If Wishes Were Real by NetaQ

If Wishes Were Real by NetaQ # The Past Sharon walked to the end of Henry Street, then turn right onto Gilmore Lane, and the last two blocks to 2332 Brookline Avenue. The white, thirteen-gallon trashbag hung from her left hand. The orange drawstring wrapped twice around her palm, pulled at the ligaments, shoulder to...

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1 month ago

A lovely, heartwarming piece.

I enjoyed your descriptions and the way you strove to render the image real, for example: The orange drawstring wrapped twice around her palm, pulled at the ligaments, shoulder to elbow to the wrist. A shocking curl of pain and numbness slithered through to her fingers, numbing.
It makes the text come alive and the reader feel what you’re main character is experiencing.

Two things, 1)in the paragraph ‘Aunt Joan opened the door…’ to ‘her body to this earth”, you use the word ‘look’ five times and 2) Sharon’s mother is referred to as Ms. Lavonne in the paragraph where Sharon’s dad rejects her. I felt it was a bit strange to use a title such as Ms. and since it’s her first name, it was even stranger to use the title. Or did I miss something here?

Strong writing. Really makes a person think.

Member
1 month ago

Wow. So terribly sad, yet so beautifully written. There is so much gentle nuance to the piece which will stay in my thoughts. The painting of the last supper and all the symbolism it carries of treachery and forgiveness. The soft bed been a welcome solace after a beating. Imagery is very strong and you used the prompt well, twisting words unsaid to perhaps actions we take which mean more. Well done.