Escaping Shadows by Casey S (50/52)

  • : YA - fantasy -adventure
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4 months ago

The action is spot on.
The tension it creates is spot on.
I like the idea that only she can hear the voice. It makes her stand out as the one that will be the one to confront Theo. Well done.

Riana N
4 months ago

Hi Casey. Loved the tension and drama of this scene; your descriptions of the lightning and the growing storm were stunning.
Your descriptions overall are so apt and expressive. I did wonder if you perhaps you could consider making your sentences somewhat shorter for scenes like these that have so much action. The long sentences tend to counteract the drama if you’re not careful.
I know there were a few scenes I didn’t read before this one, but here and there you can maybe be a little clearer, just to make sure your reader follows. For example, does “the other ship” refer to one present there, or a ship from an earlier point in the story? And with “A handful of men and women came out onto the beach heading towards the three of them” I felt a little unsure if the people were coming out of the cave, or from where the people were being loaded onto the boat.
I’m really glad Ryker decided to stick with the good guys! You portray the relationships between the characters well, and the body language was vivid! Well done!

Michael Corvo
5 months ago

Great job describing the sickening horror felt here by everyone having the face their fallen comrades as their enemies, now possessed by the shadow. I also love the way you describe Talia weaving her new power into the real world, at once being aware of every spiritual detail and yet still being very present in the physical world and able to fight and defend herself. Will she have to fight Theo alone, or will the combined power of the Roselyn family come to her aid?