Area 54 (Mirror) by Sean Johnson

  • : Horror
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Christa L
3 months ago

Since we’re close to the end, you’re doing a great job to build even more tension to keep us going – who will win?

I wonder in the re-write, it the relationship between Thomas/Beth, and Thomas/Gus can be further deepened (going with memory, I think there’s already something there with Beth, didn’t she save his life or something??) so that it’d make sense for Thomas to scarifice himself. Even though Thomas and Gus didn’t have a lot of screen time together, maybe there’s something that helped them bond instantly so it’s easier for reader to justify why Thomas made the choice he did? Just a thought.

Riana N
5 months ago

Hi Sean, I haven’t read any of your previous scenes, so I’m not going to comment on the content of you scene. However, this one read fairly easily and clearly, felt well planned and the change in viewpoint felt natural.
I loved the image of the white hair radiating like sparks.
I’m guessing this is quite a “deep” horror story and all the talk about hive mind sounds quite intriguing!
Good work. 🙂

Elizabeth Strehl
5 months ago

You have a complex POV to express here, one in which one character is actually many and, in essence, must negotiate with himself over who has control. It could easily become confusing, but you managed to keep it clear and show the motivations of each. The conditions involved give the reader hope that this may just end well. Nicely done.