For the Wrong Reasons by Marilyn Weisman

For the Wrong Reasons by Marilyn Weisman # Sara felt, more than heard a light drizzle, pattering at the window and a chill ran down her arms as she pulled her sweater closer.  Placing her hand on the glass, she reached up and closed the blinds. She was drawn back to memories of rainy seasons...

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Randy Hughes
14 days ago

Good opening and use of anaphora to set a rhythm. You did a good job of introducing the main character/environment, and using the story to set apprehension from the beginning. The story begins in the middle, having already made a decision, and being at the location which we assume is the Aunt’s house. Who is Carrie? What did she want her meet for? Who would be there? Why the temperature? (assuming Corona, but we don’t know.)

The nits:
The guilt sword is a nice touch, driving insinuation that Carrie could slice her up, but I didn’t see that, just reasons to show up. A gut-wrenching guilt bomb or two by Carrie would say a lot about her, whereas, Sara suggesting her levers were guilt-swording, then using light arguments leaves us wondering about Sara and her phobias. Perhaps that was the intent. Only the next section of the story will tell.

Good job on the exercise.

Nice job on the exercise.

Linda
11 days ago

Marilyn

I like your choice of words to convey the mood and setting. I can sense that Sara wasn’t happy to be there, and didn’t like the rain season through her memories, and closing the blinds. The story flowed well.

Good job!