Arrival by Deryn Graham

  • : General fiction
  • : A bit bitty

Comments

  1. Marijo Thompson

    Excellent realistic dialogue throughout.
    Everything is wrapping up nicely.
    The pacing really matches the change in the characters.
    Really well done, Deryn.
    (Wah. I don’t want it to end.)

  2. Ben Hunt

    Hi Deryn, the sense of anticipation throughout this scene was just delicious. I loved, loved, loved the flirty telephone conversation at the start and my heart started beating a little faster with that line ‘Fran felt like she was 16 again, playing conversational cat and mouse with her latest crush.’ – so good. I had a smile on my face all the way through it.
    I’m so looking forward to seeing what you’re going to do with the two of them now and what Guy will make of it 🙂

    1. Deryn Post author

      Thanks Ben- from worrying about filling the last half dozen scenes I seem to have written myself into a corner and am about to run out of weeks for a proper climax so there will be lots of INSERT X HERE, THIS IS WHERE X HAPPENS…🤦‍♀️

  3. Nonie McElroy

    So much happening so fast. I know you’ll rewrite more but you covered so much so well. Loved the little heart over her name. This final sprint is bonkers isn’t it. I’m not finished with Bridget yet though… she’s got another book!

  4. Jan

    Hi Deryn,

    I loved “he could hear the smile on her face” and I am sure you can see the smile on my face as I write and as I read this scene. I thought about that, having Mr D as the vehicule to give Fran the news of Mr B’s feelings and I think that works really well. These little scenes flew past, they sped up the pace just like she was rushing into mr B’s arms at the end. Anne mentions you can expand these if you like, and she also talks about fading Guy into the background – that is also clever. I know he’ll be back, but this is her moment.

    Well done on Nr 48 Deryn!

    1. Deryn Post author

      Thank you, Jan – and I am grinning from ear to ear at the thought of 52…can’t come soon enough… Guy has to be back bc he has work to do with Fran at the KBF so set for a showdown of sorts…I think…it’s Monday morning and I havent started Wednesday’s scene yet….

  5. Anne

    Hi Deryn
    The short snippets can be expanded but I actually enjoyed the feeling of racing towards the conclusion. I think Guy fading into the background is a good idea as he may be too involved in Fran’s relationship with Bernard!
    The rewrite is going to be so difficult as I want to keep in touch with all the people who’ve helped me so much, but I can’t manage a full-time job these days! Let’s hope Mia has a magic suggestion…..

    1. Deryn Post author

      Hi Anne – I agree, the re write is going to be difficult – I’m not sure if to go through and make plottish changes at the same time as the sytlistic ones, one one kind of revision at a time…maybe get to the actual end of draft 1 first!!

  6. Michael

    Nice, don’t worry I imagined an amazing game drive. You should have seen it, leopards and two little babies laying in the shade under a rock while a troop of monkeys kept watch in the trees.
    This was a good compromise.
    I liked the conversation between Fran and Bernard, you gave it a good anchor (chandelier) to based everything off plus a little fun and games.
    Nice touch with the heart. 😉

    1. Deryn Post author

      When I get round to writing the game drive I will be sure to include the leopards and monkeys. If I can steal your characters I can definitely appropriate nameless creatures! Thanks for the feedback!

  7. SM

    Hi Deryn,
    I liked reading about Bernard and Fran and that Bernard has definitely found his ability to assert himself. It seems that Duncan has indeed bowed out, (or perhaps I’m concluding that too quickly) and that Fran and Bernard can breathe a sigh of relief. Guy and his silence remain an intriguing mystery. I really liked the part where Fran is aware that the secretary will fill in gaps with stories from her own imagination. That made me laugh. The sign with the red heart was a great touch. I’m eager for more of the story beyond the airport. What does “bitty” mean, btw?

    1. Deryn Post author

      Hi Sudha Bitty referred to the snippets of scenes – loading the Landrover, Fran packing – each bit that was separated by the + + + – maybe ‘ all over the place’ would have described it better!! Let’s hope that Duncan and Guy allow Fran and Bernard their happy ever after (and each find their own!!) D

  8. Nina

    Oooooooooo sweet. A tiny red heart ♥️ thanks for that. Love the way you negotiated this scene. Now for Guy… there’s something going on here. Of course, he’s besotted and entered into a different world with his movie star lover but still to completely diss Fran, something to do with Chrissie? Kinda like to see her jumping out of a cake 😉
    I’m going to miss these people. I’ve enjoyed the wild ride.

    1. Deryn Post author

      Hi Nina – As I just said to David, we will all be bereft next year without our weekly fixes! What are your re write plans? If all my reads are doing 6 months, it will be hard to restrict myself to reading 2 stories – it’ll end up a full time job!! Thanks for the affirmation here!

  9. Becky

    I’m squealing with delight! Love the discreet heart on the sign, and love that Bernard was there to pick her up. That might make for a good ending scene! I appreciate you getting out the structure and outline for your reading fans, and you can flesh out the detailed scenes later. Until then… I still want to know more about the Guy-Chrissie thing (though I feel that now that Fran has Hugh and Bernard, Guy can fade more easily into the background), and maybe either see that chandelier in all it’s shimmering brilliance, or perhaps falling down on Duncan. Well done, Deryn!

    1. Deryn Post author

      Ah thank you, Becky – yes we have to have the KBF grand opening, with the chandelier, as well as guest appearances by Guy and Chrissie, Gio and Fabi, Laszlo, of course, maybe even Duncan will make it…just to wrap everything up…and then Bernard does more than fold Fran in his arms!!!!

    1. Deryn Post author

      Thank you so much, Lionel – that’s high praise from you. Your banter and dialogue is always v authentic and enjoyable.

  10. Susanne

    Hi Deryn, wow, the meeting at the airport would make such a good final scene in a movie! Please tell me this isn‘t the end yet….I am still waiting for a little more romance 😉 the scene itself is great. I had the feeling, though, that you might want to split this up into more scenes in the rewrite. There are quite a lot of different elements in here and obviously you still want to put in something about the game drive. As it is, I feel a bit rushed through many smaller scenes. But again, I can see that you plan to do sth about it int the rewrite. Can‘t wait til next week.

    1. Deryn Post author

      Thank you, Susanne – it was definitely rushed and bitty – I am just trying to get the facts and sequence of the end sorted in my head and on the page then I can flesh each section out. Do you think the airport scene should be the finale -? I guess that would lead nicely into book 2 – even though I can’t face a sequel at this point…well, as we are all telling ourselves – it’s ‘just’ the first draft…

  11. David

    Hi, Deryn-
    Well, you don’t mess around. I hope that when Fran packed for all eventualities for work & play, she had kept poor old Bernard in mind! 😉
    I also noticed this: “Fran nevertheless made sure to include a flattering swimsuit in her luggage in the event that the spa baths visit of her previous trip was repeated.” Another dental floss suit, I hope? 🙂
    So Guy is gone for good, but Hugh seems a worthy replacement, if less inclined to indulge her thirst for gossip.
    Nice job navigating all the changes for Fran. It felt a little bit rushed. Was it short on words? Is that because you intend to wow us with lots of game sightings when you complete it? That would probably do the trick.
    It feels like Fran found her forever guy. Wonder how that will work. Will she move to SA, since Bernard owns a business there? Make it work long distance? Or open a Caelum branch in UK?
    Looking forward to Fran arranging all the details to her liking.

    1. Deryn Post author

      Hi David – apologies for the rushed-ness – it was a little 11th hour. I will definitely add more African detail with the game drive but that’s just word padding- the plot is the important bit. And btw it was Chrissie that wore the dental floss bikini – Fran has a bit mroe class than that!!! Have yet to decide where in the world Fran’s future lies – maybe she’ll become a global citizen and notch up a shocking carbon footprint…Nearly there…

      1. David

        I knew it was Chrissie–just thought Fran might want to prove she can compete. 😉
        Nearly there! I almost feel like I did when I was done with college–everyone headed off in their separate directions, hardly ever see any of my old friends anymore. *sigh*
        Go get ’em, tiger!

          1. David

            I’m doing the condensed rewrite–52 scenes in 6 months. I need the break. 🙂

            What about you? Are you off on a new adventure? Seems to me that Fran is just about ready to head out on her own.