A Coven’s Order by Renee Shurilla

A coven of witches can't decide on what's important.

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5 months ago

I nice short story, well on the theme of Agenda. I enjoyed it, thank you. Can I assume it is part of a larger story? If not, it should be.

I’d look at these two sentences…

On the canvas stood ten essential topics that had been organized using magic from the large tome of minutes that the pen had recorded. A long sentence, with ‘that’ used twice and without pauses. I’d consider… On the canvas stood ten essential topics, organized using magic from the large tome of minutes which the pen had recorded.

Each of the sisters each still had their own agenda, but they were more understanding of everyone else’s as well. I think there is a typo here, and the second ‘each’ isn’t needed. It reads better with it removed.

Thank you for sharing. James

Catherine Garden
5 months ago

A lovely little magical story. Agree if it is not, could easily be part of a larger piece.
I loved the mood you created but personally found some of the language or words used did not always fit the feeling of the piece. The word ‘topic’ felt jarring, perhaps matters or concerns would have been more fluid? For yell which was used twice maybe declare, cry out or utter.
These are slight issues and overall I enjoyed the story and do hope to read more! Thank you.

4 months ago

Hi Renee,
What a fun take on the theme, Agenda. I was surprised that Witches deal with the same nonsense as businesses and corporations. I was hoping toward the end that the high priestess would turn them all into Newts, but I’m glad the sisters came around over time. I enjoyed reading this and give you props for a fun interpretation. Keep writing. Best! Laura