It’s the truth by Mark Patterson

Life on the street is not easy and for one lady of the night it is going to get a lot worse

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Member
29 days ago

Hi Mark, I enjoyed your story. It was well written with lots of great descriptions. I have to say I feel sorry for the poor lady, it definitely does sound made up:) Well done and thanks for sharing.

Member
30 days ago

You captured an atmosphere well, and the slow unfurling of the tale drew me in. As others have mentioned a few typos and perhaps a little smoothing out needed but this did not detract from the main story and you conveyed a gritty reality exceptionally well. Great story.

Member
1 month ago

Great story, Mark! Your descriptions are vivid and places the reader inside the story. I like how you started the story at the end and took us back through the events so we could see it unfold. There’s a few typos that another round of editing will ferret out, but nothing to detract from the overall story, which is gritty and raw and realistic. I’m guessing they’re not going to believe her story!

Member
1 month ago

Hi Mark,
I enjoyed the gritty tale and the plot of the story of how she “accidentally” drove the knife deeper into her client. Her motivation for wanting to save him was difficult to understand-why did she get back in he car?
Another question, is she still in cuffs at the beginning of the story? If yes, it would be difficult but not impossible to stretch your arms overhead.
The part where he grabs her hair and yanks it was described very well and there was a lot of tension probably because of how carefully it was described.
I appreciate the graphic details of the story, they made it feel realistic and added to the seamy atmosphere that you created. Good story.

Member
1 month ago

Hi there, Mark, your story had me hooked from the beginning, you set the scene very well, making the reader think that they were actually there. I like the way the story unfolds and the use of the prompt at the end. There are a few typos here and there but overall, a gripping story and great descriptions.

1 month ago

Hi Mark,

As has been said, I felt I was in that interrogation room as a fly on the wall.

Your story is all the more engaging as you told in in a sort of reverse order. This is good.

I picked up on a few things you might want to review, but nothing major.

The word “blatherskite” is new for me, but no doubt it means tell tale or someone who talks to the cops.

Only a dozen adverbs and more importantly, only 2 “just”‘s though I would have used only 1 in the final sentence, for maximum effect.

This sentence feels little awkward… “A grey colour originally it looks like”. Perhaps you mean something like ‘Perhaps originally grey”, or some such simpler phrase.

I like some of your standout phrases such as ““anything you say may be taken down and..” You know the phrase.”.

I think it might be “it’s” in the sentence … “its fine with me.”.

Instead of “resting I my mouth”, do you mean “resting in my mouth”.

I am no fan of “got” and suggest that instead of “where he got that from…” you consider “where that came from…” as your writing is better than needing to lean on these slang words which have encroached from the other side of the Atlantic.

This is a great opener to a longer piece. I wish you well.


Thank you for sharing.
Keep writing.

Cheers,
Paul

Member
1 month ago

A brutal story, Mark, but one the best I’ve read in your canon of work (not, I’m sorry to say, that I’ve read all of it). It was polished, flowed well and was very descriptive. It had a lot of power and good characterisation. It didn’t feel like 1500 words. It had excellent pace and was gripping. Well done.

Member
1 month ago

Golly, what a tale. I doubt the police are going to believe her story. That interview room was well described – I felt there. That was a gritty bit of sobering urban fiction. Nice details, crazy madman to boot. I felt like I was reading a story from Grand Theft Auto or something similar. Solid job with this!