• He made this solemn expression before dropping the bomb that changed my life forever. I’ll never forget those evil words. He said my name casual. As if it were a normal day like any ot […]

    • I love the imagery at the end. An interesting take in the prompt. Well done.

    • Oh my goodness! Imagine if our thoughts could truly come to life!! I love your unique and quirky take on the prompt, Maria! Only you can churn out horror in 200 words! Well done!!

  • Eloise groans.I lean forward. “Hey, sis, are you awake?”She smacks her mouth.”You thirsty, Ellie?”Her nod’s barely perceptible. With one hand, I lift her head slightly and bring the sippy cup to her lips with the […]

  •  When it came to gettin’ gifts – Christmas 1963 was a banner year for Matty and I. Never had we seen so many gifts and presents wrapped in festive paper under the tree. There was a veritable cornucopia of C […]

    • We started by leaving one present from Santa at the end of each bed, but then we too resorted to leaving the stockings at the end of the bed and the kids learned to turn the coffee to brew. Nice job bringing that Christmas morning excitement to life.

    • Such a sweet story. I can feel the boys’ excitement as they wait. It’s a very well written piece. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

    • I remember those times! When I was little and when the kids were little. Adore those memories.

    • It sounds like a fun memory. I don’t celebrate Christmas so I can only go off of what is written and it was a fun ride.

  • They awoke with the sun and made coffee.  They read the newspaper and did all the puzzles..  At midday, they came out in scarves and masks and gloves and waved muffled greetings.  No one stopped to pet a dog, or […]

    • Cool. At first the opening I heard a Billy Joel tune in my head (glad it wasn’t that!) A truly lovely gift from you. Thank you.

    • What a great response to the prompt and what a wonderful response to the Coronavirus world. Thank you for this.

    • What a great story to cheer everyone up. Thank you for this.

  •     Peter was nervous walking up to the podium, he had never made a presentation at city council.

    “Good evening, Lord Mayor, council members, and um…” Peter struggled finding the words to address the various […]

    • Hi Marta,

      I liked this apart from the seemingly contradictory history of the product which you state “This technology has been around for some time, making its debut in 1975.” earlier in the piece and ” With this new technology, ” nearer the end. Which is it?

      Thanks for sharing.

  • When the rains came, I held my breath with my eyes closed. When I opened them, the world around me glistened, newly anointed by this passing shower. I followed a path, an unsteady game trail that wove between […]

    • Wow I am trying to fathom where this magical place of live oak, cardinal, palmetto and grape all live. Has a bit of a dream feel to it. Yes nature is a great gift… too often taken for granted. Thank you for the lovely reminder.

    • Thank you. I loved how you described the natural environment. Great atmosphere and mood. No critique from me.

    • A beautifully descriptive piece. Well done, Nsbnina.

  • Her heartbeat slowed down once the initial shock had warn off. He smiled at her watching the color lighten from her cheeks. His arm that was wrapped around her waist held her close to him, so close he could smell […]

    • Hey Dionne and how goes it? You do dark fiction very very well. The impact of that first line is felt all through to the end of this piece. Do have a look at a few typos though, (“warn off” for “worn off” and hyphen dropped from satin-like). I wonder if not better to introduce the location a bit earlier? The way it is revealed in “Her sister had told her of a new club that was opening tonight, and she was excited to experience it” slows things down a bit. “…pulling the last beat from her heart” is a great touch and confirms the horror in the scene. Great writing and cool way to bring a well-worn premise alive (so to speak 😀). Very best regards, Seyi

      • Thank you. Dark fiction is my favorite thing to write. Grammar and spelling are my biggest issues in writing so thank you for bringing them to my attention when found. I greatly appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed the story, I never know how dark i can go so I have been keeping it pretty tame on here.

    • Whoa, dark indeed. Perfect first sentence to open this dark story and nice job getting us through to the end, seamlessly.

    • Good job. A nice 200 word story/scene. I agree with the points Seyi has made. I’m also unsure about the word ‘bloody’ as there’s no indication of blood. I’m assuming vampire, but i’m not sure bloody fits, and i’d consider removing the word. Great stuff though. Thanks for sharing.

      James

      • I was trying to use it as a play on the British word bloody and the fact that a heart would in fact be bloody. It was worth a shot. Thank you for reading and glad you enjoyed it.

  • Letter to Mum – Part Three

    Hi Mum,

    Hopefully, you will get this sometime soon, but we are all still on lockdown. I needed to write to someone and get this on paper.

    Remember, Jimmy Jarvis, my next-door […]

  • “I will give you the gift of love.”

    “But the curse that weighs upon your family, will get to you… and it will kill you.”

    “No, It won’t kill her, Fate! Don’t worry, my child, my gift will save you!”

    I don’t […]

  • After she discovered the email revealing his affair with Jen, all hell broke loose. Hauling herself up from the floor of their study, she gathered up the pieces of the email that she had shredded in her fury, […]

  • When Jacob got lost in the mall on Christmas Eve, he met Jeremiah the boiler maker. Jacob and Jeremiah had coffee together and Jacob used some of the gifts he had bought for his family. “Since I got myself in a s […]

  • It was the first gift I received from a girl-friend.

    “Open it,” she said barely able to sit still on the bench seat opposite. Her eyes twinkled with excitement.

    “Why thank you, Claire, I wonder what this is?” […]

    • Hey Mark and howzit? What wonderful buildup, what a great last line. Hope she got a pen for her next boyfriend. Very nice storyline and great writing. Best regards, Seyi

    • I love the attention to detail you used while opening the gift. Also the unease when seeing her so jumpy and than finding out what she had inscribed on it. well done. Great writing.

    • Wow, that is great. And she seemed like such a nice girl 😏 you did a nice job working up to the twist at the ending.

  • Cake and ice cream disappeared into teenage mouths; everyone eager to end the party and go out as ‘adults’. Grabbing jackets and coats they headed for the door; the birthday girl Angela giving her parents one las […]

    • oh! that last line sucker-punched me right in the gut!
      wow – what a closing line. I don’t even want to imagine the conversation after that.
      Great premise, really great!

    • Chilling. Great job setting it up.

    • This is a sad story and you have written is so well that I can feel the MC’s emotions. So unexpected and quite enjoyable read. Thank you for sharing. 🙂

  • That last dollar had hidden itself in the recesses of my purse and I needed that silty, over sweetened cup of gas station coffee.

    “Damn it,”  I said, upending my purse on the counter. The man who had been shif […]

    • Hiya

      I dont understand the last line? and now I feel deflated – was really getting into the whole exchange between cashier and frazzled mom .
      What does it mean ?

    • No I don’t get it either, but it feels spooky. Until then you had me…maybe a few more words would have done it.

    • I feel like this story would succeed better if you had more words given to it. What you have is a great start. I am very intrigued. But it needs more.

  • “Breia, guess who?”

    The receiver was filled with breath, inhale-exhale, a swallow — a concert of apprehension. “Hmmm, Alee?!”

    “Bingo. Happy Birthday! I have a surprise for you — a delivery is coming soon, […]

    • Hi Alexis

      eerrrr …some people like that sort of thing ,I guess.🤷‍♀️

      my only note would be to watch your pov – your head-hop between Breia and Allee is it? it got a little confusing to put the descriptions with the correct speaker.

  • Julia took herself to bed. The break-up text was still on her phone’s screen and she couldn’t stop staring at it and howling. Charlie had finally answered her messages, yes, yes, that had increased in fre […]

    • Cats know just how to cheer up their humans, don’t they 🤔 😂…. that or a hair-ball

      I would caution against this (even though we know it to be true , probably more worried he wasn’t going to get his din-dins ) : and Sprocket was getting worried – the head-hop into the cat.

      enjoyed this .

    • Ah treasures from the cat. Know them well (unfortunately). Agree with Kim it’s best to give Sprocket actions vs thoughts. The ending was better (for you MC) than I thought it would be as cats can generate all kinds of smells on their own. ‘nut said.

    • Hey Megan and how goes it? I tend to agree with Kim, possibly even the conclusion that her “guttural noises frightened him” needs attention. Maybe you could instead say the guttural noises made his tail twitch or made him shrink in size or whatever a cat would do. Hope this helps? I really liked the story, it provided an unexpected twist on the prompt. Regards Seyi

    • Yay, Seyi thank you for talking me through the edit thing. I appreciate everybody’s feedback. It has made the story so much more credible.

    • Hey Megan, snap! 😉 I thought of my furry four-legged friend too and all the gifts they love to give us. Thanks for the read, I felt sorry for poor Julia, as if it couldn’t get worse, Sprocket has plans to ‘cheer her up.’

    • Aw sweet cat. I can see her scrunching under the covers to get away from the cat, but I would think the sobbing – and would it be guttural? Maybe – would be about the breakup and not the cat, who I think might paw her as well. Poor poor Julia.

  • Her eyes bore into the computer. Application rejected. Tears well up, her breathing hitching in her chest as her body crumples in front of the computer. Her husband stares at the screen, begging it to change. This […]

    • Lovely, moving and a little bit miraculous. A teeny note “a knock shook them from their dazed state” should be ‘a knock shakes them from their dazed state”

    • Hello Chloe and howzit? Cool writing and very heartwarming premise. I know you were hampered by time word count but I’d suggest a bit of a gap between the couple getting application rejected and the knock on the door. Otherwise, a way of introducing Teresa Loveton and their relationship early on (before the application is rejected). That would make it easier to accept the coincidence. My opinion only, for what it’s worth. Do feel free to ignore it. Very best regards, Seyi

    • Hi Chloe

      I get both Megan’s and Seyi’s comments.
      its difficult to show passage of time in only 200 words – one has to rely on a great of showing to get it done, and there just isn’t the word count for that.
      Perhaps using email to notify them? seeing as they are already in front of the computer? it wouldn’t take too much away from your plotline and they don’t know the granddaughter per se?

    • Great! Really nice little story, and good use of the word count. Well done.

      Only thing i’d add to the other comments, is the change of one word…

      This was their last chance to start their family.

      I’d say ‘a’ family, so that you haven’t got two ‘theirs’ so close together, and it reads better.

      Enjoyable read. Thank you.

      James

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