer confused me a little. Maybe the first is extraneous or should be mentioned sooner. Regarding the second, a little more info on why she would feel guilty at that moment might be helpful or maybe “guilty” isn’t quite the right feeling.

    I was surprised she would be planning a party, or is that just wishful thinking on her part?

    I’m also a little confused about the specific political reference (Brietbart). It made me think the story was going to go in a different direction, but politics and current events don’t come up again so it doesn’t seem significant. The father’s distraction/inattention could be effectively portrayed without such a specific reference that isn’t further developed.

    None of the details mentioned above detracted from my enjoyment of the story. Ifeel for Marly; the description of her walk to the pub was especially poignant.

    1. Tybalt Post author

      Thanks Kathy, this was a great comment to read through. I’m glad you liked the description of the walk. The references to the stuffed animals and beer-drinking was mostly trying to bring more personality to Marly as a character, but I don’t think I necessarily achieved it as well I would have liked. In the same way I mentioned Kevin reading Breitbart articles to portray him a certain way, heavy-handedly.
      The party is definitely wishful thinking 🙂

  3. Kali

    Hi!

    Good work on the story and the prompt! I think we could all relate a bit to deleting what we’ve written because it didn’t seem good enough. You do a really good job of showing Marly’s anxiety and nervousness. I like the phrases and descriptions you use.

    Throughout the story, I kept wondering what was at stake, what the story was building towards. Was it Marly completing a poem? Leaving the house? It might be helpful to focus in a little bit more and dig at what is at the heart of the story.

    You do a good job of characterization. Nice job showing us Marly’s father’s personality- from his brief appearance in the story, we know he is not overly concerned about Marly’s condition and is thoroughly engaged in his own circumstances, leaving Marly to feel alone. Good work!