Livestop Motel by CReese

11:00 am Livestop Motel & Truck Stop Main Lobby “Good afternoon, sir.  We would like a room.” The manager sighed and put his book down.  He had been reading the same page for a good hour, but room 113 had sprung a leak, and Marisol had found a nest of armadillos while cleaning in the...

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5 months ago

Intriguing story. Was wondering where you were going with this. Good dialogue and characters. As with some others, I was left a bit floundering at the end and would have liked just a bit more spelt out for me. Usually, I am fine with working things out and having some space in the writing, but this was such a switch I needed a few stepping stones to understanding what was going on. And the whisper was?

Member
6 months ago

Hey C Reese and how goes it? I really liked your submission and couldn’t get enough of the dialogue. The description of their attire being made from ‘shiny, metallic sort of fabric’ caught my attention, and this combined with their speech, their behavior made me think time travelers, aliens, or from the West Coast. 😀 The manager trying to get back to his book was hilarious, pity he was the one who fired the fatal shot. I liked the reveal that they fed on the energy given off by excited humans, this theory could even be extended to account for a lot of the negative energy we have been generating these past decades. I did wonder about the line ‘ It was just a whisper.’ Had our alien trio started the queer pedo rumor? I missed that if so. I also wonder if the first line of the 11 pm section shouldn’t have been ‘Breathe it all in, Daryl John’? I really enjoyed this piece, well done and best regards, Seyi

Member
6 months ago

Hi There – I agree with the other comments…I was left completely confused at the end. The poolside conversation was absolutely brilliantly cringeworthy (as was the thought of the dirty pool!) and the bored manager was well portrayed. Just that ending…

Member
6 months ago

I enjoyed your descriptions and the characters. I was hoping for some kind of resolution at the end. Not sure what happens next. They shot him but he’s still alive? I feel like I’m lacking the big picture of who these people are. All the parts of your writing are fabulous. You may need a little work to bring it full circle. Keep writing!

Member
Kim
6 months ago

ok – wow.

loved the beginning, loved the middle – and then …felt like I was reading another story’s ending. like… what just happened there?!

agree with Mike – somehow you gotta tie that ending in more smoothly …or something. I’m not even convinced these are vampires – just something ‘other’

great characterization, loved the manager who just wanted to read his book -and the dialogue at the pool with the Dwarf Hick was hilarious , had me in stitches (I probably shouldn’t have laughed but it was so ‘Far Side’ I just couldn’t help myself)

great, entertaining read!

Member
6 months ago

This is very cool. It feels like it could be a vignette in a modern day supernatural adventure. Something like Neil Gaiman’s American Gods. I think it would benefit from a little early foreshadowing of Larry and the two Darryl’s being non-humans. The final section revealing their true nature feels a little abrupt, almost like the story is switching genre.

Member
6 months ago

What an intriguing story. I must say, I’m left with very many questions. I’d love to know just what these guys are. Forgive me if I just missed it. I really enjoy your candid style, and I was gripped from the beginning. I enjoyed myself reading this, just sorry it had to end. Well done