forever now by nsbnina

forever now by nsbnina # “A whale of a time, we’ll have. “ “Just us two.” We kicked our bikes free of their stands and raced to the end of town, where the fair was coming together like puzzle pieces, by color and shape. Carousels and circus tents and Ferris wheels. We sprinted past the...

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Member
1 month ago

What a twist at the end that tells the tale of childhood memories. You’ve accomplished so much in 100 words.

Member
1 month ago

The play on whale and beached (as in stuck) is nice. Also, the ending was so unexpected. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Member
2 months ago

Hi NSBnina,
This was definitely poetic, with the repetition in such a tight word count. I also played with a whale of a time, a lie, a story to get myself going, so I liked that you played with the expression, rather than going concretely about a whale. This was the peak of the story: “we breached the skies screaming through the stars and plummeted back in a splash of terror filled with glee.”

Using the verb “breach” was very clever, especially since they were having a “whale of a time” and also because you have the double meaning of “intruding” as in the kid’s sheer glee is trespassing upon the keepers of heaven…This sentence also plainly captures the exhilarating feeling of an amusement park ride, the “fun terror”. You created a reminiscent feeling with the title and the “beached” in memory, a clever play on the previous “breached”. Excellent story!